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Original poster

BYOB to wedding instead of a gift?

73 replies

pearfect · 25/09/2018 12:55

Would we be CFs if we asked our guests to bring a bottle on the day of our wedding instead of gifts or cash?

I know the whole gift thing can be a minefield, so am asking MN for their shared wisdom

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 25/09/2018 15:51

Make it abundantly clear it's BYOB and not booze as a gift otherwise you'll have 50 bottles of prosecco!

twiglet · 25/09/2018 16:01

We had byob, we provided a welcome drink of pimms (well Austin the cheaper version) limited wine on the table(2 white 2 red per 12) fizz for toast and then had beer kegs, cider (2 of each) and soft drinks. But we stated if you wanted something specific or not beer/cider then to bring it along. We did paella pans rather than a buffet.
Everyone loved it, as said not having to worry about expensive bar prices and the relaxed atmosphere made it one of the best weddings. 4 years on people still tell us and had friends getting married ask us how we did things.

strawberryalarmclock · 25/09/2018 17:05

pearfect I'm biased but it was! It was totally relaxed, no dress code, no complicated photography, no seating plan, kids welcome.
Our overall aim was for it to cost our guests virtually nothing to attend and for it to be stress free and just a day full of fun and love!
I love weddings of all shapes and sizes but I wanted ours to be totally inclusive for everyone we invited, it was a beautiful but simple ceremony and then an old fashioned party in a village hall.
Sigh, I wish we could do it again!

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Weddings
serbska · 25/09/2018 17:10

Argh BYO to a wedding doesn’t work.

How will you keep everything cool (that needs to be cool)?

How will you stop tight arse uncle Greg who has a bottle of Jacobs creek with thin from taking some of that lovely 2007 Pinot noir someone else has with them? Are people meant to share? Will they have to watch their half empty bottles and carry them around?

What mixers will you be providing? Or are people meant to bring mixers as well?

serbska · 25/09/2018 17:14

I may be slightly negative given at the last BYO wedding I attended I popped my champagne for me and my +1 and the lady next to me started to fill her glass and share it round the table.

I was like ‘oh, that’s mine, not for the table’ and she replies “it’s ok I’ve got some prosecco, I’ll open that and we can have that next”.

If I wanted shitty £7.99 prosecco I’d have bought my own, rather than that slightly expensive and delicious bottle of champagne. [sob]

I had to cause a slight scene and basically grab the bottle out of her hand saying ‘no thank you, I prefer to keep mine’. So ackward.

Original poster
pearfect · 26/09/2018 09:45

Thanks for everyone's feedback, I think we will go ahead and ask people to bring a bottle, we don't want any gifts but any booze donated will go behind the bar (the hall kitchen has industrial sized fridges) and be shared out as and when. We will of course provide plenty of booze ourselves and soft drinks and teas / coffees. I intend it to be a very relaxed affair, I hope it works out that way.

Great idea in the paella!! I will seriously be considering this.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 26/09/2018 10:03

Just make it clear that you are providing drinks, including ample mixers and soft drinks anything brought along will be added to the stockpile Wink

Original poster
pearfect · 26/09/2018 10:08

Can anyone help me with the wording of the invite? I do not want to sound like a CF and I don't want there to be any confusion.

Sorry, clueless!

Some of these relaxed weddings PP have been posting about sound great. Inspired :) thank you

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 26/09/2018 10:15

I may be slightly negative given at the last BYO wedding I attended I popped my champagne for me and my +1 and the lady next to me started to fill her glass and share it round the table.

I was like ‘oh, that’s mine, not for the table’ and she replies “it’s ok I’ve got some prosecco, I’ll open that and we can have that next”.

If I wanted shitty £7.99 prosecco I’d have bought my own, rather than that slightly expensive and delicious bottle of champagne. [sob]

How tight of you to have brought something and kept it to yourself instead of just donating to the table and having fun with a group of new people. Very weird to expect that BYO means “we will literally only drink the exact bottle we brought rather than just donating it to the table”.

JynxaSmoochum · 26/09/2018 10:16

I've been to a lovely village hall wedding. Soft drinks, beer, wine provided. Bring your own of anything fancy. It was a good night.

I'd still tuck something in with your card though. It's traditional to help the couple set up life together even if the reality is upgrading the aging Argos dinner set with something a bit fancier.

Original poster
pearfect · 26/09/2018 10:45

ShirleyPhallus - I thought the same Blush

Luckily I don't think I know anyone who would have this kind of thought process...Confused

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 26/09/2018 10:48

I think if you have a bottle of very expensive booze you want to savour then a BYO wedding is not the one to drink it at!

Original poster
pearfect · 26/09/2018 10:48

If anyone has any other ideas about keeping a village hall reception cheap and cheerful and lovely - please chip in!

OP posts:
MrsFezziwig · 26/09/2018 10:49

Am I unusual in that if a couple says “no gifts” I wouldn’t bring one?

Original poster
pearfect · 26/09/2018 10:50

MrsFezziwig - I thought the same. I would respect the wishes of the bride and groom. It seems we are of the minority though!!

OP posts:
NanooCov · 26/09/2018 10:51

I think it would be fine. My brother in law and his wife had a very laid back reception and people were asked to bring a dessert/cake (there was a full buffet and bar). It was fun.

RandomMess · 26/09/2018 10:55

I've been to a bring a plate reception- more difficult if guests are travelling from afar...

FiveShelties · 26/09/2018 10:57

We attended a wedding like this, took bottles of wine to drink (and share!) and a bottle of champagne as a gift - it was the best wedding we have ever attended.

Original poster
pearfect · 26/09/2018 10:58

We only have one part of the family who will have to travel...and they will be staying with us for the week anyway. The venue is walking distance to our place, so no issues there. All other guests are nearby.

We want our wedding to be no hassle and low cost for our guests. We don't want them to feel put out in any way. We just want a big happy party where no one has to worry about transport or accommodation or spending a shit load

OP posts:
twiglet · 26/09/2018 10:59

A cheese "cake" is good for the evening we went to Costco and bought crackers/oatcakes and chutney. It worked out as £2.50 a head with some dips on the side etc. Great for soaking up booze as well.
Friend had bring a cake to share table which meant desert was covered and you went up to pick what you wanted.
Other tips you can hire glasses pretty cheap from Sainsbury's and waitrose, picking up battery fairy lights just after Christmas adds for easy decoration and asks friends if they have any bunting! Our wedding bunting has now been used at 6 additional weddings!

IvanMashPotatoIvanDoTheTwist · 26/09/2018 10:59

I think this sounds like a great idea 😊

(Although different) I went to a wedding recently and the couple said instead of traditional gifts they'd like a bottle of wine. Well, for the past few months whenever they open a bottle the giver gets a little picture of them enjoying the bottle they bought them. I thought that was a nice touch too.

FiveShelties · 26/09/2018 11:01

"If I wanted shitty £7.99 prosecco I’d have bought my own, rather than that slightly expensive and delicious bottle of champagne. [sob]

I had to cause a slight scene and basically grab the bottle out of her hand saying ‘no thank you, I prefer to keep mine’. So ackward."

Haha - very good I almost thought you were serious for a second. Grin

Jamhandprints · 26/09/2018 11:07

Sounds lovely OP. If you say "no presents" people may still bring a present but they won't feel obliged to.

Original poster
pearfect · 26/09/2018 11:12

the cheese idea sounds lovely!

we were thinking of getting those cake stand things you get when you go for afternoon tea - and filling them up with cakes and sweets after dinner and cheese and crackers in the evening. Plonking them down on each table and let everyone just chose what they want.

IvanMash - thats a GREAT idea!!!! I will give that some thought, also :)

OP posts:
Original poster
pearfect · 26/09/2018 11:13

Just to say a big thanks to everyone who has been positive about this idea and for giving me more ideas.

Also thanks to those who have pointed out the cons - something to be aware of. So thanks all

OP posts: