Little things that make you feel attractive

[TwllBach]

I am 30, mother of one 2 yo DS and a part time receptionist. I live with DP, who, although I love, I have not had sex with for two years - not my choice.

It's definitely a bone of contention and we are tentatively trying to resolve it. However, I am suffering quite a bit of damage from it now as I feel like shit, quite frankly.

I have always had awful body image, from a very young age. As a teenager I was a size 8 with a classic hourglass figure, boobs and hips and toned, tanned and tall. I felt like the ten tonne woman. Now I am overweight, tired, frumpy and haven't been taking care of myself, externally or internally.

I suffered from a deep depression and anxiety from DSbeing about -6 months and I am clawing my way out of it now - I'd say I was 70% better. Along the way I have discovered that I need to take care of myself. Recently I have started eating better and exercising and actually enjoying it again.

The point of this thread is that I clearly don't get external validation for my physical appearance. He does tell me I'm pretty and he is physically affectionate in terms of cuddles, but we don't kiss (as in snog) and obviously no sex. I miss feeling desirable. I miss feeling wanted. I miss feeling attractive.

I am not about to go looking for an affair, but I do want to be able to feel good about myself. I want to feel attractive, for want of a better word. I am pretty broke at the moment and therefore can't spend on clothes or expensive hair cuts, but I have got a basic cut booked for next week. Some other women's ways of doing so have been -

• keeping their nails painted
• a face mask once a week
• wearing their favourite perfume

Does anyone else have any suggestions?

Love not live!

GlassHeart the nearest one to me is about half an hour drive away, but you are right to say exercising outdoors is a huge buzz! I live in rural north wales, so had started running with DS around two months ago and we were both really enjoying it. He would trot along beside me for lots of it and then I'd run with him in the buggy when he got tired. I wasn;t going far or fast, but I was averaging about 40 active minutes a day, or so Fitbit told me, 4/5 days a week. I've never really enjoyed running but I really clicked with it then!

However, when I was pregnant I suffered really badly with SPD and then they had to put me in stirrups to help me get DS out and nothing has ever really been the same for my hips/back since. About a month in to the running, all of a sudden my right hip started spasming and I honestly cried with the pain. Couldn't walk, couldn't sit, stand, kneel or lie down without awful pain. I couldn't pick DS up or anything, When I went to the GP about it, she agreed with me that something was misaligned and referred me to physio next week, so I've laid off the running for now. I'm in nowhere near as much pain, but it is still pretty sensitive!

If you have a gym locally i’d recommend spinning. Another with something misaligned in my pelvis, it was recommended to me and it’s been great. If I don’t go the pain comes back. It’s also a good intense exercise.

Ooforfoxsake do you think normal bike riding would have the same effect?

I’ve made an effort today although we are just running errands - returning stuff and butchers etc. I’ve even put some of my hair up! It’s likely I’ll take it down shortly though to disguise my chins

You look lovely OP

Probably. A Pilates teacher recommended it to me to build my bum up (she said it was very flat 🤔) and that would in turn support my lower back. Sounds like you live in the ideal place to do some bike riding (love North Wales, I’m in Manchester so it’s a favourite place).

Do you feel better about yourself generally for the changes you are making?

I dooooo it’s an amazing place. DP used to do triathlons etc but I haven’t ridden a bike since I was 7 it is something I keep meaning to invest in because I want DS to have healthy hobbies and it in theory can be something we do together as a family!

Erm... I don’t know, is the honest answer to your question. I feel a bit like a fraud. Like I’m walking around thinking I’m better than I am or something ridiculous like that. On top of that, I feel like I’m drawing attention to myself. One of the reasons I fell into the scruffy jeans and jumper trap is that I live in a village populated almost solely by climbers/runners and outdoor pursuit types who wear climbing trousers/shoes and jumpers/down jackets all year round, and I’m genuinely not exaggerating. I don’t have those hobbies and don’t have those clothes, so I went for the nearest thing which was jeans trainers and jumpers, but that was never really how I wanted to dress or dressed in the past. Where I’ve lost what little body confidence I had though, I just want to blend into the background!

Smell lovely every day Perfume Parlour do amazing dupes for all the good perfumes for just a few quid.

Most colleges offering beauty courses always need models for students to practice on. I can get a very decent leg and bikini wax for less than £10. A pedicure is about £8?

Get yourself to your nearest posh town and trawl the charity shops for quality clothes for just a few quid. I recently picked up an All Saints pure wool sweater for £7.

Decide on your Daily Basic (that's what I call it). Your Daily Basic is your minimum base level for your appearance. For me this is:

Showered and hair washed & blowdryed.

Skincare is a cleanse + anti-aging serum.

Clean matching underwear.

Spritz of a perfume dupe.

Simple make up regime of CC cream + shade in brows + mascara + blush + tinted lipbalm.

Simple outfit of jeans & top + the all important 3rd Item (Google this) which lifts your outfit a bit. So either statement earrings or scarf. Or nice shoes or a quirky bag. Even just a striped top, layered under your sweater and peeking out at hem and cuffs, just adding interest.