Little things that make you feel attractive

[TwllBach]

I am 30, mother of one 2 yo DS and a part time receptionist. I live with DP, who, although I love, I have not had sex with for two years - not my choice.

It's definitely a bone of contention and we are tentatively trying to resolve it. However, I am suffering quite a bit of damage from it now as I feel like shit, quite frankly.

I have always had awful body image, from a very young age. As a teenager I was a size 8 with a classic hourglass figure, boobs and hips and toned, tanned and tall. I felt like the ten tonne woman. Now I am overweight, tired, frumpy and haven't been taking care of myself, externally or internally.

I suffered from a deep depression and anxiety from DSbeing about -6 months and I am clawing my way out of it now - I'd say I was 70% better. Along the way I have discovered that I need to take care of myself. Recently I have started eating better and exercising and actually enjoying it again.

The point of this thread is that I clearly don't get external validation for my physical appearance. He does tell me I'm pretty and he is physically affectionate in terms of cuddles, but we don't kiss (as in snog) and obviously no sex. I miss feeling desirable. I miss feeling wanted. I miss feeling attractive.

I am not about to go looking for an affair, but I do want to be able to feel good about myself. I want to feel attractive, for want of a better word. I am pretty broke at the moment and therefore can't spend on clothes or expensive hair cuts, but I have got a basic cut booked for next week. Some other women's ways of doing so have been -

• keeping their nails painted
• a face mask once a week
• wearing their favourite perfume

Does anyone else have any suggestions?

How do you all know what bra size you are by the way??

Ah yes, Tash removal.
I love my epistick. Costs nothing and so easy, a little stingy but no skin irritations

I’m quite a bit older than you but my ds has just turned 4
It’s great that you are addressing this now. I don’t think I started getting back on track until he was 3 but am finally starting to feel a bit less of a disheveled mess and can even do a very passable good day a couple of times a week

Op, to check your bra size, use the guidance here thebetterbracampaign.blogspot.com/p/fitting-advice.html?m=1

The exact size still depends on the brand and style so you will need to try a few on but this gives you a good starting point. A well fitting bra can really change the way you look (and feel).

Asda have some really nice bras in & I have seen F cups

I have painted fingers AND nails and made the effort to organise meeting a friend for a drink next week.

I’ll definitely have a look at Asda after figuring out what size I am. I used to really like my boobs but atm they’re just another thing I’m viewing, dressing and treating as fat, frumpy and practical.

Bet your nails are looking Bootiful

For me it’s wesring earrings and a pedicure. Also using hair straighteners (GHds) daily. Just a quick once over with them on freshly washed and conditioned hair. Also hair removal, waxing or Immac

Shaved legs
Absolutely have to have my nails painted no matter what
Do my hair a little different than usual and put on some make up.
Wear something I don't usually have on. If I'm just at home I can get away with wearing something I wouldn't usually wear outside, like a nice summer dress even if it's raining outside.
Heels!! I fucking hate wearing them but they instantly make me feel sexier.

Do you want to do things to make you feel better about yourself, for yourself?

Or do you want to do things that will make your DP sit up and take notice?

One of the best step by step dating advice books that I read years and years ago, said something like this:

Spend a coupe of days without a shower. Don't do anything grooming-wise apart from deoderant and brushing your teeth. Don't cut your nails, trim hair, or anything like that. Slob out.

After two days of doing this, then on the third day, really sort yourself out. Shower. Scrub. Use product on everything you use product for. Trim everything you can trim. For women I guess this also means makeup and painting nails. Wear the best clothes you have with the best accessories.

The transition from slob to cut and polished gem will make you feel bloody fantastic in yourself and really help your self esteem. This will come through in your personality and body language.

Now obviously you're not going to go on a date, but it COULD be a perfect way to start a romantic day/afternoon/evening with your DP, in order to rekindle a bit of a spark. If he's worth his salt he should respond to this sudden transformation with "Wow" and pay you compliments. You can accept them graciously and then kiss him, starting very chastely and then moving into a deeper kiss after a few seconds. Don't rush it, don't stress out about it, be controlled with it.

The rest of the day/evening/whatever should take care of itself with any luck, especially with some strategically placed drinks/candles/whatever. Make sure that this all happens on a day when you KNOW he has no prior commitments. Check beforehand.

It's really easy to slip into that "peck on the lips, say that I love you, but not really anything else" zone and it's always worth trying to break out of it again! With any luck he'll be seeing you in a new and refreshed light for a few days at least, and give you loads of positive feedback.

If he doesn't respond in the above way, it might be worth having a calm and loving conversation about how you want to do something nice for him, and you want to feel good in yourself too, etc etc etc.

Red lipstick. Just brightens my face up even with minimal makeup.

Tidy eyebrows.

A good sleep so I don’t have bags!

@TwllBach get sized at a department store or lingerie store! And tell them what style of bra you like. You can change bra sizes depending on style or shop but get one done and that's a ballpark comfortable bra size that will support you

Sounds like you have nice blazers and nice jeans. I find a white top..brand new so still very white finises that outfit. Get two as they are cheap and keep them white. Wear this outfit to the supermarket etc so you feel smart every time you go out.
If l have very little money a sparkling plain white top lifts all my outfits.

All the advice above is great, OP, but have you actually sat your DP down and asked him what's going on?

Blusher. Even if I wear no other make up blusher makes me feel happy.

Just on my phone so will reply better a bit later, but mawkish and sethis rise points about DP so...

I have addressed it several times with DP and he struggles to have a conversation about it. Without going into too much detail, he had a sort of chemically induced breakdown when ds was 4 months old and is only just coming out of it now. He’s worked hard to get himself better and I can’t befin to explain how difficult that first year was for the three of us. I’m not sure whether he has just lost interest in me or whether he’s lost any sort of libido at all, which the reading I’ve done suggests is possible. I DO know that any time I’ve tried to initiate anything other than a peck on the lips it has resulted in rejection and that is really hard. He’s great in every other way but this issue is really impacting on my self esteem. At the base of it is the thought of how hideous I must actually be that even my own partner can’t grit his teeth and shag me occasjonally.

I’m well aware that I need to be able to feel attractive in myself because either we stay together and either come to terms with no sex or fix it or we go our separate ways. I need to feel good about myself so that I can either cope with no sex or eventually have enough confidence to find someone else.

I’m not doing this as a way of enticing DP, it’s all about me. It makes sense in my head

This is what I’m wearing today. When I look at those photos I don’t look as fat as I feel.

I’m taking £50 and I’m going to spend it on clothes for myself today. I’m sick of feeling so shit about myself. I need good basics - if anyone wants to throw ideas at me I’d be grateful!

I think you look fab!

I wear make-up everyday. Nothing over the top, just a grey eyeshadow, black eyeliner and mascara and a lipstick. I do paint my nails as well.

I always wear pretty and flattering clothing.

I keep my legs shaved.

I exercise and eat well.

You look lovely 😁 I'd spend your £50 on:

-A palette of eyeshadow
-Mascara and eyeliner
-A lovely shade of lipstick
-A pair of earrings
-Nail polish
-Hair clips

Or go out and get your hair done or throw caution to the wind and get something done you've always wanted like a piercing!

That was meant to be:

Go on some YouTube hair and makeup tutorials and learn a few new tricks to update your style and make you feel more glam/fresh or whatever look you want and try out different looks.

You do look great. Maybe you just need to work on your self esteem, join a class or a club, build your confidence up from the inside.

I didn’t realise my face was in one of those I did put my contacts in and put some make up on!

I definitely do need to boost my self esteem but part of doing that is feeling like I look good. As much as I wish I didn’t place importance on physical appearance I can’t help but do so

I have wondered about my hair recently... I’ve never done anything with it in terms of styling as it’s quite fine and heavy. I’ve never needed to straighten it and I always wear it down. It’s in relatively good condition and shiny so after I’ve had it cut I’m wondering about YouTube tutorials like a PP said. I’ve never worn it up because I’m self conscious about my face and my chins - I feel like having it down disguises them both! But perhaps I should look at updating myself a bit

I didn’t buy anything apart from blue jeans in the end. And baby clothes for my imminent niece or nephew ha.

I feel like a minger OP so enjoying your thread-thanks!
Does anyone have tips for short fat fingers-I think false nails may look awful.