Can I become a person who is entirely unafraid of cats?

[JessiCake]

Dh and DD are both desperate for a cat.

DH grew up with them, DD is an only child and is truly obsessed with cats/kittens. I've given it months and months to see if the obsession wears off but it is greater than ever.

I was never allowed pets as a child (though I did try to adopt a stray cat when I was 12ish, the rest of my family were terrified of animals and my mum wouldn't countenance us having a cat so eventually I had to stop feeding it and it never came back...) and as a result I'm not comfortable around them. I have got better with dogs, oddly enough, but for some reason cats still make me wary.

BUT... I love love love the idea of getting one and having it become a part of our family.

I'm just anxious about the reality.

Our neighbours' cat has semi-adopted us and will pop into the garden (sometimes even the house) for a bit of company. He's adorable. Sweet, friendly, gentle with DD (who is great with him), a bit nosy. I feel really cheerful when I see him popping across the garden towards us, or sunning himself on our back wall in a propreitorial sort of way. But on the rare occasion it's just me in the house and I pop out to chat to him, I can feel myself getting really nervous when he does something unexpected. I think he just wants to play - he goes up on his back paws and waggles his front paws at me splaying his claws and I know he's only being friendly because a moment later he's heading for me to rub his head against my legs, but I startle and jump and worry he's going to scratch me.

DH is adamant that as and when we get a cat, we will get a kitten and then I will bond with it and love it because it will be so small to bgin with, not like an adult cat, and that then that will stop me being jumpy of it when it's an adult.

I would love for this to happen - i'm a cat person in theory, it's just the practice I'm worried about!

With some experience and the right mindset (ie WANTING to love and be loved by a cat) will this change?!

Actually, the question I should have asked in the title, really, is: Can I become a person who is entirely unafraid of ONE cat that we own?

Don't mind staying wary of all other cats!!

I think your dh is right. Kittens are utterly adorable and so tiny and fricking gorgeous. If you get one from a rescue then you’ll be able to visit and bond a little before you bring it home.

My old boy used to sleep inside my top on my boobs when we first had him he was so tiny. I’m melting just thinking about it. He was only 6wks though, I think 8wks is the youngest they’re advised to leave mum these days.

I WANT A KITTEN NOW.

Once you get your own kitten you will fall in love! ❤

Definitely go to a rescue home as they will give you advice about how to get them settled in.

Is it the idea of being scratched or bitten that frightens you, OP?

Jooooooin usssss!

Kittens are so adorable (even when they're being little bastards) that they reprogram your brain. It'll be fine. Get two!

I'd advise the opposite actually, I think you'd be much better off getting an adult rescue cat whose personality and temperament are already known. Kittens, while adorable, can be scratchy little things until they know better, and those teeny claws can really hurt!
An older, placid cat from a rescue place would be ideal.

I was always a bit wary but liked them. I adopted one from cats protection and he's an absolute dude. Never bites or scratches, he just likes to sit and have fuss and cuddles and sleep on me. He caught me with his claw once and hid under the sofa because he thought he had hurt me

It’s so different when it’s your own cat. My mum was the same when we got our first kittens as children; she didn’t know what to do with cats normally! Kind of like parenthood it comes naturally and each cat is different so you’ll soon work out what’s best for you. FWIW my mum had to tell us recently that our cat had passed away after many many years and she cried more than any of us. She was absolutely smitten with her and found her passing far more difficult than she had expected...I guess over the years she had become far closer than she’d realised! She’d never be without a cat now

ScreamingValenta, good question! Scratched, I think... I had a friend who had her eye scratched by a cat when she was little and my mum went on and on and on about it for roughly the rest of our entire lives... 'cats are dangerous, cats are evil' etc... It's no wonder I'm a bit jumpy, I guess!

I think also, having never had a pet growing up, I tend to be worried when I don't know what an animal is thinking! I obsess about the neighbour's cat's body language and try to work out if he's looking a bit over-excited or whatever.

DH is so relaxed and as a resuly the cat relaxes! DD too, to be fair, she's excellent with him (though I have impressed upon her the need to be careful and to let him come to her rather than bother him if he's not in the mood)

Hadn't thought about the adult/kitten thing, Petulia, a calm adult cat might be the thing, I suppose... the teeny claws don't scare me as much as the adult ones, though. I think maybe it does all come down to less of a claw fear than a not-knowing-what-they-re-thinking fear...

Oh, Ollivander, that's so sweet.

Thanks GoodHeavens, I could see me being the same... at least, I'd like to be!

I think if you got your own kitten you would fall in love with it. I know a lot of people think cats are quite unpredictable and that frightens them but you really come to learn all their tells and mannerisms and can tell what kind of mood they're in just from the expression on their face etc.

They're such loving pets and can be great company and there's the added bonus that they're fairly low maintenance.

I would definitely go for it if I was you!

I agree with Petulia. I think you would be be better off with an older cat.

My DS was very wary of our kitten. Part of it was because of the cat's very unpredictable nature. Like a lot of kittens he had a tendency to randomly leap up out of nowhere with his little needle-claws at the ready.

As the cat got older and calmed down a bit, DS lost all of his previous nervousness.

Come on, how could you not love...

This is him. You can bear hug him and everything and he just sits and purrs at you

Thanks everyone.

Fekko, oh, dont' worry, I have absolutely not problem loving that!! It looks like the neighbour's cat actually, and I'm ever so fond of him already.

Just remembering all the other things my mum used to say about cats - 'they can tell when you're scared of them, then they make a beeline straight for you...' etc.

It's a miracle I've ended up liking cats (even if more theoretically than practically) at all!!

Oh, for crying out loud, Ollivander, he's gorgeous.

If anyone else would like to take the opportunity to upload their cat's pic, please do so!

I agree with Petulia. Kittens are gorgeous but they do scratch and bite in play. My cat is one and she's very gentle now but we did have to look out for her claws when she was a kitten. A calm adult cat from adult rescue would be much less likely to scratch.

On the other hand, your DH and DD would probably prefer a kitten. And you might find it easier to bond with a kitten, too. They are very cute! If you decide to go for a kitten, you can get "cat wands" to play with. They are like small fishing rods with a little fluffy toy hanging from the bottom. You dangle it for the kitten and it can play with the toy while your hands are safely out of reach. It's important to play with kittens so they don't decide to play with less ideal things instead - like your feet! If you get two kittens, they will play with each other.

One last tip - don't try to tickle your cats tummy when it's lying on its back. Most cats dislike their tummy being tickled and it is probably the action that is most likely to result in you being scratched or bitten. Rather stick to stroking them along their backs or rubbing them behind the ears/under the chin.

This is my new baby! She's just turned 16 weeks and I love her so much 😍

My local rescue has two cats in that would be perfect for you, they were handed in as the owners child was allergic to them, but they are total sweethearts and used to children. You can do anything with them they are so chilled. They have been sadly overlooked time and again as they have to go as a pair as they've lived their whole lives together, as the rescue is closing down it's getting more difficult to get people to look at them :( I'm sure your local rescues would have something similar in, you could for plenty of visits in advance to make sure you were comfortable with them.
I'm sure that your fear will be more a case of the 'what if's' and once you're actually living with a cat and get used to their behaviour you'll be fine.

One tip is to avoid playing with the cat with your hands, always use a toy and avoid tummy rubs as some cats hate that! Many will subtly let you know that they've had enough of being stroked by slowly waving the tip of their tail, if you ignore that then they might scratch because you aren't listening, but on the whole with the right cat I think you'll be fine!

If scratching is your fear, once you have your own cat you will quickly learn its body language and know when it is annoyed or irritated, long before the situation gets to a stage where the cat will lash out.

I can understand why the eye accident left a lasting impression on you. If you ever have to do something that you know your cat won't like (which with most cats is the only time you're likely to be at risk of getting swiped) you could put on a pair of sunglasses (or normal glasses if you have them).

I second PP who said get an adult rescue.

My eldest was absolutely terrified of cats, I had to give up the idea of adopting a kitten from a friend as she was so scared she could not be in the same room as it. For her it was the unpredictable running around and the mortal fear of being scratched.

When I got together with DP he had two adult cats, I explained to DD that like me and her and her sibling DP came as a package with his two cats.

She was utterly determined to get over her fear of cats, and one day after school, she went home and sat in the room with the cats and let them approach her. When we all got home about half an hour later she was sitting quite happily reading and the boys were utterly ignoring her.

She told me she had expected them to scratch her but they just sniffed her and rubbed themselves agianst her and then walked off....

She has loved and adored our cats since and we had four at one point.

Coming from a girl who was too scared to be in the same room as cats that is saying something.

I think similar to what DD did, you need to meet the cat you want to adopt and just let eachother get to know one another.

Cats don't usually scratch their humans maliciously, I do get accidentally scratched (tiny little surface scratches) but they really take care not to hurt us when they're playing. One of ours instinctively knows when I am unwell and comes and cuddles me when I am lying down, his purring is really soothing when I am unwell. they're incredibly gentle with our crazy toddler who wants to stroke them and tend to run away from her.

I think you'd be best going to a cat shelter explaining your fears and they will be able to match you with a suitable docile cat.

Kittens are adorable, but they're also nuts, when we got our rescue kittens, they climbed the curtains and would pounce on my toes! Probably not what you need if you are afraid of cats currently.

DP has never liked cats. I don't mean he was scared of them, nor did he hate them - he just didn't like them ...

... until a few years ago when a terminally ill neighbour told us that he had a few months to live and was worried about his cats (who used to visit us, with DP being a bit 'hmm' about it all).

DP came around to the idea and we've now had our two lovely 'furries' for over three years now.

Who is most in love with the cats now?! DP!! Actually, I adore them anyway, but DP also adores them too. Last, ordinary, vet visit (which we do together), was DP weebling around like a 'concerned parent', whilst I sit in the chair letting the vet get on with her thing!!

I'm sure you'll be fine!

Just to add I do hope you can update with details of any new family members that you might get OP ;) I've owned lots of animals, but cats are definitely one of my favourites!

Definitely get a cat! Kittens may be better as a pair as they will play with each other. Rescue cats would be good otherwise particularly if their history is known though please be aware some rescues have an age limit for the children they'll home with.

Whatever cat or kitten you end up with you will have to realise one thing. You will get scratched. It is inevitable unfortunately when it comes to cats. It will most likely be on your hands or arms though. Yes it's sore but they're pretty much a badge of honour for any cat owner!

There will often be no rhyme or reason as to why they've scratched. One minute you're fussing them and they're loving it and the next they've had enough and swiped you! Or they've just got a bit carried away while playing. Or you've accidentally poked a toe out from under a blanket.

Whatever happens you will love it as much as you love your own DC even if the little bugger scratches you or your furniture to pieces!