Can I become a person who is entirely unafraid of cats?

[JessiCake]

Dh and DD are both desperate for a cat.

DH grew up with them, DD is an only child and is truly obsessed with cats/kittens. I've given it months and months to see if the obsession wears off but it is greater than ever.

I was never allowed pets as a child (though I did try to adopt a stray cat when I was 12ish, the rest of my family were terrified of animals and my mum wouldn't countenance us having a cat so eventually I had to stop feeding it and it never came back...) and as a result I'm not comfortable around them. I have got better with dogs, oddly enough, but for some reason cats still make me wary.

BUT... I love love love the idea of getting one and having it become a part of our family.

I'm just anxious about the reality.

Our neighbours' cat has semi-adopted us and will pop into the garden (sometimes even the house) for a bit of company. He's adorable. Sweet, friendly, gentle with DD (who is great with him), a bit nosy. I feel really cheerful when I see him popping across the garden towards us, or sunning himself on our back wall in a propreitorial sort of way. But on the rare occasion it's just me in the house and I pop out to chat to him, I can feel myself getting really nervous when he does something unexpected. I think he just wants to play - he goes up on his back paws and waggles his front paws at me splaying his claws and I know he's only being friendly because a moment later he's heading for me to rub his head against my legs, but I startle and jump and worry he's going to scratch me.

DH is adamant that as and when we get a cat, we will get a kitten and then I will bond with it and love it because it will be so small to bgin with, not like an adult cat, and that then that will stop me being jumpy of it when it's an adult.

I would love for this to happen - i'm a cat person in theory, it's just the practice I'm worried about!

With some experience and the right mindset (ie WANTING to love and be loved by a cat) will this change?!

I agree with posters who say if you are scared of being scratched a kitten is not the way to go, that adopting is a better option for you.
Not all cats give a warning in their body language before they scratch or bite ( I am looking at you posh arrogant boy).
But by adopting an older cat their personality will be obvious and the shelter staff will be able to help match you with the right cat.
In my (extensive due to my job) experience rescue cats are also much, much more likely to be very grateful for a safe forever home and tend to be more loving in general.
I do love a kitten, but heart gets melted far more often by older cats with a sob story that would be what we have 4 cats.

I've got a 'scary' cat: he's massive and very strong and a bit grumpy. When he bites, his jaws are strong. If he gets tangled in a jumper or similar and can't get away when he wants to, he gets cross and then when he gets down will pretend to be soppy so that he can bite my hand when I go to stroke him again.

BUT this is him...he's so beautiful and so loving that there's nothing I can do about it. He's basically Stockholm Syndromed me.

I'm weird, I like cats but I'm not keen on kittens. They are mad and I have been scratched in the past. Now that they're older they're complete sweethearts. My cats know the drill. DH likes to play fight and ends up covered in scratches I don't so I get all the cuddles. It's a deal that works for me. This is the lovely Betsy who we adopted last year when she was 10 months.

Could you spend some time at a cat rescue maybe? I’m sure they’d be grateful as it would help socialise the cats and it gives you some experience with the commitment

Agree with many above, go for a 2-3 year old from a rescue, that way you’ll know the temperament.

Blacks or black and whites are the best! They are so often overlooked, so many people want pretty cats.

Go see cats at rescue centres and pick the one that that chooses you!

I remember going to see one, he was brought into the room, I crouched down and said “God, you’re an ugly bugger” he promptly jumped on my lap and purred, love at first sight for both of us. Cue 12 years of mutual adoration, no scratches ever, and he thought grabby toddlers were great!

@RamblinRosie black cats are the best, I have two and they're very loving.

To be honest, it sounds like most of the facts your mother fed you over the years are complete rubbish! It would probably be worth reading up on cats body language and behaviour cues. Cats don’t ‘make a beeline for you’ when they can tell you’re afraid of them. If they come trotting straight towards you with their tail held straight up it means they’re coming to say a friendly hello. The standing up on his back feet is just him being eager to rub his head on you and have some fuss. I honestly would try and forget all the false facts your mother ever told you and do some reading of your own. Cats are not inherently evil. I’ve pretty much always had at least one cat, we currently have two. They are such wonderful pets.

www.cats.org.uk/help-and-advice/cat-body-language

Here's a pic of my two.

Hmm, we adopted two adults 5 years ago. One of them is as gentle as anything and has never scratched or bitten. The other is generally very affectionate but once in a while, maybe a couple of times a year, lashes out randomly with no telltale body language. Neither of my (young teen) DCs has ever truly taken to her. They love the gentle one and are really relaxed with her but are wary of the other, tense up and don't let her on if she tries to climb on their laps, move away if she gets too close on the sofa, jump if she runs at them. I suspect its a vicious circle and their behaviour rattles her too but I don't think they are ever going to quite lose the fear of being scratched so we are stuck with a permanently uneasy relationship.