Can I become a person who is entirely unafraid of cats?

[JessiCake]

Dh and DD are both desperate for a cat.

DH grew up with them, DD is an only child and is truly obsessed with cats/kittens. I've given it months and months to see if the obsession wears off but it is greater than ever.

I was never allowed pets as a child (though I did try to adopt a stray cat when I was 12ish, the rest of my family were terrified of animals and my mum wouldn't countenance us having a cat so eventually I had to stop feeding it and it never came back...) and as a result I'm not comfortable around them. I have got better with dogs, oddly enough, but for some reason cats still make me wary.

BUT... I love love love the idea of getting one and having it become a part of our family.

I'm just anxious about the reality.

Our neighbours' cat has semi-adopted us and will pop into the garden (sometimes even the house) for a bit of company. He's adorable. Sweet, friendly, gentle with DD (who is great with him), a bit nosy. I feel really cheerful when I see him popping across the garden towards us, or sunning himself on our back wall in a propreitorial sort of way. But on the rare occasion it's just me in the house and I pop out to chat to him, I can feel myself getting really nervous when he does something unexpected. I think he just wants to play - he goes up on his back paws and waggles his front paws at me splaying his claws and I know he's only being friendly because a moment later he's heading for me to rub his head against my legs, but I startle and jump and worry he's going to scratch me.

DH is adamant that as and when we get a cat, we will get a kitten and then I will bond with it and love it because it will be so small to bgin with, not like an adult cat, and that then that will stop me being jumpy of it when it's an adult.

I would love for this to happen - i'm a cat person in theory, it's just the practice I'm worried about!

With some experience and the right mindset (ie WANTING to love and be loved by a cat) will this change?!

I agree with the comments about going for an adult cat if you want to know what kind of personality they are.

My cat helped herself to my lap within about 7 seconds of meeting her, and basically she's been there ever since. Proper fat lazy cuddle cat, which is just what I wanted

*she may not have been fat when I first adopted her

Yes we have a 10 month old and he is just starting to settle down and not pounce on you every ten seconds. It is a bit unnerving at times. I had only had adult rescue cats before and i would do that again. I havent enjoyed the unpredictable scrathy , bitey , furniture destroying phase that is kittenhood and am glad he is calming down at least a little bit now.

I highly recommended getting a rescue adult cat. The staff at the rescue will be able to give you an insight into their background and personalities and find one which is suitable for you. When we adopted our boy there were several older cats who'd had elderly or family owners and were so laid back and just wanted to be cuddled.

Be careful if you go for an adult cat with a "known temperament". Everyone, and I mean everyone who was involved in Leroy's re-homing said what a lovely natured cat he is. Well he is... but... he's a bit of a nutter too. He's not averse to biting the back of your ankle if you don't address whatever issue he has at that exact moment!

If you do go for an adult, make sure you explain to the rescue that you're a little nervous so they can match you properly.

I wouldn't change my Leroy for the world, he's my baby, but I'm an experienced cat slave.

Yes you can overcome it.

I was scared of cats as a child but I've had three of the little buggers now. I'll grudgingly admit to sort of liking them if I absolutely have to.

I have four. Two were very non playful kittens, and two were/are very playful with class and teeth. I'm fine with the playing but, the little one is especially bitey at the minute, which isn't great for most of our visitors

I'd definitely go for an adult rescue as the rescue center will have temperament tested.

If you’re nervous, I would recommend getting an older resume who’s out of the unpredictable child/ teenage phase and whose personality is more certain. A rescue should be able to find the right cat for you.

Two of the little shits.

Your dh is right. Get a kitten and you’ll fall in love with him/ her

I’ve got two they’re gorgeous- and yes I chase away the other cats from our garden

DMC - your cats look so smug! Happy kitties!

Cats are fab. Once you get your own you will learn their body language and that makes them very predictable. You just have to pay attention to their little ways. I have four and they are all individuals with their own likes/dislikes/routines.

There are pros and cons to getting kitten vs adult cat. The fact is kittens do scratch and bite and can be unpredictable, climb up your leg when you're putting their food out etc. They are playing and learning and teething and are just excited about life. They are also cute and gorgeous and snuggly and sleepy and you can get used to each other from the start.

If you go to a rescue centre and get an adult cat, they will be able to tell you about their background and personality and find a good fit for your household (e.g some don't like young children, some are indoors cats)

You will end up with (at least) a cat and you will love them! People think they are sneaky. They really aren't.

I did with dogs i was terrified now i have one and love dogs

Professional smug about covers it.

OP have you ever considered approaching your local rescue and seeing if you can spend some time with kittens. They will win you over and a rescue will be more than happy to help you with your fear. And as you are afraid of them no doubt they will be attracted to you even more. :)

A few of my babies, I have 10 and an adopted stray.

I have 20 cats, plus assorted other pets. I've got a selection of disabled and abused and very elderly cats and they're all so happy to have a home and family of their own. The most loving ones are the ones who have had it hard and clearly appreciate their lives now. Go and visit a rescue centre, multiple times maybe and spend as much time around lots of cats as you can to get a good feel for them. You won't regret bringing a cat (or cats!) into your life. Their characters are wonderful.

If you got for a kitten, I would advise getting two. They'll play with each other, and teach each other what hurts and what doesn't. Our first cat is the most laid back cat in the world, and he's been a really good influence on the now year old kitten.
Both never use their claws with humans. They have crazy playfights with each other, it's hilarious.
They're both so laid back they actually like their tummies stroked. But advised before, don't try this on a normal cat!

Cats don’t just randomly scratch you btw...

As kittens/young cats mine would play with you with claws out, feet mostly as you walked past.

Other than that they’ve only scratched when they’re completely panicking, I once had to wash one (she walked on wet concrete) that was not fun.

Mostly they use their mouths, I’m reluctant to say bite because although technically it is a bite, it’s not strong enough to cause an injury.

So for instance the one I have now, is terrible for wanting stroked, but then getting overstimulated and biting... but, it’s just uncomfortable rather than sore, she’s never left a mark, you just get teeth on your hand.

Children tend to get scratched because they’re doing something they shouldn’t - so your childhood friend... you’ve kind of got to wonder how her eye got that close to the cat...a cat trying to escape being roughly carried round by a child for instance could result in an accidental scratch to the eye.

Although kittens are ridiculously cute they are pouncy, prone to needle claws and bityness. They also don't stay tiny for long at can be quite full on between 6-12months. Obviously normally this is fine but not sure if might be too much at the moment given your circumstances.
I would 100% suggest going to a good rescue like blue Cross, cats protection etc and asking them what they have that would fit best.
Our cats are very dog like, affectionate and easy going - they were horrors as youngsters!
Whether adult cat or kitten (always best to get two kittens at once - puppies get one, kittens get two) do go to a good rescue. Kitten season is over but they are sure to have a litter in or due. There are so many unwanted cats, please don't buy.

Also, might want to look into some pedigrees (there are still loads of these in rescue), don't get a siamese or bengal but many pedigree cats are very dog like.

Ive had both pedigrees and moggies and they are all lovely though. Its not uncommon for cats to live for 20 years now so even an adult will be part of your family for many years to come.

If you were to come to my house mine would totally sit on your lap - they do make a beeline for those that maybe a bit worried but it's more of a calming action than being a bastard 😉 I shut them away of someone doesn't want to say hello as they are too friendly!

Get a rescue kitten, OP
It will be the best thing you ever do!!!!!

Op you can totally get over this.

To learn about cat behaviour and body language, read Paul Gallico’s book, ‘Jenny’. It is the most wonderful novel about cats, and as a child I learnt so much from it about what makes cats tick.

Agree with everyone else that kittens are tiny fluffy psychos. I spent the first year with both of mine covered in scratches. It’s just a stage they go through until they learn to be gentle.

My cat hasn’t ever used his claws. He is so so soft. I can do anything with him. He was middle aged when I had dc. I was worried he would change, but is the gentlest cat ever. Dc pick him up and cuddle him and he goes limp. He wouldn’t ever hurt anyone. Mainly because we are his slaves and do exactly what he requires.

This is my old lady. A gentler soul you could not hope to meet. She has never scratched anyone (except a vet, once, when she was terrified - rubbish vet). If she needs to warn the dc they are are doing something she doesn’t like, she bats them with her claws in.

She does have a ticklish spot on her sides, and if you accidentally stroke her there she will bite - it’s a reflex reaction, she can’t help herself and then she gets all upset that she’s done it and hides under the bed looking forlorn. The bite doesn’t hurt, and certainly doesn’t break the skin.

I agree with others that an adult rescue would be best for you. If you are in the south east, the National Cat Centre (Cats Protection) near Haywards Heath would be a good day trip.

Some great advice on this thread. We have a 15 week old kitten and yes she’s lovely, but she’s also very unpredictable - jumps out of unexpected places, attacks our feet, leaps into the back of the chair I’m sitting on, etc. So think an older calmer cat would probably be better for your needs!!

Google Jackson Galaxy- a US cat behaviourist- some great tips on understanding cats and avoiding misinterpretation of their behaviour.