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Original poster

My children always give up on activities.

101 replies

plum100 · 13/09/2018 23:38

Does anyone else’s? So annoying. For example my daughter did dancing for well over a year , really liked it used to be ready really early in time to go, then said “actually the timing isn’t right “ and she felt that when she was at class she was missing out on family time. So i said we would
Find her another class which she tried and didn’t get on with the teacher at all. Now I’ve found out that all her old dance friends go to a different club on a different day so I said I would take her but she’s adamant she doesn’t want to anymore. I find it so frustrating as she really did enjoy it. All of my children are
Like it they’ve tried horse riding, guitar, Zumba, martial arts , recorder and they always give up. Do you think it’s me - should I say no they can’t give up? Thanks

OP posts:
famousfour · 16/09/2018 04:47

I agree with those posters who say that it’s about distinguishing between clubs they really don’t like and clubs where from time to time they would rather not go but enjoy it when they do.

My aim is to expose them to lots of things and home that something sticks that they can really enjoy as they get older whether it’s a team sport or hobby. Plus doing sports is healthy.

But there is a balance to be struck. You can very easily find that every evening is suddenly taken up and I do think mooching about at home is also important.

ShowerOfMonsters · 16/09/2018 07:20

Mine have several times said they want to give up their sport because they think they will get more time on the Nintendo
I say they have to go for the sessions for which I have already paid. It's fine if they want to give up, but they have to do another sport instead. Not doing anything is not an option. They always decide they want to stay with what they're already doing!

couchparsnip · 16/09/2018 07:59

Perfectly normal. Between them the DC have given up karate, ballet, football, horse riding, cubs, music lessons, rugby, basketball and more. They have all now found an activity each to belong to out of school (guides, theatre club and tennis club) and have been doing these for a few years now. It took years of trying different things before they stuck with something though. Don't despair!

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Original poster
plum100 · 16/09/2018 13:37

Well youngest started cubs last week -so far so good but we will see. I’d really like her to stick it out as she will exposed to such a variety of activities, but she’s already left Brownies as it was too borning(it was to be fair) - I will be holding off on the uniform buying Smile
I agree with letting them do the activities they have chosed rather choose for them, but if I let her do that I swear she would do nothing! Honest that’s the truth!

OP posts:
Brizzledrizzle · 16/09/2018 15:43

Mine have always had one 'hobby' that is compulsory - swimming lessons - but the others than can pick and choose. If it's a seasonal sport they need to finish the season or the course I've paid for and then they can stop.

TodoDoingDone · 16/09/2018 16:09

My DD has dropped out of three activities over past couple of years. Twice it was a musical instrument, once a sport. We'd paid for the lessons but she just didn't want to continue. She's too old to force anyway. I was annoyed and embarrassed as teachers called asking where she was, but there's not much I can do. I do feel a bit scarred though. This time round, we are making the extra activity cheaper, easier to get out of, and it's part of her Christmas present deal. If she drops it, then it was part of her Christmas present and she gets something smaller. If she sticks with it, it's Christmas as normal.

speakout · 16/09/2018 16:20

Mine have always had one 'hobby' that is compulsory - swimming lessons

Christ- compulsory hobbies??

brizzledrizzle · 16/09/2018 16:25

Christ- compulsory hobbies??

I think you'll find that I'm not the only parent who has insisted on swimming lessons until they can swim. Note the ' ' round hobby.

couchparsnip · 16/09/2018 16:30

Yes I don't count swimming lessons as a hobby really either. They are an essential life skill like crossing the road. Mine had to get to stage of swimming a mile before they could stop.

speakout · 16/09/2018 16:31

I am not sold on the swimming stuff.

It;s mostly swimmers who die by drowning.

My kids can swim strongly, as can I an OH.
No lessons.

I don't believe for a second that it will protect us from drowning.

brizzledrizzle · 16/09/2018 16:55

It;s mostly swimmers who die by drowning.

That's just like saying it's mostly people who use the roads who die in car accidents.

Swimming is a life skill that everybody should learn, some by swimming lessons others with family. Either way it reduces your risk of drowning if you are sensible and follow the rules. My two are both qualified life guards so are fairly well up on what to do and not do.

RSTera · 16/09/2018 17:46

It;s mostly swimmers who die by drowning.

Yeah, totally save your money. Nobody really thinks being able to swim is important, it's all just a big scam started by the swim schools so they can line their pockets.

TheKitchenWitch · 16/09/2018 17:48

Tbh unless you live near water or do a lot of water-related sports/activities, you don’t really need swimming on a day to day basis, do you?

RSTera · 16/09/2018 17:57

Why would you make your children more at risk at the beach, prevent them from taking up watersports if they wished to, make it so they couldn't go for a swim on holiday/ for fitness/ swimming party by not bothering with lessons though?

It's a total pain in the ass for schools to take kids to swimming lessons, but swimming is considered so essential that it's a statutory requirement on schools to do what they can to ensure kids can swim 25m.

'It's not worth the hassle' is not the normative standpoint.

TheKitchenWitch · 16/09/2018 18:26

I still don't think those are things that you need every day, they are voluntary activities.

If all children in the UK learn to swim at school, why would you pay for lessons yourself?

RSTera · 16/09/2018 18:31

Have you ever seen a school swimming lesson??

If you can't be arsed to take your kids to swimming lessons that's your call. I can't relate to your thinking though.

BackforGood · 16/09/2018 18:47

TheKitchenWitch - if you can't swim though, you miss out on all the opportunities that are water sports (plus of course the social stuff, and the fun, and the fitness part of it). My 3 dc have done so much that they wouldn't have been able to do if they couldn't swim.
Plus, as 6th formers and students, earned a lot more than min wage, as lifeguards.

wheatmyth · 16/09/2018 18:49

We never did formal swimming lessons, the children learned to swim, from an early age, just on holiday.
Not all schools offer swimming nowadays? My children's schools certainly didn't/don't. Though the school I attended as a child had its own swimming pool and that's where I learned to swim.

couchparsnip · 16/09/2018 19:47

I see swimming lessons like insurance. You may not need them but if you do ever find yourself unexpectedly in deep water you'll wish you could swim.

TheKitchenWitch · 16/09/2018 20:25

I did send ds1 for swimming lessons. He had zero interest, so while he learnt to sort of swim (enough to splash about on holiday) it was pointless to continue. He’s certainly never shown any interest to go to the pool for fun.
It’s like any other hobby, not everyone enjoys it.

SharpLily · 17/09/2018 08:45

My four year old has been going to swimming lessons for a couple of years and largely hasn't really enjoyed it, but we're not in the UK, a lot of houses have pools here, we are by the sea and there are lakes around our house. There are also pools at various restaurants and bars where only last week we saw a child fall in and have to be rescued, so being able to swim is very important here whether she enjoys the lessons or not and is the only activity I insist she stick at. Recently my daughter was moved up to the next class and has made really good progress, and now she can streak up the pool in a wonderful front crawl she's got a huge smile on her face through the whole lesson and is finding it far more interesting than the boring earlier lessons, so I'm doubly glad I made her stick it out.

clarabellski · 17/09/2018 11:04

I don't have any answers but I did read an interesting book at the start of this year about the psychology behind a lot of what is being talked about in this thread that you might find interesting Plum. It was called Grit by Angela Duckworth.

Original poster
plum100 · 19/09/2018 23:08

Thanks I will have a read x

OP posts:
stargazer2030 · 20/09/2018 04:51

My youngest won't go to any clubs (despite my encouragement). She has plenty of friends and is fairly outgoing just not bothered - always either round at a friends after school or has someone here.
She has just started secondary school with some great lunchtime clubs and the local guides group is really good. Despite the fact that several of her friends go she isn't bothered.

ZanyMobster · 20/09/2018 06:57

There is a big difference between forcing a child to keep doing an activity and just letting them give up at a top of a hat.

My DCs have been playing 2 of their sports for 4 years (12 and 10 now) and DS1 playing one of his instruments for 6 years. They have done other sports for between a year or more even and given up.

However I don't think it's acceptable to be committed to something then just not go that night as they don't fancy it, I don't allow that but if they are genuinely unhappy then we put a time limit on it of ie 2 or 4 weeks and try to find out what they weren't enjoying and if it wasn't just because they didn't fancy it that week.

Even their 2 favourite sports they have days when they moan and don't want to go but they always do go and enjoy it.

Swimming I insisted on, we live by the sea so vital. They hated it so gave up when they could swim properly. One of DS1s instruments I make him take exams in, he is very talented but woukd prefer not to do exams. It just gives him options for the future which he understands and is finally ok with that.