My children always give up on activities.

[plum100]

Does anyone else’s? So annoying. For example my daughter did dancing for well over a year , really liked it used to be ready really early in time to go, then said “actually the timing isn’t right “ and she felt that when she was at class she was missing out on family time. So i said we would
Find her another class which she tried and didn’t get on with the teacher at all. Now I’ve found out that all her old dance friends go to a different club on a different day so I said I would take her but she’s adamant she doesn’t want to anymore. I find it so frustrating as she really did enjoy it. All of my children are
Like it they’ve tried horse riding, guitar, Zumba, martial arts , recorder and they always give up. Do you think it’s me - should I say no they can’t give up? Thanks

SharpLily ]

What an awful experience.

You illustrate well all the negative things about forcing children to do these things against their will.

Yes extra curricular activities can bring lot of life skills, but above all they should be fun and enjoyable. If they are not then it's not fair to push.

I take your point about uniform, my daughter is a dance teacher, uniform is a requirement, but at a young age rules are loosely applied.
I don't know if you are in the UK, but many supermarkets sell younger girls ballet outfits very cheaply.
If you do have to buy uniform and it is barely used then can be sold on ebay.

Not all dance schools have a strict uniform policy for younger students, and some run second hand uniform sales.

It's a very MC thing, that DC have to be doing activities all the time. My aunt, who spends a lot of money on DD, wanted to pay for drama, ballet, Rainbows etc. She'd have had no time for free play, or now she's older, just the freedom to come in and flop on her bed. Oh, apparently she's not supposed to be exhausted after school either. She's an introvert. She finds interacting with people all day extremely tiring.

Perhaps it's only a MC thing because it's those people that can afford it.

Some kids thrive on activities, others not.

I have one of each.

My DD has been doing 15-20 hours of extra curricular activity in the past few years, my son did almost zero.

It's easy to think a child has chosen an activity when it's actually you that has chosen it. Though often we do think we have spotted some vast talent in our dc that remains stubbornly undeveloped after years of actually doing the thing.

I made ds play the cello, thinking he'd chosen it. For about three years. Three teachers, constantly restarting the practice schedule, shouting matches, total lack of progress. He finally succeeded in giving up. Five years later he suddenly asked to learn the piano. I remind him from time to time but otherwise it comes entirely from him and he is progressing really well. I don't regret getting him to try the cello but the amount of ineffective angst i put into it was pointless. I think if you are a real Tiger Mother who can do that schtick, then fine - it is pretty cool what kids can be moulded to achieve. But if that's not you, then really it's going to have to come from them.

I think there is a big difference between a child not wanting to do an activity because they really don't like the activity, and not wanting to go to an activity they do actually like when they get there because they would rather be playing xbox/ on their phone/ laptop etc.

A PP made a good point about real life activities not being as instantly gratifying as gaming etc, and therefore some kids think they are 'boring'.

I do think some parents let kids give up in the latter circumstances, which is doing the kids no favours IMO.

I think the issue is striking the balance between their going often enough at the start to get over an initial understandable reluctance to try something new and disliking it after giving it a good go. DS went horse riding for about 10 weeks or so before deciding he wanted to stop which we felt was ample time for him to make a genuine decision.

He learnt clarinet for around 2 years and then decided t wasn’t for him.

We were quite happy with that - we’d given him the opportunities and thought at least he’d know a bit about each activity so he could choose to take up either again when he was adult. (PS. He’s 34 nd hasn’t, btw)

Sorry - meant to add that swimming was non-negotiable for safety reasons, but only until,he was competent enough to have a fair chance of not drowning iyswim

speakout but they also seem to think that their DC should be doing lots of activities. When on earth are they supposed to be fitting in homework, watching TV/YouTube, playing, slobbing about, eating, bathing, sleeping? Mine go to a drop in after school club once a week until 6pm, they take a packed supper with them or they're in bed too late. When the school's after school clubs start they'll probably want to do 2 each.

But after school activities can be great for kids.

When I was a child I had zero opportunity to attend any form of extra curricular activity.

My DDs extra curricular activity has been literally life transforming.

Ds1 did go karting for a few years and then we had to pull a plug in it - it did cost an arm and a leg for us.

It's the attitude that they should do an activity every night. Even with 2 activities and the drop-in after school club, they're exhausted. I only let them do them because they want to.

mine are all different. I have two swimming for almost a year which they love, I have two that just haven't stuck it out at all. I have two that want to sign up for everything and anything and two that don't (not necessarily the same two).

Mine are the opposite.. they seem to keep accumulating more activities and sports without ever giving anything up. It's getting to the ridiculous stage now.. on Thursday night my son did a rugby match with the school team followed by a cup game for his football team, followed by his usual Thursday night martial art!!

It's not like that every week but he does something nearly every day. All driven by him!!

I agree with setting a timescale.

Sometimes they have to do a load of things to find that thing they 'love'. But they also have to know being good at something takes practice and they need to allow themselves time to develop as well as knowing money doesn't just grow in trees to start and quit things and the costs involved in classes, annual membership and equipment.

My ds loves his swimming. He started with lessons and then wanted to join a club. The club wasn't for him and he stopped swimming for a year. He then went back to lessons and the club spotted him and asked him to join. He did. But that club wasn't for him and after a year he asked to leave. 3 weeks later he missed swimming so we looked at different clubs. 2 years on he trains 6 times a week 🙈.

A honk the teen years ate difficult re clubs and social time. A lot of children are getting independence and starting to go out and it can seem like you are missing out on people meeting 'all the time'. Once you are at home everyday and not at club you realise it maybe only a few hours sporadically and you aren't missing much.

Once Ive paid for that term then yes they have to stick it out. Once it's over they can then change their mind.

My DD had her second dance lesson this morning has decided she doesn't want to go anymore. I've paid for a block of 7 so she'll need to go to the rest & then I won't rebook.
Annoying but I could do with the time @ home so won't complain too much.

I always take more notice of them if they say at the end of a session that they want to quit rather than just before they leave. It’s often an effort to get to something, but then once they are there, they like it. Ours are expected to do piano lessons for now and they have that experience of a long term commitment-sometimes you love it, sometimes it’s dull and sometimes it’s stressful and you don’t like it. But dd1 has just done grade 4 and has only ever said she wants to stop when she’s finding a piece really tricky.

How do parents manage to get kids to so many activities? Round here, most extra curricular tend to start between 4 and 6.it's almost impossible if you're not back from.work.until 530/6. But even then, your whole evening is taken.up.with ferrying kds back and forth.

My DS15 has just quit the clarinet after grade 4. TBH nearly every bloody practise was nag nag nag. The teacher was a really lovely guy but at £200 per term we can't afford to pay out for a hobby akin to pulling teeth. At the end of the day, they have to want to do it off their own backs or not at all. Some perseverance is important in life but not flogging a dead horse.

Flaskfan - luckily I work school hours or wouldn't manage it. DD2 attends Rainbows, swimming, netball and 2 dance lessons.
I won't mention DD1's extra curricular. 🙈

But even then, your whole evening is taken.up.with ferrying kds back and forth.

flaskfan

Yes, my DD was a 3.30 school pick up, (1pm on a Friday as school is half day) the straight to dance four days a week, or she would need picked up from school at 3.30, home, quick turn around, early dinner and off to the studio for 5pm.
I would have a snack or even hot pizza in the car so she could eat on the way to the studio.
Then pick up from dance at 7 or 8 pm.

It's fine, OP. I tried quite a few; skiing, ballet, tap. Athletics I stuck with longest and competed, and was reasonably competent.

My 10 year old daughter gave up gymnastics (after 4 years - began at pre school level) but stayed with ballet (started at 2.5 years) and now does four days a week of dance, plus ballet associates and competitions.
Older child gave up gymnastics, too, but is happily doing other activities (cadets) and working through her ballet grades.

We know lots of hobbyist children stuck to ballet to complete all the grades. Many gave up after reaching the 'goal' of pointe at around 11 years.

Totally normal OP and annoying.

I do give my eldest (9) a bit of a shove sometimes but only because he loves it, he’s just a bit lazy. I think you can normally see if they just can’t be bothered to get off their backside or if they really don’t want to do it.

Lurks