My children always give up on activities.

[plum100]

Does anyone else’s? So annoying. For example my daughter did dancing for well over a year , really liked it used to be ready really early in time to go, then said “actually the timing isn’t right “ and she felt that when she was at class she was missing out on family time. So i said we would
Find her another class which she tried and didn’t get on with the teacher at all. Now I’ve found out that all her old dance friends go to a different club on a different day so I said I would take her but she’s adamant she doesn’t want to anymore. I find it so frustrating as she really did enjoy it. All of my children are
Like it they’ve tried horse riding, guitar, Zumba, martial arts , recorder and they always give up. Do you think it’s me - should I say no they can’t give up? Thanks

Mine do this. They always seem to quit AFTER I've paid out for the equipment/uniform. It annoys the hell out of me, but I can't force them to go. They have to finish what I've paid for and I now make them tell the club themselves, but other than that they're too old to be able to force attendance (13 & 16), and tbh I wouldn't really want to.

I think that they get bored easily and would rather be on their phones, which I don't think is a good thing, but I do think it's common with today's younger generation. Although mine didn't have phones before year 7, I think use of social media, etc, and everything being instantly available means they've got no staying power and are easily bored.

Don't know what the answer is. Wish I did!

Mine doesn't like to quit anything, even if she's not enjoying it. So it's swings and roundabouts. I've stopped her doing some things because I felt like I was wasting money but she's always found something else to fill the gaps.

I think it's partly due to expectations of the parents though - I would not let a child quit something they said they wanted and I've paid for upfront and my child wouldn't expect to be able to do so.

There are things she has to do but can quit (should she want to) when she's older but currently they're non-negotiable. She accepts this. I'm not a terribly strict parent but I choose my battles carefully and win the ones I decide to fight.

Ds1 (11) has tried lots of different things and I’ve (finally) realised that it’s not that he’s crap at sticking at stuff: he just hasn’t found something he’s passionate about yet.
So he will finish this judo course and then stop, and after two years of guitar lessons and not ever playing at home even once without being reminded, we are now stopping that too.
But if he wants to try something else, then I’ll let him, because that’s how you find what you enjoy and what you’re good at.

I make them finish off the block/season or whatever I've paid for, but if they want to drop it that's fine. As PP said sometimes you think you'll enjoy an activity and for whatever reason when you actually get going at it you just don't.

My Mum was and still is horse mad, and there was a lot of pressure on us to horse ride and to do it well. I hated it and would never put that pressure on them. I think a lot of the time it's parents trying to live out their own failed dreams and ambitions through their kids, which is so wrong.

We have tried swimming, golf, rugby, ju-jitzu, tennis...
Eldest is currently enjoying guitar and football, but we bought him the cheapest guitar possible until we see whether it turns into a real passion or not.

When they're young - primary school age - a year is a long time. So if they stick something for a year they have done well. DD has to go for as long as something is paid for. She did gymnastics for a couple of years or so. It was quite clear to me that she was never going to be particularly good at it and after a while it got quite repetitive. When she said she didn't want to do it anymore we just stopped the lessons. I could have forced her to keep going but why waste my money?

These days she does violin. She enjoys the lessons but is less keen on the practice which is, of course, vital when it comes to learning to play. She's started to make noises about giving up but for now we're encouraging her to continue. We'll see how she gets on with it now she's back into the swing of lessons.

Children can be encouraged to do things but I see no point on forcing them to keep going with something they hate.

I was a bit of a giver-upper as a child. Gave up ballet and tap classes, horseriding and tennis.

The DC are a bit better than me. DD has been doing ballet since she was three. She's 12 now and is working her way through the grades and seems to be enjoying it. She also loves tennis lessons - has been doing these for a couple of years. She did give up swimming lessons when she had almost finished the stages, so I didn't mind about that.

DS gave up music lessons, and we have a guitar sitting in his bedroom unplayed. He loves sport, though and is committed to that and to Cubs.

I think you want a mixture of encouraging some to keep going and being flexible enough to stop if they really aren't enjoying it.

The way I tend to work is say they have to continue to the end of term, and have (unless there is a very good reason) to continue going to the sessions. Then I ask them at money time whether they want to continue. If they do (which most of the time they do) then once I've paid they have to see out the term. If they don't, I let them know if there are any consequences (eg there's a long waiting list and if they come off then they won't get back in straight away).

My oldest is a sticker. She generally keeps on going, so if she wants to give up, it's serious. She did ballet for 14 years and still does musical theatre coming up for 5 years, and piano for 9 years for example. Almost everything else she has only given up because it's stopped or she can't do it for one reason or another.
My other two are less of stickers. Dd2 is a bit of a flipper, so at one stage would have changed things termly. She'd now stuck on a few that she does for social and well as liking the activity reasons.
Ds would usually choose to sit and home and play on the computer, or go off with his friends to do football. I did for him insist he tried some things. He stuck with drama/musical theatre and having gone reluctantly for a term for an hour, is now doing 5 hours a week and would add to it if he had the option. If I hadn't said he had to do something he'd never have started anything as he doesn't like new things.

Thanks everyone - it’s definately trying to find that balance isn’t it. I don’t want to force my children to do things they don’t want to do - but at the same time like pp have said they need to learn to commit to things and preserve!

There has to be a balance. I gave things up when they became hard or I got hurt (sports on that one) all the time as a kid, and I remember being upset about giving them up too but not telling my mum it was because I was worried about something. I wish my mum had done what previous posters suggest with finishing the term or season. I think I would have continued more activities that I actually really enjoyed but was having a slightly hard time with had I not been allowed to just say "I'm not going tonight!" and never go again.

I think that it has affected me in my adult life too and I find it very hard to commit to anything once it becomes difficult and I think it is a contributing factor as to why I'm scared to try new things or do things like courses. So I'll be fair bit firm with DD when she's older and insist that it's fine to give it up but she has to go finish the month or term to give her a few sessions to get past any difficulties she may be having and enjoy it again if that is the problem.

I was this kid, and still am! >.< (hello, yoga, zumba, gym, various hobbies...)

I lasted maybe 2-3 lessons of things at most. My mum eventually gave up, and I don't blame her!

Good idea to try and get them to finish 1 season/term.

My kids do this as well, but the minute they are not enjoying something, they can stop. Speaking as someone who was made to go to dancing for years as my sister and cousins went, i won't make them do anything they are not enjoying.

Are thy doing too many activities? So many kids these days have something on nearly every night after school and they must be knackered. Better for them to go to one activity or club per week that they absolutely love than 4 that they would rather not go to. I hated all my activities as a child after the first few months, except for drama which I loved. I wish I hadn’t had to go to the others at all (dancing, then piano and brownies/ guides - did not like any of those but was forced to continue by my mum).

With sport, I think it’s fine to chop and change. Not everyone wants to do competitive or high level sport, and variety is good for muscle development and general physical health.

Art and drama all over lots of different media and it’s good to try out lots of possibilities.

Instruments require perseverance!

My DSS gave up on a sport after we'd just paid out for next year, DP and I were beyond annoyed and frustrated at wasting the money but never let DSS see it as he explained why and we understood (didn't feel comfortable as he was conscious of the fact he was bigger than the other boys and couldn't keep up so much so he cried telling his mum and asked her to speak to us)
Same thing happened with other DSS regarding a different sport, we'd just paid for the upcoming month and he quit without even telling us until two weeks later (when that months pay starts, paid 2 weeks in advance iyswim) when it was DPs turn to take him. In his case, DP expressed his anger to DSS over lying to him when asked about training sessions during those two weeks (he'd made out he was going when he wasn't) and if he'd have just told us the truth we could have saved the money to take them out somewhere for the day instead.
Now one DSS is back doing a sport but it took a lot of convincing us he would stick it out as we weren't willing to waste money (the only problem we have now is DPs ex always having 'other plans' on her turn to take him!)

My DS sometimes says he doesn't want to go out to his sports. I tell him he doesn't have to go, but if he doesn't go his screens won't be available for the time he would otherwise be out. Then it turns out he doesn't mind going after all.

I'm trying to equip DS with things he can use to build social capital as an adult. I want him to have some hobbies that he continues into adulthood so, wherever he goes, he can go and join a club/ society and find likeminded people. I wouldn't want him to miss out on that so he can play 2 extra hours of Fortnite a week.

For me personally it’s about the commitment. I don’t spout out some random rubbish about committing themselves to whatever activity they want to do.

I always ask DSD one question are you willing to try it out? If the response is no I’m strict. I show her a range of after school clubs and activities and ask her to make a choice of her own accord. She is given a choice from the outset.

I’m sort of with you RSTera.

My DH quit a sports team he loved after a moment of petulance and his parents let him without question. And I think he has regretted it as an adult.

My daughter has a couple of things she's stuck with and has enjoyed nearly all her life, she still loves them. She has given up on gymnastics, drama, karate, singing, dancing, keyboard, sports. I'm encouraging her to join more clubs at her new school now, but she just wants to do her two main hobbies all the time. As long as she has some interests that's fine with me.

At least they try stuff.Dd refuses to do anything at all! Ds has just swapped the marti art he's done badly at for 5 years, as he(we) just can't commit to two sessions a week, for a more relaxed martial art school.

I didn't stick to any hobby, bar musical instrument (got me out of pe). Been going to regular gym.classes for over 12 years now though, so I think a lot depends on age and cir umstance.

My only rule I suppose is fulfilling any commitments we/they have made. Barring any specific issues, if they're part of a show - they do it; if they've committed to/we've paid for a course, they complete it, etc.

If it's a pay-as-you-go type hobby, then they're free to quit as long as they've given it a fair crack of the whip, or if they loathe it immediately

I remember giving up brownies because I didn’t like the smell of the hall ! I regretted it later in life and wished I stuck at it and became a guide.

I let my children choose what to take up, its often something that their friends are doing, so they stick at it. Karate and football were favourites.

I agree with baroo- I don't see it as " giving up" or failing at something, I see it as trying out new things.

Even a short time trying a new activity can be of benefit and allows a child an opportunity to learn a bit more about themselves.

My DS joined a chess club at school- he went for a year, he made a new friend, learned the basics of chess, so all good.
He started fencing, he enjoyed it for a while, learned a bit about the sport, then decided it wasn't for him after 6 months.
Good on him for trying.
He started rugby when he was 11, he wasn't that great at it, but enjoyed it, he made some very good friends from other primary schools, so when his first day at secondary school came, he had a set of big burly protective friends that he knew from the other feeder schools- he is still good friends with these lads 10 years on.

My DD dances.
99% of the children that go to dancing will attend for a few years then "give up", but not before learning some good life lessons and the benefits that dance can bring.
OP have you never tried Zumba or joined a book club or started an activity that some months down the line you reasilsed wasn't really for you?

I don't see that as failing, I see it all as exploration.

I've just remembered being talked into going to Sea Cadets as a young teen - apparently my aunt knew some people who went and between her and my mother they decided it would be good for me, but I hated it from day one. I tried to explain that it wasn't a good fit for me but my mother spouted her usual 'you've made a commitment' rubbish - I'd agreed to try it out, as far as I was concerned, that's all. So I had to keep going and dreaded every session so much I couldn't eat all day before going. It got so bad that I actually wet myself during one session, in front of everyone, aged 14. The humiliation was unbelievable and I don't even understand how it happened. I think it was some kind of panic attack at being there, or some kind of unconscious protest. Why, as a parent, would you think that kind of experience is going to make a child enjoy a hobby or learn about commitment?

I think one of the problems is the need for uniform or kit for these things, which means you can't just try it out for a few months without laying down money. We've just paid 50€ for my four year old's compulsory ballet uniform and fortunately she loves going, but if not that would be wasted. I don't expect her to know if it's right for her without ever doing it though so it was a risk we were prepared to take. If parents weren't pushed into spending so much money up front then I don't think children would have to stick with things they genuinely don't enjoy.