Would this make you wary of someone ?

[HinglyBrowJangld]

Would you be wary/worried about a mother who displayed the following
-exhausted looking
-badly picked sore looking nails
-sores on arms
-no effort made with appearance/hair v v greasy
-spots
-too hot/visibly sweaty when the room wasn’t hot
-constantly checking phone during a toddler group

What would you think? It’s not me being judgy by the way I’m just wondering how all the above would appear to others

Not necessarily wary,no. I’d notice and wonder what’s going on,is she ok?what support network does she have, is there an underlying physical issue or vitamin deficiency
The phone checking maybe she’s expecting an urgent call,doesnt make her negligent

Are you able to befriend her?

Wary of her? Why would you be wary of her?

As long as the child looked well cared for I’d assume she was just run down and sleep deprived like many parents of young children.

I’d probably make an effort to chat to her and put her at her ease and find out a bit more about her.

I'd probably think she was ill.

Probably not. Aren’t most mothers of toddlers exhausted looking and sweaty? Complete with break outs from the lack of sleep. Or is that just me?

Going through your list applied to me

exhausted looking yup

-badly picked sore looking nails no

-sores on arms no

-no effort made with appearance/hair v v greasy yup occasionally I was too tired

-spots yup

-too hot/visibly sweaty when the room wasn’t hot yes had terrible UTI after I gave birth

-constantly checking phone during a toddler group yup sometimes

It all depends on a lot of factors

I'd hope that she's doing okay and try to get to chat with me. I tried today with a mum simillar to this but she wouldn't entertain me whatsoever. Still glad I tried. You never know what people are going through

Do you suspect she’s on drugs?

It’s me. I went today to a group and I was so aware of people looking. I’ve been so unwell and had to really drag myself
But now I’m worried what were they thinking . I’d been checking my phone as everyone came in and it was busy but there was a space either side of only me
I suddenly was very aware how dreadful I must look. Wish I’d covered my arms. Wished I’d washed my hair. My arms look dreadful then I was panicking people probably think I’m a drug user or something I’m just mortified how badly it went

You're thinking drugs aren't you

No, I cat imagine I’d notice any of that in a stranger. But the things you mention aren’t usual in any people, non new mothers included so I wouldn’t have anything to be wary about

I'd assume she was tired (aren't we all) and possibly some sort of hormonal imbalance/changed contraception. And maybe she was mumsnetting or facebooking?
Most likely I wouldn't really think about it though.

What exactly are you worried about?

Nobody spoke to me either. I shouldn’t have gone. I felt perhaps I was being a bit paranoid maybe that’s why I posted.
But I know how awful I probably appeared and I wondering what people would assume 😔

Yes I feel like I look like I’m on drugs (I’m not) and I really got the feeling that people were almost recoiling from me if that makes sense

Be kind to yourself,please.sure some will judge most won’t notice
Sometimes it gets too much and you end up looking like a sack of shite.i know I did
Get a GP check up, blood tests and discuss your health
What is causing the sores, dermatological flare up?stress?get it checked out

Op I doubt they noticed.

Tomorrow's a new day, get yourself to bed and try to set yourself a side an hour in the morning for a nice shower / make up / blow dry even if you take your toddler in the shower with you to play with their toys.

Well there are lots of reasons why they might not have spoken to you.

If you were on your phone, didn’t look up and make eye contact and didn’t speak to anyone they might have found it difficult to engage you.

Or they might all be shy

Or they’re all new and not the comfortable chatting yet

Etc etc

Try it again next week.

What are the sores on your arms? It’s the only hugely unusual thing from your list.

OP well done for going. Now one thing at a time. What were you most worried about be 'judged' about? Sort that one thing and the other things you are worried about will follow or you will realise they are not actually important. You have been a hero for you DC today by getting out and about.

Well done to you for actually going to the toddler group when you are feeling unwell.
I used to hate the places as noone made an effort to introduce themselves when i was new.
I think you would feel better in yourself if you had a good shower and washed your hair though.
And call in at the pharmacy to see if they can recommend something for your nails.

I don’t know what’s caused the sores. I think it’s stress (due to pnd). They are horrendous and weepingvlook like c pox tbh.
They itch and bruise round them so look like what I assume injection marks could look like. Antibiotics haven’t helped or Antihistamines
My hairs falling out and greasy no matter what
I has stressed about going and was just so sweaty and I know how bad I mystvhave appeared. I didn’t have time beforehand to wash my hair
I was checking phone as was waiting for an important message but then I thought how bad it made me look as if I wasn’t giving my son the attention.
It’s a busy group, I felt so aware nobody sat either side of me

To be fair if someone was busy on their phone I’d not interrupt them
Take 30min shower, for hair use leave on conditioner or serum,put body lotion on but not on the sores
Let hair air dry or if it’s long enough tie it back. Dab some spot cream on
Some mascara, dab blusher, squirt of fragrance you'll loook great

My nails I pick through stress I wish I could stop. It’s my arms though I should cover them but I was too hot. I can’t wait for winter I can cover up then
I felt like I shouldn’t be there and so conscious that I look like something is very wrong

Aw OP, come on, don’t beat yourself up. I’m sure no one thought much, everyone was more focused on their DC! Also, dry shampoo is a life saver :) for you

Op. From your description yes I would have noticed you. But I am a noticer. I do see stuff but more because I am a bit nosy. Genuinely as well it sounds like I would have seen you and thought “Bless her. She looks done in”. Whether or not I talked to you would depend on many factors to be honest but none of her at all would be to do with how you looked
I hope you are ok