Would this make you wary of someone ?

[HinglyBrowJangld]

Would you be wary/worried about a mother who displayed the following
-exhausted looking
-badly picked sore looking nails
-sores on arms
-no effort made with appearance/hair v v greasy
-spots
-too hot/visibly sweaty when the room wasn’t hot
-constantly checking phone during a toddler group

What would you think? It’s not me being judgy by the way I’m just wondering how all the above would appear to others

Hingly I’d bet large wads if cash that every young Mum there is feeling bad about her body post baby.

Stretch marks, section scars, leaky boobs, losing hair, poor skin, wobbly tummies etc etc etc.

Your arms feel massively obvious to you but they really won’t look that bad to everyone else - they’ll be too busy worrying about their own stuff.

I think I’ve just been stuck in and fighting to survive the day that I didn’t realise till I got there and saw everyone else and thought oh no I look really ill
There was a mirror in the entrance and it wa bright and I looked grey and spotty with dark circles round eyes sparse hair that was greasy and scraped back. I just looked unkempt and awful and I feel it put people off being near me
I just felt embarrassed

I read once that we compare our insides with other peoples outsides and I 4hinj that's true. You've got a lot going on and you're seeing all that is "wrong" with you but the best part of others.

I might have noticed (because being observant is a habit, and developed in my job) but I wouldn't have noticed or thought it was drugs. Not least because if it was you most likely wouldn't have taken your cardigan off would you. People probably didn't engage/sit By you because you were on the phone. Perhaps next week You could go again and sit with a group/introduce yourself to one person?

Big hug, and well done for going and getting out.

I’ve googled so much I can’t woek out what it could be even the gp can’t work it out it’s reallt getting me down and I feel must be stress related ?

Almond oil,is a great multitasker and cheap as chips,Superdrug or Boots
Cleanser,make up removal with flannel and hot water
Hair conditioner, apply warm almond oil to clean damp hair,wrap hair in towel
Few drops in foundation to make it dewy

You poor girl. I remember feeling self conscious in groups at one time too though never went to toddler groups, don't think there were any.. I doubt anyone really took any notice of me really but I felt as though I would somehow be judged and found wanting.

Please pamper yourself a bit, you're worth it and if things don't improve, do seek medical advice. I hope you are not on your own, that you have some support and can have a break occasionally.

Don't let this experience stop you from going again. Next time take a moment to have some breaths and look around the room to centre yourself. A smile to people always helps. You can prepare yourself with a hair wash the night before and I'm not saying you need to cover yourself but it will be cold soon don't you worry about that!

Don't rerun it in your head. I can play things over but really it's a new day tomorrow. I know how horrible it is for anxiety from something to continue but you really did well.

I think you need to go back to GP and ask him to refer you to a dermatologist for the sores on your arms. It sounds painful and must be infected if weepy. Could you put Savlon on them until you get them seen to properly? Just to see if that helps soothe and/or heal them?

I look terrible half the time, spots, getting temples, tired skin. I don't have PND, just a toddler who doesn't believe in sleep and I don't have time for a shower every day. I don't always notice other people much if I'm tired myself, and if I saw someone looking awful I'd probably be more concerned for them than anything. If the child looks reasonably well cared for then I don't think anyone would be worrying about your parenting as such. Saying that, my son often manages to get crumbs down his top on the way out, and rarely lets me cut his nails or brush his hair, so he's often a little scruffbag (like me!) when we get to our destination...

I would definitely encourage you to get out somewhere (anywhere!) every day. If I don't get out my toddler goes barmy with unreleased energy and I feel like I'm going round in circles with the housework etc. Fresh air, exercise and sunlight are the best mood-enhancers ever and might improve your skin as a bonus!

Good luck with everything, it sounds like you're having a tough time but people will be more sympathetic than you realise.

Other people who might be good for advice or help are your local children's centre and health visitors. Or just turn up at the playground and start a chat with the person pushing the swing next to you, eg "Isn't she sweet! I love her little hat!"

Also, get a few thin tops with long sleeves for the time being, until your arms get sorted out. Primark was selling lots a few weeks ago at £10-£20 each. Or look in charity shops if money is tight. Just to help you feel less self-conscious.

Big hugs

In my first message when it appeared you were talking about a third person, I asked if you could befriend her. My advice stands now I know it’s you, yourself. Please be kind and gentle to yourself just as you would be if you were well and came across someone as lost as you are now.

Don’t give up. Try going again and make a huge effort to smile and engage.

Do you have supportive family? Friends from pre-baby days who would be able to find time to listen to you if you ask for help?

I got some long sleeve t shirts in Primark the other day, £3.5
White & Lots of good colours too good alone or as a base layer
Take care of yourself and see the GP,you’re doing great - honestly

Oh love it's ok. You don't have to justify your appearance to them but you need to do it for you. Concentrate on what you can change now. Try a new shampoo, when I did my training we were told to not be loyal to a brand as its good to change. Put some concealer on and whatever else makes you happy, for me it's lipstick :)

Wear something you are comfortable in, not what you think you should be wearing. I lived in pyjamas for a year after having dd and only changed to go out after a shower.
See a doctor over your medical problems and start the ball rolling on that.

Is money an issue? If not then please treat yourself to something, anything that will cheer you up. I love buying perfume, always makes me feel brilliant.

Back to you, I mean this when I say that I wouldn't want to be friends with people who looked down at me, you will meet new friends soon enough and they will like you for you, not based on what you look like and I think the changes you need should be just for your own self esteem.

I've had pnd with my ds, 15 years ago and it's so easy to neglect ourselves isn't it? Take back a little bit of control and start with baby steps, you absolutely will feel better in time.
Baby groups by their nature can be quite judgey. It's human nature. Many people will probably have been worrying about their own appearances but I totally undestand why you posted.

You are important. Remember that!
You have been brave to post and I think you start feeling better soon

Hope you start feeling better soon I meant

Please be kind to yourself, it’s a tough tough time and toddler groups can be vicious at the best of times. I can remember sitting at one holding back the tears because it was so cliquey. I felt so alone.

Take small steps, even if it’s just wash your hair.
For what it’s worth I wouldn’t have judged, but I was so hanging at toddler groups that I gravitated towards people who looked a bit bouncy and bright incase some of it could rub off on me!

Could you look at your nutrition For your skin?Veg juices can have a massive impact on spots and sores, innocent do them in supermarkets. And lots of water. Sorry if I sound preachy, it’s what helped me.
Hoping you feel better soon x