Would this make you wary of someone ?

[HinglyBrowJangld]

Would you be wary/worried about a mother who displayed the following
-exhausted looking
-badly picked sore looking nails
-sores on arms
-no effort made with appearance/hair v v greasy
-spots
-too hot/visibly sweaty when the room wasn’t hot
-constantly checking phone during a toddler group

What would you think? It’s not me being judgy by the way I’m just wondering how all the above would appear to others

Hingly just be proud of what you and DC have done today. Did your Dc enjoy the group? If so, job done.

Dry shampoo is ace! I totally agree

Go to GP discuss your health,get treatment for the weeping sores

It is okay to occasionally look like a sack of shite,you’re not obliged to be glowy all the time
But self care,grooming will make you feel better,look good and feel good and be confident

Oh gosh yes, we’ll done for going! I went to my first this week and hated it, so bravo for sticking it out! —I almost cried on the way home—

I just want to make some friends and feel better. But now I feel worse I shouldn’t have gone in such a state. Everyone else looked clean (I am clean but I think the greasy hair/spots/skin problems etc makes me look unkempt/grubby) I just have been stuck in and have lost track of proper self care I think
I’m crying now and I don’t even know why. I just feel so disgusting

Please be kinder to yourself,small steps and you’ll get there
If mornings too fraught shower at night,apply spot cream,leave in conditioner for hair
Clean simple clothes,tshirt jeans,trainers/converse that’s put together ok

May I ask how old your DC are? :)

Thankyou for being so kind
My confidence is just so low. Being depressed has made me so run down and it’s really showing I can’t hide it. I’ve spent all day worrying what everyone thought of me and I was sure they think I was probably on drugs or that I had something catching and didnt want to be near me. To be fair it does look that bad I wish the gp could find out what it is but nothing’s working

8 months old

Are you receiving treatment and/or support for the PND?

Ive been seeing the gp because of my physical health mostly. I’ve had a lot of problems due to being run down and unhappy/not eating properly. Infections and now this skin issue I’ve been on antibiotics a lot.
A referral has been done for the pnd I haven’t seen anyone yet.

They advised trying to get out. Which I did and now feel worse 😔

8 MONTHS?? OP, your baby is tiny!! Of course you’re still adjusting :) You’ve got to tell that mean little voice in your head (I have one that regularly criticises my C section scar and bulge...) to shut the hell up, and be proud that you left the house (clean! Not everyone manages that, even if they look it...) and did something nice for your little one today. One day at a time! :)

But you know what it’s early days and the biggest hurdle is self doubt
So sort out the grooming,that’ll make you feel better.more confident
At the group take a prop like biscuits to ease into a convo, offer them round
Hi I’m Hingly,would you like a jammie dodger,whats your child called..

Take small steps,set achievable goals
Self care
Attending group , stay for duration
Getting our for walk with pram daily

Try getting out tomorrow OP, may be just to the park, somewhere where you can just enjoy time and Dc. Is there a duck pond nearby to feed the ducks or a bus ride?

Give yourself a break OP honestly you sound like your going through a lot aswell as illness! 10 outa 10 for even going the toddler group! Just. Take some time for yourself tomorrow when little one is napping, run a hot bath wash your hair ect and pamper yourself, fuck things that need to be done just rest and relax!

Your baby is 8 months old sweetheart. Not that many people look at their best with a small baby!

Keep trying. Try to speak to a few people next time. Look for the chatterbox and talk to her, she’ll chat away and you won’t have to say too much.

Try to take a little bit of time for yourself if you can. You will feel better with washed hair, a little bit if make up jewellery etc (if you like that sort of thing)

But even if you can’t manage it keep going. There will be others there who feel just like you even if you can’t tell to start with.

I just look at myself and think how dreadful I look. You can literally see the physical manifestation of what’s going on with my mental health. I feel like the stress has made my body turn on itself and nothing’s healing the sores are festering I wish I hadnt had to take my cardigan off.
I need them to go it’s the fact they seem to bruise as well it’s awful

Do you have Superdrug or boots, buy a wee thing just for you
What’s your support network like?mates?partner?family?

what does "exhausted looking" even mean?

If someone has their eyes closed, or is nodding off, I'd think they were very tired, but the idea that there is an "exhausted looking" is a but of a poetic myth, in my opinion

I think you did well to get to a group. I mean sincerely x

Oh OP, you're being so harsh on yourself when there really isn't any need to be. I was you once and I understand how you must be feeling right now, people probably would've noticed you but I doubt they were judging, more likely they're thinking "poor cow, looks exhausted" if I was at your group and saw you, I would've definitely come over and chatted to you! I hate to see anyone looking lonely.
When your baby is settled for the night, why not have a pamper session, a hot bath or shower, Hot Chocolate, face mask, moisturiser all over except for your arms until you know what it is, paint your nails, style your hair etc...
If you can, in the mornings, put your baby in his/her cot or play pen while you allow 10-20 minutes to do your hair, make up, or whatever you fancy to feel good about yourself.
You deserve to feel good and feel co fident and there's no harm in taking 10 - 20 mins everyday to do so. You're not just a parent, you are also you too.

Wary? As on “would avoid”?

The thing is, whilst I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think, it does sound like you’re right - your body is affected by your mental health. Everyone’s is.

The best thing you can do is try to relax, try to get the help you need (can you or a family member help to hassle your GP about the referral? Speed things up?), and focus on self care- getting out for a little walk, finding a few minutes to wash your hair, eat a piece of fruit.

The outside, of everyone, is less important than what’s going on inside.

Ok,small steps deal with what is achievable
Hair,spots,grooming start with that
The arms,that’ll take longer but it’s a dermatological condition.nothing more
Diet, do eat well. Egg is simple and quick,packed with protein
Cereal and milk, soups,build up to easy quick nutritious food