Sneezed and farted

[MonoClue]

So, as the title says.
I don’t have to be anywhere today so got up and made my first coffee of the day. It’s got that first chill of autumn here so I decided to take my coffee back to bed and enjoy that lovely snuggly feeling of a duvet and MN lie in.
I got back into bed and got comfy; it was blissful!
Anyway I had a sneezing fit, one of those that you seem to be constantly sneezing. Annoying as hell.
But every time I sneezed I let out a short but violent fart, and because of the way I was lay in bed they rattled up if you know what I mean. (It was weirdly pleasant )
So of course being a grown up I got the giggles. Between sneezing, farting and giggling like a mad woman I had tears rolling down my face and all I could think was “I snapped and farted”.
My DD came in to check on me because I woke her due to the prolonged sneezing, stood watching me then shook her head and walked away rolling her eyes.
By this time I was a sneezing, snotty, farting, giggly mess who also desperately needed to pee.
Please tell me I’m not the only one. I keep thinking about it now and start giggling again whilst my DD just shakes her head sadly and murmurs about nursing homes.

Andy Anus is my new favourite person 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Love this thread laughing so hard I'm rocking the bed trying to not wake DH giggling.

Back in the old days when I was religious I was in church bent down to pick up my bible in bible study class and let out a ripper. Was laughing so hard I nearly wet myself and had to walk out in shame.

My favourite farting moment was at a yoga class. Someone (not me) let out a very loud fart at a quiet moment, and yoga teacher responded immediately by shouting “steady on!” and the entire class dissolved into laughter.

It’s not half as funny written down but I can assure you it was hysterical!

My late DM - God rest her soul - didn't fart. She quacked. Growing up, it sounded like there was a giant duck about the house. And of course we could never mention it. Ever.

Nearly as funny as 'snapped and farted'!

BlackBelt I am nearly crying with laughter at your description of your late DM. 'It sounded like there was a giant duck about the house'.

I did that all the time when I was pregnant with DS2. I had stress farting.

When DD was in nursery class her friend wouldn't sit next to her because her farts were too smelly. That's my girl!

2 great new words! 'snarted' and 'garted'.

Am awake, stressed out because I know it’s going to be a hard day today but also, mostly thanks to Colins, laughing at the same time 😊.

Bloody hilarious!!! I remember once not long after I'd given birth, DH and I were sitting on the sofa. He had a bit of a dodgy stomach and farted but realized that it wasn't going to be a fart and had a look of horror on his face and shot up like you wouldn't believe to go to the toilet. I found it hilarious and laughed so much that I actually weed my pants on the sofa. Between the two of us, it was not at all pretty. Funny though.

One time a few of us were at a friend's house. We were all hanging out in one room and one of them bent down to get something out of her bag next to where I was standing and without warning I farted in her face. My arse quite literally screamed at her.

Fortunately she saw the funny side of it but we did have to hire a priest.

And there was the time I inhaled DH's fart. Not to be recommended.

So funny.

I haven't any funny fart stories other than blaming my husband in B&Q once when it was me. I was convincing. He just stood there going red. I bought him a burger-van burger afterwards to make up for it.

I have dreadful hiccups and they make me laugh. The chickens next door, quiet up until then must have heard me and started up an awful cacophony of squawking... I must sound like a chook.

Brilliant

I once went into the work toilets, desperate to wee, and a senior manager came in directly behind me.

I went into the cubicle and got stage fright.

She was obviously doing her make-up or something, so I sat there trying and trying to pee for ages, and in the end I tried so hard that I just did a huge fart instead. And still couldn't wee.

I had to wait until she'd left (about another 5 minutes) before I dared come out.

I remember years ago (I was 12 and my siblings were a bit younger) my mum had an appointment with someone. A nice man pointed out an empty open office we could wait in as she would be ages. We were sat there in a partitioned off area on some sofas. We could hear someone rushing down the corridor and into the room we were in. They stood there and let out 3 or 4 really explosive farts. We were sat there stunned into silence with our sleeves stuffed into our mouths to stop laughing. Just then my mum appeared at the door and shouted us. When we emerged from behind the screen we were met with a very red faced and clearly horrified woman. As soon as my little brother saw her he started laughing hysterically. My mum had no idea what was going on and had to pick him up to take him to the car. The woman just stood there and watched us leave. I once snarted at school in a quiet classroom. I could have died of shame. Found it funny when it was someone else though.

I was lying next to dh. Dd2 was 3 days old and lying next to us in her crib. Maybe it was an after birth thing but I could barely go 5 minutes without parping. I held in.a sneeze and let out the loudest fart ever. It sounded like a duck quacking. Dh growled at me "I swear to god if she wakes up..." followed by dd letting out a cry. He was not happy.

I must have blocked this from my memory
Just rememberd after having dd i had really bad trapped wind it didnt help that dd was born though emc so the wind was putting pressure on my wound.
I had to ask the nurses for some peppermint water and bloody hell does it work! Dp was helping me shower so i asked him to hold me whilst i squatted. I had the longest loudest wetest fart then just looked up at his horrified face and said "i did warn you id be gross"

our lovely 9 year old ddog is genuinely puzzled by her own farts. She often lets out a loud fart as she jumps up onto the sofa. But then spins around and around frantically trying to see where the noise came from!!

DS3 does lots of "trumpies". He's 2. They are so loud for such a small person.

I'm crying 😂😂😂 @ColinsVeryJolly my OH woke me up once with the foulest smell I've ever smelt. Always worse when it wafts up from under the duvet!!!
And @MonoClue fanny ripples 😂 what a perfect description. Funniest thread!!
Can't believe I've not woke OH up with all my shaking (suppressed laughter) hope I don't parp! 💨💨💨

At home we refer to mine as "the duck", as in "ooh the duck is here". And I always think of the "I snapped and farted" quote. No idea what she was posting about but I always picture a woman at ease, so confident in her fart that she snaps her fingers and performs a confident head move with it.

Now I have an image of the bend and snap.
Except.
When she snaps up there’s an accompanying little prrrtt

A very long time ago I was with an ex boyfriend who was living in a shared house. He had an en-suite room and I kid you not it was not a proper bathroom. There was a shower cubicle to the left of the window and a toilet cubicle to the right, with a shower curtain for a door...

I was there for the weekend and couldn’t pooh as there was no privacy and I could never tell if the main bathroom was empty. Anyway I got seriously bad tummy ache and whilst he was sleeping I crept into the toilet cubicle and decided to try for a dump. Well, the biggest fart escaped and it went on for ages. I tried stopping it to see if it would quieten down, but no, it was still there. After what seemed like 60 seconds of farting it was deathly quiet and I was so proud I had gotten away with that. The he stares laughing! I just jumped into bed and hid hoping I’d disappear.

I’m sure his housemates heard too as it bellowed 😬🤣