Sneezed and farted

[MonoClue]

So, as the title says.
I don’t have to be anywhere today so got up and made my first coffee of the day. It’s got that first chill of autumn here so I decided to take my coffee back to bed and enjoy that lovely snuggly feeling of a duvet and MN lie in.
I got back into bed and got comfy; it was blissful!
Anyway I had a sneezing fit, one of those that you seem to be constantly sneezing. Annoying as hell.
But every time I sneezed I let out a short but violent fart, and because of the way I was lay in bed they rattled up if you know what I mean. (It was weirdly pleasant )
So of course being a grown up I got the giggles. Between sneezing, farting and giggling like a mad woman I had tears rolling down my face and all I could think was “I snapped and farted”.
My DD came in to check on me because I woke her due to the prolonged sneezing, stood watching me then shook her head and walked away rolling her eyes.
By this time I was a sneezing, snotty, farting, giggly mess who also desperately needed to pee.
Please tell me I’m not the only one. I keep thinking about it now and start giggling again whilst my DD just shakes her head sadly and murmurs about nursing homes.

😂😂😂 my 8 yr old DD lets out the occasional 'SNART'. We laugh about it and she finds it funny too although now she understands how rude it can be, does seem to feel embarrassed when caught out.

I really needed this thread today, have laughed til I ache, love MN

Oh my god OP. Sounds great. 😂

I had a fart attack walking downstairs last night and every step resulted in an aggressive phrrrat. I'm surprised the neighbours didn't put a note through my door asking me not to have trombone practice so late at night.

We did an ‘antiques roadshow’ spoof once, dad and I and mum and sis split into pairs and went off to buy the best bargain for £20 at an antiques fair
Dad and I found a butlers sink. I went and got the car, parked. Got out and opened the boot.
He picked up the sink and let out the most enourmous fart. I’m shaking laughing even now

I was totally incoherent for bloody ages

Poor bloke

😂 I'm absolutely crying laughing at this, good job I'm not wearing any makeup! DS just wombled in to check if mummy is ok 😂
DS thinks farts are hilarious (he's 2), as does DP (46) and the pair of them will giggle away which sets me off too. DP has taught DS to pull his finger to make him fart I try to look disapproving but it's too funny

I once worked in a shop that had a cellar.
I was working down there one day and had really painful wind. So I decided to let loose. After all there was only me down there. Oh the blessed relief. It went on for ages and there was a definite eau de sprout
Of course my work colleague chose that moment to come to ask me something frightfully important.
She got half way down and stopped in her tracks and asked if I had farted. I had no choice so looked her dead in the eye and said “Yes. Yes I did”.
And I realise I’ve probably just outed myself to all my old work colleagues

Absolutely brilliant MonoClue 😂😂 did she find it funny?

Absolutely brilliant MonoClue 😂😂 did she find it funny?

I have literal tears of laughter running down my face

I was in first class on a train when I was sick in my mouth, as I got up to find the nearest loo I farted, then was sick again ( kept it in mouth), then farted, then barfed, farted my way up the carriage.

Luckily the loo was empty and was not one of those electric doors. And clean!

Walk of shame had a whole new meaning when I went back to my seat.....

When I was a teen, my family and I were at a table in the cafe of a tourist attraction. It was a big room, and the chairs were wooden.

My DF has always been prone to loud farts, and on this occasion outdid himself with a humungous fart, that seemed to increase in volume as it echoed through the wooden chair then the room.

DF still wets himself at the memory of the rest of us slinking down in our chairs and then rushing out the room as quickly as we could. I remember getting outside and then just absolutely corpsing with laughter.

We still laugh at farts

Why's it so funny!! 😂

Malibucyprus she cried laughing.
She was more shocked that I owned it. Then she was quite impressed by the fact I’d managed to fumigate the whole cellar. She’d always thought I was a bit posh before that. We ended up good friends bonding over spectacular farts we’d encountered

I garted yesterday. (Gagged and farted) I was brushing my teeth and decided to give my tongue an extra long scrub with the toothbrush because I'd had garlic the night before.
Started gagging and then farted loudly at the same time. I nearly choked to death because I was giggling so much.
Had to re-apply my mascara afterwards

I once woke up at 3am to the most horrendous smell in our bedroom, because I was half asleep I couldn’t comprehend what it was so woke in shock and shouted to DH ‘what’s the smell? What’s happening?!’

He replied ‘you, you smelly bastard, you’ve kept me awake with your stench all night!’

I’m rather famous for my stinky farts but even I was shocked that I could wake myself up with it.

I took on an assistant to help me with the business and on the first day, took her out with me as I popped into a client’s house. I was trying to be very professional and explain about the privacy of clients and respecting their homes, if they’re not there, bla bla bla.

She waited in the van and as I walked back, from the house, I could feel the grumbles. I knew I couldn’t possibly pass wind in the van, and embarrass myself in front of the new staff, so decided to let it quietly slip out, on the way back to the van. It was like a fucking TROMBONE! Once it started, it wouldn’t stop! It probably only lasted a second, but it felt like the longest fart ever! I got into the van, looked at her, she looked at me, and we just melted. She still likes to remind me of the fact that the road was so quiet and empty, it almost echoed! Such a professional approach on her first day.

Oh god I've got to stop laughing, I keep waking up my husband and it's quarter to two.

I'm at all of you who can laugh/ cough/ sneeze/ vomit and fart without wetting yourself! 38 weeks tomorrow and pray for the best every time I sneeze...

That said, when I was about 9 weeks I was feeling dreadful with food aversions and nausea. MIL was visiting and I excused myself after dinner. Went upstairs and let out a really loud, long fart. Blessed relief! Turns out the walls in our house are thinner than I realised MIL was sympathetic to my pregnant plight, DH was rather horrified though

Since you were in bed, I have to ask. Did you pull the covers back and let it escape or did you "sit and stew in it" as DH would say? Vital information!

I remember that “snapped and farted” thread can’t even remember what it was about only that phrase

@mammmamia wasn't it so funny 😂😭😭 I don't even remember what it was about, just that the OP wanted advice 😂😂

This thread is bloody brilliant!!

I don't fart in front of DH, but, one of the first nights out we ever had together years ago, I got stupidly drunk, apparently I was vomiting and farting at the same time 😂😂 he won't ever let me live it down 🤭

I have a cough and can’t sleep because of it. But I am farting violently every time I cough. I want to sleep but no chance!

Try working in an open plan office and needing to fart.

I cannot squeeze my arse together anymore! It's too much!