Why do people not "get" the term 'Performance Parenting'?

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every so often a thread will appear about performance Parenting, and you ALWAYS get user WILFULLY misinterpreting the meaning.

So, let's say I posted:
I was at the park today and a Father was PPing talking very loudly in a carrying voice to his boy. "OH HENRY!! Look at that! What animal is that? a Dog? can you say dog?"
The child glances over and says "dog"
father replies "Yes DARLING. A Doooog. a doggy dog. He says woof woof. You're so clever"
And the father then proceeds to look around for approval about how very clever his child is and what a fabulous father he is.

It's clear "performance parenting" (and it's fucking annoying)

So, when people post these kind of scenarios, the issue is not the parent talking to the child. But the issue is, the parent making a "performance" of speaking to the child. Looking for approval, knowing smiles, admiring looks and the like.

However...you will always get a stream of posters going:
"Well, I don' see the problem in talking to your child.. jeez OP, I pity you"

"The father was only teaching his child about the dog. Should we all sit in silence and never speak to our children in public?"

"I do this all the time and I'm not PP. I just love my child more than you do"

"uh, it's called Parenting. I teach my child things all the time"

I don't get how so many MNers can't differentiate between parenting and Performance Parenting.

Performance parenting is all about the parent showing off, not the child.

I was in the GP waiting room listening to a mother reading out loud from a Harry Potter book to her child. So what, I hear you ask .....the child was in a pushchair and looked about 3, maybe 4, and was much more interested in picking its nose and eating it.

It's quite common to see PP taking place once you are aware of it. I think it's hilarious!

PadPrascha there are show-offs in all walks of life but it is women who bear the brunt of the judgement. It's always women - and it's always BY women, which is pretty shit really.

Everybody seeks attention and validation - the OP is doing the exact same thing, wanting to find a 'tribe' to join in with her nasty comments. I'm happy not to oblige.

It's easy to walk away/get away from performance people (in general). I can't think why somebody starts a thread about them because, as always, they sweep up people (usually other mothers) who have their reasons and stupid people on this thread keep bleating on about them being attention-seeking and needing validation from others. I've seen loud parents and some are wanting validation that they're 'doing it right' (not better, just right) - and others are fearfully looking around hoping that people aren't looking at them. Do you know which is which? Bollocks you do.

You keep saying that I'm angry; I'm not but by the same token, I'm not gong to be shut down by the likes of you. You and I will never see eye to eye on this, it was the same on the other thread. So, if it's a question of them and us, I'm on the opposite side to you and I'm glad to be. I don't understand the point of people who have nothing but bile to share.

Yet another nasty thread and I'm glad I'm not on my own in my disgust of it.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict so of course you asked that mum to keep it down a bit whilst you were entertaining your own child, yes? Thought not.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe perhaps the other thread was very specific in who it was singling out, but this one isn’t. You are just determined to be offended by something that is a fact - some parents show off in their ‘parenting’. It’s no different from showing off in other forms, but you’re determined to see anyone who dares point it out on this form as horrible, misogynistic arseholes. Oh yes, it is judgmental - but don’t pretend we all don’t get judgmental when we see behaviour we deem ridiculous in public.

I don’t see it as ‘them and us’, in real life there’s a whole spectrum of people, and usually it’s clear who’s being enthusiastic and who’s just plain showing off. I’m sorry you don’t/can’t pick up on these cues whether you naturally can’t see them, or are so ‘right on’ you have decided to see the best in everyone. If the latter, good for you, well done - you are definitely morally superior to us all.

I don’t keep ‘going on’ about you being angry. However, you’ve bombarded both threads aggressively but without making a very solid point. If you choose to ignore that some people do things purely for attention, so be it, doesn’t make you right though.

My ex’s dp does it with their child. I always feel like she is making a point to me.

Like ‘this is how you actually parent’

She very loudly points things out when we see each other and makes her repeat things or answer questions.

At the summer fete this year, she said to their dd loudly ‘Oh no xx you have spent all your pocket money so you can’t have another 10p we did discuss this and you agreed’

The kid is 4. I said don’t worry I’ll give it to her and gave her a pound.

She gave me daggers.

Later on she handed me a leaflet for art therapy that she got off a stall saying loudly it might be good for my dd.

Did almost say well she wouldn’t need therapy if you hadn’t fucked her father behind my back.

Bitch.

I digress.

I don't get how so many MNers can't differentiate between parenting and Performance Parenting

We can't all be as perceptive as you, op. Perhaps you could draw up a little guide for those of us who aren't as good as you are at recognising when parenting has crossed the line into Performance Parenting. I'm sure it would be very useful.

Show offs 😴

Their choice to perform and bellow, my choice to wander away with no further thought or interest. Life goes on.

LyingWitch, I was on the bus with my four kids. What's your point?

Their choice to perform and bellow, my choice to wander away with no further thought or interest. Life goes on

Oh watch it, it's hilarious.

Performance MNing

• Turning the issue into one of sexism
• Asserting moral superiority by claiming the thread is "nasty" (and so is everyone who doesn't agree with you)
• Thinking you've won the internet by saying things like "Why is this an issue to you? Ignore them and get on with your life"
• Behaving as if a CHAT forum should exist for discussions they personally approve of and nothing else

The winner is......LyingWitch 🏆

LongPinkBanana 👀😂

Oh watch it, it's hilarious

No you're alright 2doubles I'll pass on that one 😁

Sometimes it's not clear though. The kinds of interactions I have with my children would be hardcore pp if they were louder (my children aren't that special, they just have super niche interests). I am always really worried that people will think I am pp so I try to talk as quietly as possible (also because loud people are obnoxious) and sat as little as possible without outright ignoring my children when in public.

But if you’re not deliberately showing off then you’re not a performance parent racecar. You’re just talking with your children about their niche interests, which is fine!

I was at the vet this afternoon with DesertDog and there was a performance dog owner in the waiting room. Her dog was actually not cleverer or more talented than DesertDog but we are more modest. It was very funny as she tried to catch everyone's eyes so we could admire her dog parenting.

Racecardriver

That doesn't sound as if you're PP. You're not smugly looking around or making sure people can hear you. I wouldn't bat an eye at anyone talking, loudly or otherwise with their children, about any subject.

I'm a bit bemused by this thread. I am constantly singing to my son. He has SEN and loves songs, he 'asks' for songs by clapping my hands and saying 'song' so I try to encourage it and ask him to say it again if it isn't clear and praise him when he says it corrrectly. Do I look like I'm performance parenting? Am I annoying? Sometimes people are just trying to teach their children things.