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Original poster

Ds and scars on his face

67 replies

5SleepingLions · 12/09/2018 01:42

My Ds has just started year 1 and today he told me some of his friends have started asking about the scars on his face and he seemed OK about it if not a little quiet.
I am going to talk to his teacher about it tomorrow but I don't know what to say.
He asked me so many questions about them which broke my heart as I wasn't expecting the questions so soon.

OP posts:

AssassinatedBeauty · 12/09/2018 01:44

Does he know why he has them?

You could just ask the teacher to be aware and to keep and eye/ear out for anyone who is being unkind about them. Mention that you're concerned he may get upset about it if he is questioned more by the other children.

Original poster

5SleepingLions · 12/09/2018 01:46

Yes It has never been a secret but I don't think he realised about his scars until today.

OP posts:

AssassinatedBeauty · 12/09/2018 01:52

If he seemed generally OK it may be something that just passes once the children's initial curiosity wears off.

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Original poster

5SleepingLions · 12/09/2018 01:53

I hope so.
I'm the one awake worrying about him whilst he is sleeping soundly.

OP posts:

SemperIdem · 12/09/2018 02:00

Children will ask questions about something they see as being different without it being malicious. I can understand why you are worried by it and how it might impact your son.

Perhaps speaking to the class teacher is the way forward.

Original poster

5SleepingLions · 12/09/2018 02:04

I asked him if they were being mean to him and he said no but then all the questions started about why and what did he do and it just broke my heart as he didn't do anything wrong

OP posts:

Original poster

5SleepingLions · 12/09/2018 02:04

I will definitely speak to his teacher tomorrow or should I say today

OP posts:

elliejjtiny · 12/09/2018 02:11

My son is the same age and also has a scar on his face. He also has scare inside his mouth but you can't see those normally. He hasn't asked questions yet although we have shown him the before and after surgery photos.

elliejjtiny · 12/09/2018 02:12

Scars, not scare.

Original poster

5SleepingLions · 12/09/2018 02:18

It's hard isn't it.
Unfortunately my son has quite a few scars on his face and his body and if it had just been a normal accident or illness I think I wouldnt find it so hard.
Its the scar by his eye that children are noticing as his eye is pulled down in one corner.
The plastic surgeons have done a fantastic job but the scars are there.

OP posts:

Witchend · 12/09/2018 05:14

If he is matter of fact about it then it helps. In his case he can sing say he has an operation when he was little.
My D's was born without a hand, and gets asked frequently about it. She hates going back to school in September because the new people always want to ask about it.
I would say children will ask, and will continue to ask, so give him the tools to deal with it, don't let him think you find it a big thing

newdaylight · 12/09/2018 05:22

Obviously I don't know the full story but my initial view is that having it as a 'secret and him not having even realised he has scars is quite an unhealthy dynamic.

The sooner he can fully accept himself as he is rather than you trying to hide it for him, the easier it will be for him to be confident about who he is with peers. It seems to me he is being encouraged to be ashamed at the moment

You can talk to the teacher if you want but they won't be able to change other children's curiosity and the playground conversations, so better work on your child's resilience and ability to take pride in himself for who he is and his story

Aridane · 12/09/2018 05:52

It sounds as if you are more upset than DS.

adreamofspring · 12/09/2018 07:14

It is so hard. Whatever the circumstances around him developing these scars, the best thing you can do for him is give him the tools/stock phrases to use to respond to curious children. A basic story that he understands and is comfortable with.

I know this is not your issue but my cousin's kid had a cleft lip and found this website useful for joe to handle all sorts of situations with it.

www.clapa.com/treatment/school-years-5-12/at-school/

Oh, and by all means do have a word with the teacher so that they can be on the look out for anything that goes beyond the curiosity of 5 year olds into something mean.

adreamofspring · 12/09/2018 07:15

*for her. Not 'for joe'

Holidayshopping · 12/09/2018 07:20

Talk to him and decide what he wants to say to other people.

My DS had severe eczema as a younger child and had to stand up for himself a few times in KS1 and tell them what it was when kids were saying it was ‘disgusting’.

strawberrypenguin · 12/09/2018 07:22

It is tricky. Kids are naturally curious and won't have meant anything by it (assuming he's just started reception). I'm a bit surprised he wasn't more aware of them before now, maybe it would have been better if he was but hindsight is a wonderful thing.

My DS has scars from several operations, he's always known where they are and why he has them. We've always talked about them as a good thing and something that makes him 'special' a bit like a superhero. We don't mention them a lot now as we don't need to (he's nearly 7)

GinIsIn · 12/09/2018 07:25

The other children aren’t in the wrong for asking or being curious - it’s a bit surprising you didn’t prepare him at all for people asking. Teach him to be very matter of fact about it and then the curiosity will die off quite quickly.

One of my younger brothers has a huge scar on his face (tricycle vs driveway), but my parents always talked to him about it and by the time he got to school he felt “I tried to stand on a tricycle going down a steep driveway” was a bit dull and had started telling everyone he was a pirate....

Aprilshowersnowastorm · 12/09/2018 07:26

My ds has a scar. Always told his friends he was bitten by a shark rescuing his little brother.

newdaylight · 12/09/2018 07:31

I've just realised I read OPs second post wrong...i.thought you said "he has always had a secret" but it was it's never been a secret.
Im sorry. Makes my previous post quite silly

Original poster

5SleepingLions · 12/09/2018 07:51

I do find it quite hard because he was mauled by a dog at 14 months old and it took me a while to see my beautiful babies face destroyed and accept it.
As it is he has healed brilliantly and his scars were just part of him and it just didn't come up in conversation.
And no he said the children weren't mean and he has been with them since nursery its just the first time it's come up.

OP posts:

ragged · 12/09/2018 08:30

Better than my 10yo DS. Has scars from picking at every scab he ever had on his body including on face. Plus I spotted a pimple on him the other day so I reckon his acne will be terrible & scarring (like me + 2 of his siblings).

At least yours has an interesting story, not his fault or something that sounds like it could be contagious.

SleepingStandingUp · 12/09/2018 08:36

At this age kids will ask because they actually start looking at each other. It's part of their curiosity and to them is like asking why you wear glasses or have ginger hair.
If you can teach your son to answer succinctly and confidently, they'll stop asking. Same answer every time so there's no new info to be gleaned. I got bit by a dog when I was little but I don't remember it. Every time.
I'm actually surprised no adults have asked before now because people are fricking nosey and insensitive so the same applies to adults of they start to ask as he gets older.
Or a simplification - he had an accident when he was little, but he's all healed now.

SleepingStandingUp · 12/09/2018 08:37

At least yours has an interesting story

Seriously? At least being mauled by a dog is better than picking at his usual childhood scabs???

enbh · 12/09/2018 08:58

Have a bit of pathy @rabid it's not the same as picking a scan at all.

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