Work Life balance tips

[GirlFliesHome]

Just that really. After yet another weekend spent doing life admin and feeling like I have failed at literally everything - motherhood, work, family, wife..... I'd be grateful for tips about what to do to make life easier. We both work full time, but my commute is less so I leave the house at 7.30,drop the kids off at breakfast club and in the office by 8.45. I leave at 5.15, home by 6.30. I make a quick dinner, barely have time for homework, bathtime and reading. I collapse around 8 pm. Up at 5.30 am to tidy and sort lunches etc. I just feel like I am doing everything badly. I booked today off as I had a GP appointment and thought I would be able to just chill out, but I find I am MNetting and trying to catch up on the laundry.

I need tips. Your top tips. :)

Let your DH take responsibility for the dog, he can decompress whilst walking it, picking up the poo or booking the vet or groomer. Takes some of your mental load.
Do a local exercise class, like yoga or Pilates, which is enjoyable in I the evenings, and join a book club. Don’t be a martyr .

I think the main tip is don't work full time if you can afford it.

My kids are adults now ( youngest just gone to University) and I still only work part time.
Tomorrow I will be at the gym for 9am, some shopping, a small amount of housework, work for perhaps 3-4 hours, walk in the woods and cook Thai for tea.

Not sure if you've said what your childcare arrangement is but this is what works for us:

•Nanny/housekeeper. Not as grand as it sounds, but we started using a nanny when we both worked full time with travel. She starts work 1-1.5 hours before the kids need picking up and does some small but useful chores - short dog walk, top up shop, unload dishwasher, turn over washing, tidy up etc. Once a week she spends a bit more time cleaning, or we get a 3hr cleaner in once a fortnight. This is our lifesaver, we're doomed without her.

• Shortened our commutes. Partly accidentally, but I now work from home most of the time, DH has shortened his commute from 1.5 hours to 15 mins. He's not actually home any earlier most days but that's ok because his career is moving forwards. It also makes a huge difference on days when you have an electrician coming or a delivery or a vets appointment.

• Page per day diary in kitchen. This is primarily for the nanny to see what the kids are doing when, but it means we can all keep tabs day by day.

• Don't iron. Ever.

•Amazon. Prime obviously, for stationary and birthday presents and stuff you didn't know you needed to buy.
But my favourite new thing is using Subscribe & SAve/Pantry for all the stuff you forget to buy - loo roll and dishwasher tablets and shampoo and tampons and fabric conditioner. They might be occasoinally more expensive than buying them on offer, but it's always cheaper than buying them from a corner shop when you've run out again.

• Plan lots of fun stuff. DH and I make our lives a lot harder than we need to (going from camping to home for 4 hours to unpack then repack to go on a mini break this summer!) but there's no point working this hard if you don't make the most of it. The kids know that the boring stuff has to happen, and the faster we do it the more fun adventures we get to do. If it's in the diary we will make it happen somehow, even if that means a fair bit of life admin happens at 1am.

I diverge slightly from others when I say that I think you’re trying to have too much - a full time job with a long commute, clean house, homemade meals, children with activities and supporting your husband. That is too much for one person to handle. All the efficiency tips in the world won’t really help the fact that it seems like you have too much on your plate. Life is too short to just race on this treadmill - when is the time to really enjoy your family or grow as a person yourself? So my suggestion is to lower your standards, to ringfence proper time for what you value (read books, exercise, doing something with your kids), make sure you get enough sleep and evaluate what your priorities are, whether you need to work so many hours or commute so long etc. I say this with a lot of empathy as I struggle massively with this too.

I'm a single parent have been for years and have demanding job.
I have a cleaner ,only last year or so fantastic makes such a difference. Also have someone to cut the grass.
I put a load of washing on everyday, wipe down kitchen,buy everything of the internet.
Have school uniform for the whole week. My kids are teens so one has jobs before school like loading dishwasher ,tidying kitchen and the other does jobs after school.
For me ,all my kids clubs ,school are within walking distance ,so they take themselves.
I use a slow cooker and quick meals,Friday is pizza day.
I have 2 chalkboard s in the kitchen one for week overview and one for daily stuff .
I don't iron ,we share socks all the same and black. I buy cards in bulk from amazon.
I take out cash so I always have money in the house,teens lunches,guitar lessons etc.
I try and deal with admin asap. Lots of reminders on my phone
Having said all of this, sometimes I just say nah I'm not going to do anything this evening,not often but there is a certain peace in knowing you'll never get it all done,but we are OK.

No kids here, but we both work full time. We each have set tasks round the house, and cooking is split fairly equally. It probably sounds daft, but I like to do a cleaning blitz on a Friday after work - I finish at 3.30 on a Friday so am home earlier than usual - so we go into the weekend with everything clean and tidy.

We do a meal plan every Sunday (we have a blackboard from Amazon with the days on it) and pick easy meals on days when we know both of us will be knackered. I always double cook things like chilli so one goes in the freezer, and we have a takeaway or something like M&S dine-in at least two Fridays a month. I know it’s not done on MN, but I am happy to use jars of sauce or microwave rice, and we often have a shop-bought quiche with baked potatoes and salad. We have a standard online shop which gets added to depending on the meal plan.

I do iron, but tend to do it straight from the dryer, so nothing sits about. Dishwasher goes on in the morning so it can be emptied after work.

I still would really like a cleaner.

You need more cleaner.
2 hrs a fortnight not enough.
Set stuff up so it happens automatically. I had ocado set up to deliver every monday with basics. I would keep a list and just add to it on a friday night.
Amazon prime is your best friend. Kid comes home and says we are doing greeks at school, pop on that moment and order a costume.
Have all parcels delivered to work.
Once kids are at school, they have school dinners.
When you do your online shop include one of those dine in for 10 quid for friday night.
In our house critical things that stop us getting out the door are socks, shoes and feckin hair brushes.

Hi @girlflies home

Some great suggestions above. Havent seen it mentioned above but online shopping you can have an open basket and add things as you note you need them rather than writing them down then adding to the shop which is double jobbing.

I felt very like you the thing that made life easier (hope this doesnt sound wanky) was giving up sugar.

A total side effect of trying to lose weight.

I started sleeping better my head is clearer i do things rather than writing them on a list of things i need to do. Have more energy and i feel i have so much more energy.

We have a cleaner for deep cleaning once a week for 5 hours that is a necessity not a luxury when both working.

We have an aga with a timer this is also a big help as it can be programmed to cook at a time so roast dinners dont involve staying in to cook.

The Mumsnet never go up or downstairs with an empty hand and take everything out of a room when it souldnt be there also make things easier to keep on top of.

Wash and dry swim/PE bags on the day they come home and repack them immediately so they never need ‘finding or packing”

I have a planning meeting with dh every Saturday morning, we look at the diary for the following week, meal plan and do an online food order. This gets us on the same page, shares the tasks and improves our communication.

Now that dd is a teen, she is involved too and cooks once a week.

I certainly don't spend the whole weekend on life admin. Washing and ironing seems to take a ridiculous amount of time (well the ironing bit and it does need doing, there's no way a lot of things can be worn if they've not been ironed). So if you can afford to outsource that, it's well worth it.

I'm not very house proud, I sweep and hoover the floors regularly but that''s about it.

All the bills are paid by direct debit so I don't need to worry about those.

Most of the time we use online shopping.

I guess having pets adds extra work that we don't have.

Kids do homework, not you. Leave them to it.

We have a window cleaner, not so much because of time but because of equipment.

DH does garden when he can be bothered, I don't do gardening, if I lived on my own I'd have a back yard or live in a flat.

Oh and no TV.
DH broke the aerial of ours in spring and it's just another thing on the to-do list to get it fixed. Actually not having TV all summer has been great - we;ve spent more time outside in the sunshine, eaten more meals at the table, and not spent any evenings binging on box sets because it's so easy to click 'next' and lose another 50 minutes. I might keep it like that.

We lose a lot of time to TV. We are both shattered by the end of the day and so when the DC go up to bed/off to finish homework we tend to eat and collapse. I've now started instead putting something easy like gardeners world on whilst I tidy the kitchen or doing another small household job. Hoping this will make a difference since September is always chaotic for us.

When I was a stay at home mum I often felt pressure from my working friends to “help out”. Picking children up, dropping children off, taking their children to parties, helping with school holiday childcare. I was listed as the emergency person at the childcare centre for a number of children. Sometimes I felt used. While my friends were getting others to do their parenting I was left to do some of the heavy lifting without the recognition from the families and the community.

Not that I really minded as I did it for the children but I never fully felt appreciated. It felt more like “well she doesn’t work”... I think this often the view of stay at home mums.

Do full time working mothers ever stop to consider the unpaid work that other mothers do for THEIR children? The hours spent at the school hearing reading? Preparing for the sports day? The fete? School concerts?The list goes on. Yes we love doing it but it’s still work without the pay check.

I have now returned to the paid workforce. I’m one of the lucky ones. My husband has a well paid position and my qualifications and experience in my profession have secured a well paid position for me.

I’d just like people to really appreciate the role a stay at home mum has in our society. Children are the most important people in society. Our future. The few years I spent at home with my children have contributed to the foundations of their lives.

I diverge slightly from others when I say that I think you’re trying to have too much - a full time job with a long commute, clean house, homemade meals, children with activities and supporting your husband. That is too much for one person to handle. All the efficiency tips in the world won’t really help the fact that it seems like you have too much on your plate. Life is too short to just race on this treadmill - when is the time to really enjoy your family or grow as a person yourself?

I totally agree with this.

I don't think organisational tips will alter the fact that the OP is trying to do too much.
Very little time for fun outside of this gruelling schedule- home at 6.30 and then have to cook?
Presumably homework, then kids to bed.
Up then at 5.30 am to start the whole thing again?

Time for a life review.
Life is short, time slips through our fingers like sand, children grow up quickly.

I would be doing a big reevaluation here.
Do both you and OH need to work full time?

Everyone's situation is different, but how much do you value time?
We don't all have choices and finances are often tight, but full time working is not always the answer.

It may bring you nicer things in life but at what expense?

Changing my cleaner from a fortnightly surface clean to a 6 weekly deep clean changed my life.
I can manage the surface cleaning myself really. It's the dirty windows and dusty skirting boards that I never got round to doing myself, but they get done now.

Sorry not read the whole thread so these have probably already been covered but dp and I both work full time, 2 x kids with many activities so I feel your pain! Here's how we attempt to cope:

Online shopping + meal plan - means no panicking and we spend less. Each week we write a meal plan for the following week and order those ingredients plus anything else we need. Shop arrives on Friday early evening all ready for the weekend and week ahead!

A list of TTD (things to Do!) Is on our worktop most of the time - I put initials next to jobs and dp and I definitely get through more jobs if we do this!

Our ds's now help tons more with jobs- they're 16 and 14 but have been doing things like setting the table and clearing it for years. Now they also do the washing up a few times a week and they help prep meals - chopping the veg - before dp/I get home, which is a massive help! They also Hoover at the weekends and they put the bins out - again, have been doing this for years so regular jobs I think is key and we add one job on each year in September along with a £2 increase in pocket money!

We don't iron anything ever- there's no need! Throw the iron away..!

I'm shameless in using the tumble drier although dp is horrified by this and hangs it out... but if i want to get through all the laundry I'd rather use it and get it all done. We don't sort the washing at all - no need - just chuck it all in together!

Cleaning is scant but doesn't really bother us...! Our luxury is a fortnightly gardener to keep on top of it as it used to be a right mess and was getting me down so that's £20 a fortnight well spent for me.

I agree, it’s too much for one person and that’s why I said even with all the life hacks in the world it can still be exhausting with little time for exercise, socialising etc.

In a similar situation (admittedly health issues forced the change) I stepped off the relentless treadmill. There was no pleasure (or health) for me with a schedule like that.