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Work Life balance tips

93 replies

GirlFliesHome · 10/09/2018 14:36

Just that really. After yet another weekend spent doing life admin and feeling like I have failed at literally everything - motherhood, work, family, wife..... I'd be grateful for tips about what to do to make life easier. We both work full time, but my commute is less so I leave the house at 7.30,drop the kids off at breakfast club and in the office by 8.45. I leave at 5.15, home by 6.30. I make a quick dinner, barely have time for homework, bathtime and reading. I collapse around 8 pm. Up at 5.30 am to tidy and sort lunches etc. I just feel like I am doing everything badly. I booked today off as I had a GP appointment and thought I would be able to just chill out, but I find I am MNetting and trying to catch up on the laundry.

I need tips. Your top tips. :)

OP posts:
7toGo · 10/09/2018 19:06

30 mins of commuting is not the same as 30 mins of sorting the kids and life admin.

Furx · 10/09/2018 19:07

That last post

There’s your problem. Your are doing the whole damn mental load.

Stop protecting DH from it. Otherwise you will end up going off the rails. As pp said, give him 100% responsibly for several tasks. And that means NO thinking on your part. He has to do all the thinking and planning.

And super important you MUST take time for you. Go to a cafe with a book, Mumsnet or a notepad and do some writing. Go for a walk. Go for a nap and sit and Mumsnet. Go for a nice lunch on your own. Go for a bike ride. But get the fuck out of the haouse and be selfish for a couple of hours a week. It isn’t givimg your kids a good life lesson to see one parent martyring themselves. They need to see you demonstrating a healthy balance in life.

CaptSkippy · 10/09/2018 19:16

I always like to remember the following whenever I feel overwhelmed:

"The perfect is the enemy of the good"

We actually need to do we less than we actually try to do and end up feeling stressed out as a result. Doing something is better than aiming for perfect and going at a slower pace helps too.

CaptSkippy · 10/09/2018 19:17

Forgot to say that decluttering helps too. The less stuff you have the less time you need to spend on cleaning and tidying it. Leaving you time and energy for the fun stuff.

cakeforone · 10/09/2018 19:28

This is something I've had to get to grips with over the last few years as our lives have got busier. We do the following:

Food - Meal plan and online shop for a Friday evening so all ready for weekend. We use the Jamie Oliver cookbook 5 ingredients. No fuss or hassle and quick and healthy. I use the asda app and make a list on there of weekly essentials (stuff you always buy - milk, bread etc) then add all into the trolley to save having to add individually each time. Then add meal stuff and cleaning things etc. I've had hello Fresh in the past and although lovely can be really pricey and not that time saving. DH and I always have a quick option for a friday. Always have a supermarket dine in meal or a takeaway the Friday after pay day.

Laundry - we've worked out we make about 5-6 loads a week so have certain days where we always put a load of washing on. Then stick in the dryer. I never iron unless absolutely necessary.

Cleaner - we have a cleaner 2 hours every week however, we're trying out the organised mum method to see if we can save money. Have also had to drop my standards a little which I'm fine with.

Bedtimes - we take it in turns, whoever isn't doing it makes food (kids have school dinners so eat separately on week nights some of the time). Quick shower every 2 days in the week for the DC. Longer baths fri-sun.

I used to have all the mental load but I'm so busy with work now that I just can't do it all. I just stopped doing as much and DH realised he needed to step up a bit more so now he's fab most of the time. He's in charge of packing kids bags, sorting their school dinners, pays for trips etc. Whereas I meal plan and shop etc.

I would say just don't be so hard on yourself though. It sounds like your doing the best you can and a great job.

marmaladecats · 10/09/2018 19:41

So many useful ideas on here. My DH and I have a WhatsApp group called recipes/life admin. If we see a nice recipe online or in a random magazine we photograph it and send it to the group. Then when I'm meal planning every 2-3 weeks I have a quick flick through. Get a whiteboard and write down everything you've run out of. Then when you do a big online shop you can make sure you've got those plus whatever food needed for the recipes. We tend to have two 'easy' meals once a week eg tortellini and salad, fish cakes and new potatoes with asparagus. We do bulkcooking sometimes especially things like pasta sauce with loads of veg chucked in, you can use it so many ways eg not only pasta mix it with cous cous and meatballs or spread it on wraps, add grated cheese, fold in half and dry fry in a pan for v quick 'pizza' (that's more for the kids as a weekend lunch although it is quite tasty!).

Neshoma · 10/09/2018 19:43

See-through jars and containers is a brilliant idea.

My kids are older now but I always had a box of birthday/anniversary etc cards and stamps to hand. Also a drawer of wrapping paper, (and more time-efficient gift bags).

I didn't iron a thing for years but now I have more time like to iron the odd shirt or two. Pegging is the key to less ironing. Hang T shirts of their hangers.

I used to pay the window cleaner in advance to save him knocking at 8pm.

erinaceus · 10/09/2018 19:53

Outsource laundering bedlinen and towels , and get the cleaner to bag the bedlinen and towels up ready for collection and put away the clean linen and towels. Once you have the whole system set up (cleaner + laundry collected and delivered) it lifts a set of tasks completely.

erinaceus · 10/09/2018 20:02

I have a blackboard on the wall in my kitchen and whenever I think of a one-off task that needs doing I write it on there. Somehow this stops the mental overhead as I know it will get done once it is on the board. Then if I have a spare few minutes I can look at all of the tasks on the board and do one of them, and wipe the ask off triumphantly!

This might work well if you have other people in the household who want to contribute and do not know what to do - they could just look at/add to the ever-growing to-do list and/or wipe off tasks once done.

bimbobaggins · 10/09/2018 20:08

My top tip are lower your standards and outsource what you can.
I get online shopping from the supermarket. Amazon prime is great too
Have a couple of easy dinners a week, toast/ beans/ baked potatoes or something similar. Doesn’t need to be proper cooking 7 nights a week.
I get my ironing done a couple of times a month.
Bulk buy birthday cards.
Lists.
Any odd jobs I get a local handyman so that they aren’t waiting undone for months. I’m useless at them myself
I have all the mental load as it’s just me & ds since his dad died last year and I find that the most difficult thing. Id love a cleaner but I have a small house and it doesn’t take me that long, i just can’t be bothered

CMOTDibbler · 10/09/2018 20:27

We've had a cleaner for years - 3 hours a week - and it has kept things OK. But now as DH is working away 3 nights a week every week, plus I travel as well (and I work FT from home in a currently very stressful job as is DH's) we are having 6 hours a week and OMG it is amazing the difference! The cupboards have been turned out, decluttered and organised, everywhere is staying really clean and tidy, and she is on a mission to declutter us. And with two visits a week we are staying on top of things, plus she changes the bed sheets, puts a wash on with the dirty ones and lobs them in the dryer so thats a couple of loads of laundry I'm not doing. I feel much more in control now

BiddyPop · 10/09/2018 20:55

One I haven’t seen (but may have misssd) is to make sure you have enough uniform to get through a full week and a spare, and plenty of clothes for you and dh. Keep on top of the washing daily (we tend to do a load a day while we’re out and either tumble it or put it on the line outdoors/clothes horse indoors when we get home or before bed). But don’t worry about folding until the weekend. Toss it into a second clothes hamper downstairs that is for clean things - and if you need something urgently you can rummage but otherwise do the folding as 1 batch (in front of a movie with DCs on a Saturday afternoon) and ironing as another single job (with tv and wine as previously mentioned!!).

m0therofdragons · 10/09/2018 21:20

2 hours a fortnight isn't enough when you work full time plus kids.

Cook meals that can be heated up or use slow cooker. Don't bath dc every night. Online shop, sync calendar with dh. It's a juggling act and I don't always remember everything. Dh and I share admin in our lunch breaks but that frees up weekends.

BiddyPop · 11/09/2018 10:14

A few more bits from me.

We get the cleaners in once a fortnight, but they do a full house clean in that time (including changing sheets if we leave clean ones on the bed). Mop floors, clean the bathroom, dust everywhere, hoover everywhere....

I keep a few yellow j-cloths (reserved for bathrooms in our house - green or blue are for any other cleaning jobs) in the upstairs bathroom with a bottle of spray cleaner and another of bleach. So once a week, I do a very quick clean of the bathroom (usually after a shower so things are nicely steam damp and easier to clean off), and bleach the loo. And we have a bottle of shower spray which we use after every shower and it helps reduce spots on the screen/tiles. But keeping the cleaner up there means it really is a fast job (and the used cloth goes straight into the laundry hamper for washing).

I don't worry about downstairs so much - DH bleaches that loo weekly as well, but the sink and shower are far less used than upstairs so the once a fortnight is usually ok, and I have cleaning stuff under the sink in the kitchen if I need to do them another time.

We always keep the kitchen clean - cleaning up properly after every meal. And I sweep the floor most days, but don't worry about mopping unless it really needs it (and often, a floorwipe will do a good enough job in between cleaners visits).

I shop online for food frequently, and have built up my "favourites" to make it a quick job. I keep my stores cupboard well stocked with staples, including things I can cobble a meal from if things go haywire and I miss shopping for a few days longer than usual - stir fries using noodles or rice, tinned tuna and sweetcorn with some some seasoning;; or pasta and a jar of decent sauce (and some bacon lardons fried up, or whatever veg is in the fridge). There are always eggs.

And frozen veg and some frozen meat. As well as bulk-cooked dinners and leftovers and easy meals. So some pizza, fish in batter, oven chips, chicken goujons etc.

Bulk cooked dinners I tend to do either on a day I take off or a dedicated weekend day, if I have time to do either. Or else, when I am in the kitchen on Sunday doing a roast, or just organising school/work lunches for the next 2 days, I will have a large pot of a sauce going as well. I'll do a spaghetti bolognaise sauce, but make enough for Monday's dinner (so just reheat sauce and cook pasta when I get in) and to freeze at least 2 more family dinners (and I try to put some in individual portions as well - for nights that there are less people home or we have unexpected extras to add to the pot) - it's really almost no extra bother as you are cooking it anyway, and I get out the electric blender to chop the veg for larger quantities, so I actually get more veg into sauces like that when doing bigger pots (pepper, courgette, carrot, mushroom as well as onions and garlic in a spag bol, say). That same week, I might use a freezer meal like a curry sauce from a previous week's batch cook on another night - just defrost the sauce the night before.

I also try, if I need potatoes or veg, or to marinate meat etc, to do those the night before as well, after dinner when homework is being done and as part of my cleaning kitchen and prepping for tomorrow time. So I can just turn on pots when I get in home. Or have the oven set to turn itself on so it's already hot to cook when I get in (and sometimes I even get the dinner in so it's ready shortly after we get in - casseroles or lasagnas etc). The prep time after dinner also includes making school/work lunches, and getting breakfast stuff organized. Before I go to bed, I lay out the juice glasses, cereal bowls etc so breakfast can be organized easily. And upstairs, I lay out my clothes (DD can do her own now, but I used to do hers, and pack her crèche bag when small), ready for the morning as well.

And making sure everything is in school bags like signed notes, money for X trip, homework journal, housekeys etc. All phones are charging up if needed. And that I've put anything I need in my own bag for work.

There is a diary on the kitchen counter-top to manage who is due to be where (DH and I both travel internationally with work at times, we are both on a few different Committees and I am a Cub Scout leader, and DD has a lot of afterschool activities, matches and events, trips with Scouts or school etc). I use that to help plan what days I need easy, fast meals and what days I can afford to spend more time on cooking a bit more (e.g. making a stir fry or a dinner involving a freshly made sauce). Or the days that I need 3 different dinners at 3 different times (another time when single portions are useful in the freezer - if we're going to eat at different times we can each suit ourselves as to what we eat as well).

Online banking for bills as much as possible, or write cheques on the train etc. Lists for admin jobs. And just keep on juggling - it does get easier!

And try to make time for personal unwinding. The odd bath rather than rushed shower. Listen to an audiobook or useful podcast while walking/running. Make time for a walk over lunch at work (even if that is to go do a shopping chore, take a long route to get some extra steps, and also fresh air and sunlight). And eat well - as much fresh fruit and real veg as possible, and sensible treats and cheats (so we do have oven chips for fast dinners some nights, but they are less bad than deep fried ones, and I try to add as much freshly fried or steamed veg as I can to jars of sauces to mix with meat and pasta).

TantieTowie · 11/09/2018 11:43

This book is fab: Overwhelmed by Brigid Schulte

Boiling it down, basically what it says is: you can't change how many hours there are in a week, but you can change what you do with them. Need to delegate (inc to kids) or decide not important. Concentrate on what matters to you, and make time to have fun.

GuestWW · 11/09/2018 11:53

My cleaner comes in every week and changes all the beds, washes them and hangs them up. She is in for four hours every week so has time to strip them, wash and hang before she leaves. This saves me probably 30 - 45 minutes a week that I can do something more useful with.

Make sure the kids do stuff too - even the really little ones, like putting their washing in the right baskets. I am still working on this one!

Can you use your lunchbreak for 'admin' - online shopping, renewing insurances, banking, school admin etc?

MinaPaws · 11/09/2018 12:22

2 hours a fortnight isn't much. Can you afford for her to come 2-3 hours a week and do ironing and bedlinen changing too?

Buy good ready meals. Is there a Cook in your area? Branches of food shop Budgens often stock them.

Mon: ready roasted chicken with crusty bread and microwave steamed veg
Tues: good quality lasagne with salad
Wed: anything by Cook
Thur: Supermarket Indian 'takeaway'
Fri: Ready made pizzas with crudites

If DC aren't already on school dinners, switch asap so there's no packed lunches to faff about.

Book a day's holiday from work and try and streamline life admin: set up direct debits for everything you can; set up a basics shopping list for a fortnightly online shop delivery, which you can then top up.

Keep outside clubs to a minimum - DC need no more than 2 a week and you and DP need one each until DC are older.

Meet friends for a walk or a swim, not drinks or coffee or food. That way you get some exercise and don't have to tidy up or prep anything.

BlingLoving · 11/09/2018 12:53

I definitely second that you need more cleaner time. Ours comes 4 hours a week and it is LIFE CHANGING. She does all the big jobs like vacuuming and cleaning bathrooms and kitchens, changes and washes bedding and towels etc and most weeks picks up one extra job so that they're rotated - eg cleaning the fridge or the cupboards in the kitchen.

If you can afford it, also ensure you have school uniform for the week so you can do big loads of washing at once, rather than constant small loads.

Homework is trickier - are ids at after school club? I take it they don't do homework there. Consider a childminder or mothers help who could pick them up, bring them home and help with homework etc? May be more expensive but means you get to focus on doing things like reading with them and talking to them.

cloudtree · 11/09/2018 13:22

You definitely need more cleaning time. We have five hours a week (split Monday and Friday) and I think I need to up it a bit since the house is big

SnowOnTheSeine · 11/09/2018 14:49

Food

  • We have a master list of everything we possibly want to buy from the supermarket stuck on the fridge. I highlight things as and when I notice them, then DH goes to supermarket on his way home from work once every 10 days or so
  • Fresh - DH shops Saturday morning early, sometimes with one or more DC depending on if other things are happening (Drs/dentists/parties whatever)
  • We also mealplan but only for the weekend. DH and I eat at canteens in the week so I just grab a sandwich in the evening and DH cooks himself whatever he fancies
  • I batch cook for the DC who eat with the nanny before I get home from work. I get the food out the evening before and leave it in the fridge.

Laundry
I have a Kallax in front of my washing machine cupboard. Black boxes are for darks. White boxes for lights. I set off a wash almost everyday when I get home from work, then hang it out to dry overnight, often on hangers to reduce ironing. Ironing gets done briefly at the weekend and only essentials

School clothes are got out the night before and left on the kallax. DC dress themselves (I help 4 year old) in the morning and leave their PJs in the same place for putting on after their shower in the evening (which is next to washing machine cupboard!)

Tidying
I did marie kondo. Which means decluttered and everything now has it's own place. Always always put back after use.

Diary
I have an organised mum diary which me and DH fill in (DH travels a lot). Too heavy to lug around with me so I email myself from work and add to the diary every evening.

Both our work diaries have important family events in them (we invite each other) including school appointments/Drs/travel/etc.

I also have a mega to do list on the go (we've just moved flats and have lots of things to do/buy/paint) which i check every couple of days and have planned what we need to do in the following weekends

Cleaning
Nanny does 3 x 45 minutes before picking up the DC. Kitchen gets wiped down after every use. Toilets cleaned every couple of days after I've used one. Sinks gets a quick clean with a face cloth that I've just used on a chocolatey/jammy face and will be throwing in the wash (obviously I use the clean side)

Sport
Both DH and I get a minimum of once a week opportunity to go out and run or swim. It takes priority over other things.

Teateaandmoretea · 11/09/2018 16:41

I think OP doing the drop off and pick up every day OP would kill me. I work FT have an hour's commute. Your DH needs to step up. Strange that his depression doesn't stop him doing a high pressure job but that he can't cope with anything around the house. I don't buy it sorry.

Tilliebean · 11/09/2018 18:05

My freezer changed our lives. Every couple of months we go to Costco and I literally buy kilos of mince, chicken and salmon. Chicken and salmon get portioned in bags. Mince is turned into cottage pie filling and chili. I also do veggie curry (which salmon or chicken can be added to. Sometimes I’ll make a stew (usually venison if it’s in season). I’ve also done tomato sauce with lots of hidden veg. I usually make pizza dough too with the food processor, takes minutes.
I make massive pots of this stuff both on the stove and with the slow cooker. I usually get about 7-8 meals worth from each batch. Everything is portioned and frozen. We meal plan each week, so check the plan in the morning, pull the meal out of the freezer to defrost through the day. Prep any veg/pasta/rice when home and dinner is served. It saves us so much time!! No thinking about it and no faffing.
Saying this I do love to cook, just not every day. So big batches every couple of months suits me. I know there are often small businesses where you can just buy batch cooked meals to freeze, so might be worth investigating as well!

Strokethefurrywall · 11/09/2018 18:25

I think SnowOnTheSeine and I are the same person Grin

DH and I both work full time - as someone who loves order and routine, the following has helped me:

  • I drop kids off in the morning, DH collects them.
  • Cleaner once a week for 5 hours. She deals with all laundry, changes linens, washes windows etc etc.
  • We run the dishwasher every night no matter if it's full or not
  • Kids have school lunches so no need to worry about packed lunches
  • Tall basket in the living room where all the kids toys that have migrated downstairs get chucked
  • I meal plan and love cooking, so spend Sundays making stews, planning mid-week meals and making pasta dishes for the kids so we have dinner ready to pull together for 6pm. Friday night is generally pizza night or BK.

When I get home (if I'm not working late), I do the following:

  • throw the kids out the back to swim/play out with their friends/burn off steam (or they can watch a show or play on kindles until dinner if they're knackered)
  • sit down together at 6pm for dinner, whether DH and I are eating or not. I have a strict no tech rule at the table when we're all together, and I have a strict to no phones rule (for myself) from when I get home until after the kids are asleep, otherwise DH and I continue to be sidetracked by work.
  • EVERYTHING gets written on the big calendar, from social events and weekly extra curricular activities, to days that reading books come home, when homework is due back and what days they need to wear PE kit. If it's not in the calendar, it gets forgotten. It's also very easy to direct DH to "the calendar" - that and a reminder in our outlooks for back up as we both travel so need other reminders.

I've just taken on a big promotion which will demand far more of my time, so as far as I'm concerned, the time that I'm actually at home, I'm there 100%, not half focused on my emails.

I go to F45 every weekday morning at 5am, run during the week or a Sunday morning before everyone else gets up. I love it, it's my time before it gets too hot here.

I'm also making a point of putting down the laptop in the evening (or watching re-runs of Outlander) to read, as I find I relax more and feel it's quality time for me rather than mindlessly watching TV.

Delatron · 11/09/2018 19:05

Not sure how helpful it is but when I had to do all drop offs and pick ups and pretty much everything round the house (DH travelled lots of work). With a 6 month old and a toddler I basically nearly had a nervous breakdown I was so stressed. You could give me all the life hacks you like but with a DH who doesn’t step up, 2 children and a stressful full time job, something had to give. Yes I know there are single parents that do it but I couldn’t.

Reading quite a few articles in the press at the moment about how women don’t do themselves any favours by pretending all this juggling is easy. It’s not and help needs to come from somewhere or you burn out.

delphguelph · 11/09/2018 20:07

What hide says is true.

If you can afford a takeaway you can afford a cleaner.

It's not a moral failure.

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