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Awful lunch with Dsis she wants to come back

103 replies

BrokeLuce · 09/09/2018 19:31

A few weeks ago I had a text from my DSis saying 'Did I tell you that we are coming round for lunch on Saturday?', I replied no, asking her what she meant. She then responded with 'Shit, I told someone but I guess it wasn't you. We'll see you on Saturday.' DH and I have just moved house and we have a four month old so I was a little annoyed that she was trying to come round as she knows our house is a mess and we're knackered but her living situation is delicate. Her and her DP live with their child in his parents' home but his parents are very keen for them to leave. She agrees to arrive at 1pm.

DH and I prepare lunch to be served at 1pm and I'm texting my DSis about other stuff over the morning and she's responding. At 12:45pm I text and check where they are and she says they haven't left yet. So I asked her why she didn't tell me that they hadn't left at 11am (it's a two hour drive) like she said they would. She says her DP wouldn't get dressed. At this point my DH is annoyed and says tell them not to bother to come as he doesn't want to wait another two hours to eat lunch. I politely suggest that we rearrange as the food is done and won't be very nice once they arrive but she says they can't rearrange as her boyfriend will start an argument about it. I repeat that we are hungry and had they said they would be late we would have held off cooking. She reads the message and doesn't respond. They turn up at 3pm, without my nephew.

We eat and it's fine. I apologise for a certain part of the meal as it's slightly overdone. I attempted to reheat the food once they arrived and inevitably it dried the meat slightly. My DSis responds 'Don't worry this is why we don't let you cook Christmas dinner'. I couldn't believe it. I don't do many things well but food is my thing. I cook and host really well and despite my ugly flat I always have people asking to come round for dinner because I cook well. My DSis once made Christmas dinner and it was completely inedible and some of our guests refused to eat her cooking but no-one directly says these things to her. I replied that the food was perfectly fine to eat at 12pm and she doesn't respond.

At 6pm I tell my sister that my DD usually goes up to bed at 7pm and we go up with her as she's under six months. She asks if I'm trying to get rid of her and I say no but we need to get to bed, DH and I have been up since 5am. Her and her DP stay until 8pm.

She's now asking to come round again for lunch and has requested a specific menu. Can you help me phrase a polite response?

OP posts:
Graphista · 09/09/2018 20:14

Why do you need a polite response? She's a rude entitled cow! Cf extraordinaire! Did nobody teach her any bloody manners?

Invites herself to yours without considering if it's convenient for you, then is HOURS late, then COMPLAINS about the food! Tell her to get to fuck!

I used to get similar crap from my sister - now Nc. Life much easier!

I too am not bloody surprised his parents want them out!

How about

"You can come when you've learned some manners!"

BewareOfDragons · 09/09/2018 20:14

Tell her No.

OR tell her sure ... if she comes early, brings the food with her and prepares it herself.

mrs2468 · 09/09/2018 20:16

Oh look another thread where someone likes to comment about sids and babies must sleep in the same room all day and all night next to an adult. Almost every thread that mentions a baby sleeping Hmm. It's a guideline and recommendation like all these they can be followed or not followed. It's a parents personal choice.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

CandleWithHair · 09/09/2018 20:16

“we’re very busy so it’s unlikely to be in the near future. We’ll be in touch when it’s convenient. We’d rather not host lunch again as you were so late this time the food was spoiled, so perhaps we can meet somewhere else”

Or just “no, you were terrible guests today so we don’t really want to invite you again”

Singlenotsingle · 09/09/2018 20:16

What? She told you that they are coming round for lunch?? And now she wants to come back. You have to say no - they'll be telling you they're moving in next! You have got a spare bedroom, haven't you?

theworldistoosmall · 09/09/2018 20:20

Haha, you have a fucking laugh? Its a restaurant you are looking for. And talking of invites. Don't bother inviting yourself for Christmas dinner either.

That would be my response.

Twillow · 09/09/2018 20:22

I agree with what steppemum said:, as it sounds like you want to keep a relationship and improve the situation. Ignore all the f off advice, that's where family rifts start.

*you need to tell her why not.

last time you turned up 2 hours late, food was ruined, then you slagged off not only the food but my cooking in general, then you didn't leave when we gently asked.*

daffodillament · 09/09/2018 20:23

Cheeky cow ! Just ignore it. If she asks again just say, "After last time ?? You must be joking !"

GabsAlot · 09/09/2018 20:24

when i go and visit my dsis i ask when its convienent and i never excpet her to cook we go out usually or eat before

shes some cf-has she always been like this

Nancydrawn · 09/09/2018 20:25

It sound as if your sister is in a difficult position in her life right now. I appreciate you trying to be sensitive to this.

However, it also sounds as if your sister is an asshole.

The former fact doesn't negate the latter. You are welcome to say "I don't want to host you; last time was a disaster of your own making." Or, "Nope." However, if you want to avoid conflict (which is fine in this case), you are also welcome simply to say, "That won't work, I'm afraid, but I hope you have a great weekend."

Whatever you do, keep it simple and short.

HidingFromMyKids · 09/09/2018 20:28

I'm a bit more concerned that you can't even be straight with your own sister. Is there a massive back story here as I couldn't imagine being so worried about being so tactful with a direct family member who has been so obviously rude and disrespectful.

Just tell her straight OP honestly don't let her walk all over you.

GimmeBread · 09/09/2018 20:28

Tell the cheeky mare to get stuffed!

AveABanana · 09/09/2018 20:30

Whatever you do, keep it simple and short

e.g. "LOL, no"

Stormzyandme · 09/09/2018 20:31

Her DP sounds delighful. Starting arguments' Confused

I wouldnt have let Dsis invite herself the FIRST time, let alone again.

Lunde · 09/09/2018 20:32

She is beyond cheeky. I know its besides the point but if my sister (who has a similar aged child) said to me they were going to bed with DN at 7 I would also think she was trying to get rid of me as that is crazy!

Well I would not expect a 1pm lunch guest to still be in my home at 7pm even if they were not a CF who invited themselves and turned up hours late

AnnieAnoniMoose · 09/09/2018 20:34

Stop taking all this shit from her. She’s not made of bone china, do the world a favour and get her told.

bastardkitty · 09/09/2018 20:35

'You must be fucking joking'

UnderMajorDomoMinor · 09/09/2018 20:36

So what if you were trying to get rid of her! She’d been hanging round for bloody hours!

Say ‘no’.

It’s her turn anyway Wink

Creatureofthenight · 09/09/2018 20:38

Why do you let her treat you like shit?
Tell her if you invite her round it’ll be when you feel like it and not before she’s apologised for
a) being late
b) being rude about your cooking
c) staying beyond her welcome.

MaryBerrysChutney · 09/09/2018 20:38

"I am surprised you want to come for lunch. I don't cook to your standards and we are quite busy with settling in and the children. Maybe some restaurant after christmas?"

BrokeLuce · 09/09/2018 20:39

Apologies if I've confused anyone she is my sister not sister-in-law.

I've always been the sibling the others aren't very respectful towards and I suppose it's my fault as I laugh at their jokes about me and haven't put an end to things like this. I do feel ashamed at being so cowardly. Our parents were awful so I've tried to maintain links with my siblings. I would love to tell them all to fuck off but I'm not sure I can. Also, my siblings and I are all still in our 20s and I suppose I just hoped that they would grow up a bit. No is a complete sentence I love this and I'm going to try and use it.

Her DP is quite lazy but so is she so it works, his parents have offered them a house deposit but they won't try and find jobs to get a mortgage.

I think they came to see us to see our new house rather than lunch. We've just bought our first home so I think they were interested to see where we lived. We had lunch at their place once with some of their friends when DD was much smaller and we turned up on time but they hadn't started cooking. It was all prepared stuff that just needed to be heated up so it didn't take long but I'm a bit reticent to go to them as his parents sometimes make comments about when they are moving out. And I'm not completely sure that they contribute to his parents' food shop.

Also, we do go to bed at 7pm, we used to go up at 9pm but we've noticed that our DD was looking tired before then. DD is a rubbish sleeper and it normally takes around 1-2 hours to get her to sleep and she will only go to sleep whilst being fed. I can never manage to extricate myself from her so I normally just stay up with her mumsnetting. Hopefully once she's weaned and no longer bf I can get my evenings back. I miss TV!

OP posts:
Shamoo · 09/09/2018 20:44

No help whatsoever, but I just wanted to say that you sound really lovely.

Smellybean · 09/09/2018 20:45

Well you sound like a sweet person op. Don’t change yourself for your rude family members. Just learn to say no when you’re not comfortable.
Practice in from of the mirror. Grin.

Gemini69 · 09/09/2018 20:46

why are you continually allowing your Sister to treat you like Shite stuck to her shoe OP? Flowers

Blameanamechange · 09/09/2018 20:54

Don't bring it up and then if she mentions it just say no and then silence. See how she responds. If she asks why say you're too exhausted with the baby. You sound lovely she sounds selfish and thoughtless. Don't let her treat you like shit OP. You get treated how you let yourself get treated. Flowers