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Awful lunch with Dsis she wants to come back

103 replies

BrokeLuce · 09/09/2018 19:31

A few weeks ago I had a text from my DSis saying 'Did I tell you that we are coming round for lunch on Saturday?', I replied no, asking her what she meant. She then responded with 'Shit, I told someone but I guess it wasn't you. We'll see you on Saturday.' DH and I have just moved house and we have a four month old so I was a little annoyed that she was trying to come round as she knows our house is a mess and we're knackered but her living situation is delicate. Her and her DP live with their child in his parents' home but his parents are very keen for them to leave. She agrees to arrive at 1pm.

DH and I prepare lunch to be served at 1pm and I'm texting my DSis about other stuff over the morning and she's responding. At 12:45pm I text and check where they are and she says they haven't left yet. So I asked her why she didn't tell me that they hadn't left at 11am (it's a two hour drive) like she said they would. She says her DP wouldn't get dressed. At this point my DH is annoyed and says tell them not to bother to come as he doesn't want to wait another two hours to eat lunch. I politely suggest that we rearrange as the food is done and won't be very nice once they arrive but she says they can't rearrange as her boyfriend will start an argument about it. I repeat that we are hungry and had they said they would be late we would have held off cooking. She reads the message and doesn't respond. They turn up at 3pm, without my nephew.

We eat and it's fine. I apologise for a certain part of the meal as it's slightly overdone. I attempted to reheat the food once they arrived and inevitably it dried the meat slightly. My DSis responds 'Don't worry this is why we don't let you cook Christmas dinner'. I couldn't believe it. I don't do many things well but food is my thing. I cook and host really well and despite my ugly flat I always have people asking to come round for dinner because I cook well. My DSis once made Christmas dinner and it was completely inedible and some of our guests refused to eat her cooking but no-one directly says these things to her. I replied that the food was perfectly fine to eat at 12pm and she doesn't respond.

At 6pm I tell my sister that my DD usually goes up to bed at 7pm and we go up with her as she's under six months. She asks if I'm trying to get rid of her and I say no but we need to get to bed, DH and I have been up since 5am. Her and her DP stay until 8pm.

She's now asking to come round again for lunch and has requested a specific menu. Can you help me phrase a polite response?

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 09/09/2018 19:45

Tell you what sis, as you have devised the menu why not buy the ingredients & come and cook it here - after all it’s your turn to cook and host as I cooked last time.

Bet she won’t want to

NotExactlyHappyToHelp · 09/09/2018 19:47

No wonder they’re keen for them to leave. They sound like a right headache.

Agree with PPs. You are going to have to be blunt. You don’t need to make excuses just a simple ‘No that doesn’t work for us.’

Fooferella · 09/09/2018 19:49

Uh, hey folks. The thread isn't about what time she goes to bed, it's about her CF sister. OP can go to bed whenever she wants!

Tell her no OP. And tell her why, don't be polite.

Interested in this thread?

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00100001 · 09/09/2018 19:50

Who the fuck drives to a place 2 hours away for lunch?? Confused

If she asks to come over just say aby of the following

No.
Not convenient
We're out
Fuck right off.
Sure thing. Let's meet up at x.

itswinetime · 09/09/2018 19:50

I can see why her partners parents are keen for them to leave.

Well my first choice would be to be honest.
' we are still tired from the move and hosting is a lot of work so can we leave it a few weeks. It was quite stressful as you showed up late meaning we weren't able to eat when planned and disrupted dds bed time why don't we meet halfway somitbis easier for everyone.'

Alternatively make excuses but it won't solve the problem

BlingLoving · 09/09/2018 19:52

She sounds awful. But I would be a but concerned 're her relationship with her dh. He sounds like an arse and definitely emotionally abusive.

WinterRainbow · 09/09/2018 19:54

Sorry we’re not keen on hosting at the moment. Too busy with house and baby. Let’s do instead

Smellybean · 09/09/2018 19:56

Dear sis.
You are cordially invited to dds first bday In 6 months.
Love
Brokeluce

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 09/09/2018 19:58

How about "It didn't really go so well last time, so we'd rather leave it for a while"?

Knittedfairies · 09/09/2018 19:59

We’re not planning on having anyone round for lunch/dinner or whatever until the house is sorted; we’ve got a lot to do.

Borntobeamum · 09/09/2018 19:59

'It would be lovely to see you again, so we'll expect you about 1pm'
Then go away for the day!

LeftRightCentre · 09/09/2018 20:00

She's your sister, not your boss. 'You invited yourself over, showed up hours late, slagged off what was offered, wouldn't leave when I told you we needed to go to bed and now you expect me to be your personal restaurant? Are you for real? LOL. NO.' Stop letting her treat you like shit.

Whocansay · 09/09/2018 20:02

Sorry, we have plans. forever

delilahswishes · 09/09/2018 20:03

She is beyond cheeky. I know its besides the point but if my sister (who has a similar aged child) said to me they were going to bed with DN at 7 I would also think she was trying to get rid of me as that is crazy!

Italiangreyhound · 09/09/2018 20:04

I'd probably tell her it is not convenient. Inviting herself last time, being late, being rude and overstaying all came into it but I'd just say it i snot convenient.

Maybe her and her partner will get the message. Just say no. I am guessing you did not enjoy the last visit so why repeat it. The more reasons you give, the more she can counter with but but but...

steppemum · 09/09/2018 20:05

you need to tell her why not.

last time you turned up 2 hours late, food was ruined, then you slagged off not only the food but my cooking in general, then you didn't leave when we gently asked.

So, no, I am not going to do lunch again.

arranfan · 09/09/2018 20:05

No.

We look forward to catching up with your at the next big family event or when you can host us.

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 09/09/2018 20:06

She's now asking to come round again for lunch and has requested a specific menu. Can you help me phrase a polite response?

I never understand these types of posts. How is is it that you can't find a way to say no to your sister after she's turned up late, been rude about your food, stayed too long, and demanded a specific menu for her next visit?

Or is this a pitch for the 'CF Hall of Fame'? Hmm

MissKummerspeck · 09/09/2018 20:07

Fuck off would be my response.

MrsMotherHen · 09/09/2018 20:08

tell her you dont feel like cooking and are happy to meet but go out somewhere to eat.
On a sidenote why is is crazy or ridiculous to go to bed when baby does its what me and DH do and ours our 1 and 3 at 7 were all in bed. Me and DH have the telly on watch a bit of telly in bed asleep by 9 most nights can be up anytime from 5.30/6am

Fink · 09/09/2018 20:09

I wouldn't usually advocate confrontation, but in this case I think she needs to know why you're not willing to have her again because it sounds like she might be completely thick-skinned and oblivious. Spell out for her what went wrong last time.

Disfordarkchocolate · 09/09/2018 20:09

I think I'd go for "piss off" or "only if you bring the food", probably the first one. There is a slight chance I would be feeling tactful and just say "sorry, busy all weekend".

LilQueenie · 09/09/2018 20:10

The polite way is 'Fuck off you sponger'

MagnaDoodle · 09/09/2018 20:11

Well whatever works for you but I’d have been demented going to my bed at 7pm. We needed the hours between 7 and 10pm to have some semblance of a life.

Lunde · 09/09/2018 20:12

You don't need a polite response - she is too thick to "get it"

A 2 word reply will suffice ... and the second word is "off"