Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

I think i’ve revealed an affair to a close friend of the couple

73 replies

Tigertill716 · 08/09/2018 09:42

So slightly complicated however there is an affair where the married couple work at the same place as the OW. Also the married couple friend works here. Work night out, because he knows I know the OW he mentions drunkly that the wife once discovered text messages. I was drunk too and I know I have said I cannot believe the husband is still messaging and lying to his wife, this is where I have messed up as they all thought it was over.

I’m possibly suffering from anxiety from hangover but now I feel completely rubbish as why did I make that comment. My colleague has called me to apologise for asking me about it but to check I was heard correctly. I feel terrible and I’m normal circumstances I would not comment or ‘get involved’ it’s not my business. Should I admit to OW i’ve made the comment or just leave it.

Also I know she’s he OW so I appreciate nobodies going to be her fan and believe me I have had very strong words worth her but I do know the husband has a secret phone and messages her, it’s a habit they need to break.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tigertill716 · 08/09/2018 09:43

Sorry for the typos should of proof read first, typing fast!!

OP posts:
ballsdeep · 08/09/2018 09:49

If they were not having the affair there would be nothing to comment on. I bet you're not the only one who has commented it said something. I wouldn't worry.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 08/09/2018 09:50

Well whatever you said, it's done now. Their business to sort out, not yours. Not your business to have 'strong words' with the OW either.

The fat's in the fire - or it isn't - leave them alone to deal with it.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
GandalfsWrinklyHat · 08/09/2018 09:52

You have basically gossiped.

If I was the wife I would like to know. It is none of your business though and not your place to have ‘strong words’.

Poor wife :(

Doyoumind · 08/09/2018 09:53

You are not responsible for covering for them. If a mistake has been made it's their problem. Don't stress about it and don't get involved.

MrsMozart · 08/09/2018 09:53

Just stay schtum.

And it's not 'your fault', it's their faults for having an affair!

RunSweatLaughAndLatte · 08/09/2018 09:53

Not your fault, they're the ones having an affair and knowingly deceiving his wife.

Original poster
Tigertill716 · 08/09/2018 10:24

That’s what it feels like stupid gossip when I’m fact it’s a serious situation.

And the string words were after the whole situation was discussed with me I strongly advised it’s playong with fire and to get out of that situation. I feel quite firmly about it being horrible for the wife.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tigertill716 · 08/09/2018 10:24

Strong words sorry

OP posts:
Santaclarita · 08/09/2018 10:35

Well he shouldn't be shagging another woman should he?

You should have told the wife by now though. Feel sorry for her, not yourself or anyone else. She's the one being lied to and betrayed.

Yoksha · 08/09/2018 10:38

Just keep quiet. Least said soonest mended here.

Yoksha · 08/09/2018 10:41

Oops! Posted too soon. You'll just have to see how this goes. I feel anxious for you. What a bloody shitstorm of deceit. Either avoid alcohol next night out, or avoid this group like the plague.

Original poster
Tigertill716 · 08/09/2018 10:43

I don’t tho k it’s my place to tell the wife but I do feel really bad for her. I just want to stay out of it and actually the friend called me to apologise for asking me about it and we have agreed not to discuss it. Just disappointed in myself as feels like gossiping about something really shit.

Thanks for your advice and comments

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 08/09/2018 10:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Tigertill716 · 08/09/2018 10:50

Ok anyfucker, what would you do? Personally I don’t think I am a shower of shit because I feel appalling about t

OP posts:
Original poster
Tigertill716 · 08/09/2018 10:51

I made a mistake making a comment then it was shit down. He has called to apologise for bringing it up. But and it’s a big but they are colleagues. It’s my workplace. I have a family and reputation o think about so I don’t really want to be in the middle of this at all and the one to put it all. I do feel shit for the wife of course I do.

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 08/09/2018 10:55

Stop giving yourself such a hard time. They’ve got themselves into a stupid convoluted situation and it is not your responsibility to protect any of them.

These sort of conversations happen after a few drinks.

It’s our secrets which keep us sick. There being oppressive to you, putting you in this situation.

Brush it off and don’t give yourself another moment of stress over it. They chose this.

AtrociousCircumstance · 08/09/2018 10:55

*They’re

JustJoinedRightNow · 08/09/2018 10:58

So to clarify, who did you blab to about the husband still being in contact with the OW?

I think you’re all being despicable - someone should surely have told the wife by now. If not, why haven’t you told her? How mortified she will feel when she finds out so many people knew and didn’t tell her. Just awful.

CarolDanvers · 08/09/2018 11:00

You're not a "shower of shit" at all, what an overreaction Hmm

You got a bit carried away when asked about something you feel strongly about. I'd just back right off now. Don't discuss it, ignore any attempts to bring it up. Not much else you can do really.

Original poster
Tigertill716 · 08/09/2018 11:02

A friend who is close to the married couple, he brought it up to me in a I can’t believe he did that and I said along the lines of he’s despicable I feel sorry for he wife he’s lying to her still. Very stupid I know.

I know it’s shit for the wife but I don’t feel comfortable being the one to reveal it all. I just don’t i’m sorry. It’s not a friendship circle it’s work colleagues and I need to put my work first for my own family instead of get involved. I did mess up discussing it I know.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tigertill716 · 08/09/2018 11:03

AtrociousCircumstance Thanks, your post has made me feel better. I just have had that sinking feeling about it all since.

OP posts:
topsyanddim · 08/09/2018 11:03

I’d just say I was drunk and don’t remember the conversation but don’t want to get involved in it and back away

Original poster
Tigertill716 · 08/09/2018 11:04

CarolDanvers Thank you. Yes agreed and that is how I have been previously just backed away. I would rather just go to work and avoid that situation and keep myself to myself. Thanks for your comment.

OP posts:
Bloobs · 08/09/2018 11:04

Don't know why you're getting a hard time OP. If you were gossiping it's extremely mild as work gossip goes, and you thought you were commenting on something the other person already knew - so you weren't trying to shit-stir.

And I also can't see what's wrong with telling a female friend what you think of her being an OW (if I've understood that right) - I would. Both because I think it's a shitty thing to do to a family (I know some don't agree), but also because it's accepting a crap deal yourself - being someone's bit on the side and bagging yourself a cheater.

OW and cheating bloke are the ones who caused this. Just avoid the topic from now on, and don't get drunk at work dos (disaster waiting to happen!).