My son has gone to bed crying saying I hate him

[sallypepper]

And I really can't do this anymore
This can't be my life
I cannot do the teenage years, he's only 11

What happened leading up to this?

it sounds like things are tough.

It's just me
His Dad died
I can't do this, it's too hard

He does nothing I ask
He ignores all the rules
Every single night he won't go to bed
And there's a drama about everything

Is there anyone in RL you can chat to? That must be so tough and upsetting for you.

Oh. I am so sorry.
Was there an argument?
11 is a difficult age.

Has he had any counselling or support since his dad died?
Have you?

It sounds very hard for you. Can you whisper through his door "I love you".
Then start again tomorrow.
Is there anyone else in the house?

Seriously, every age has been a difficult age.
He's so stubborn
It's like a constant battle

I asked for a truce and he said no

Just me

I am really sorry. for you.

My dd went to bed crying and I feel like shit too.
She's 13 and got upset when I pointed out her total lack of effort for her brother's birthday this weekend it's not all about her so it's clearly not important

Can you pop a note under his door saying "I know you hate me but I still love you."?

I have one of these too, same age and everything, yesterday I was the pits because I couldn't afford more school trousers even though I'd bought him all new rugby kit. Sometimes it feels like everything is a battle, drives me insane and nothing is ever good enough. Can you think back to the last good moment, however tiny, when he needed you for a hug or just a smile together and hold on to that for a moment? You are amazing doing this alone, his father dying must make everything a million times harder. Hold on, you've got this, they do come out the other side I promise .

I just cannot carry on like this
We were really lax about rules over the holidays.
He stayed up later, We watched movies together , we ate out.
But it's not just that.
It's the battle to get washed, get dressed, brush his teeth, every single day. He's 11, not 3.

I get that it must be hard but please do not go to bed angry. Give him a hug tell him you love him and tomorrow’s a new day. Can’t keep being sad so use are gonna figure this hard time out together ❤️

We've been together every minute of every day for the last 8 weeks, maybe we just need some time apart

Op, check out Hand in Hand Parenting. It’s a really different parenting approach for people who find themselves in hard situations like you.

Mrsfox,I never leave it angry, I always insist we make up, but he wasn't having any of it. I tried to cuddle him.

I’m not insinuating you do but I’m just saying. Pop a note under his door for him, it’s a difficult age. And damn kids can be stubborn

In fact one thing my mum always told me was we didn’t have to like each other when we were angry but we still had to love each other and my god she drove me mad but it was very true

Yes we had counselling at the time

sally really, really, really recommend you find a parenting course. It doesn't mean you are a bad parent, it breaks through habits and patterns that are no longer helpful and lets you find different ways of reacting and communicating. A good parenting course will be completely non-judgemental.

I did a course specifically to help me support my DDs following the breakup of my marriage. It affirmed to me that I was doing pretty well, but it also gave me some really practical approaches for the tough moments. In many areas you can self-refer (I did) and don't need any involvement from the system.

I have a 10yo and I lost it with him this evening for very similar reasons. Mine is also incredibly stubborn and argumentative, and struggling with going back into term time routines.
I don't have any great advice just empathy. Mine's dad is in another country and sees him 4 times a year. It's wearing.