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Original poster

I've messed up my child's life. I've ruined him.

71 replies

Deers · 03/09/2018 23:50

I'm sat here crying. I'm such a bad bad person. I hate myself. My beautiful boy. I've ruined his life. He didn't deserve this. I don't know how to undo this mess.

OP posts:
ladybirdsarelovely33 · 03/09/2018 23:51

Op what happened?

Owlettele · 03/09/2018 23:52

What do you think you have done? The fact you care so deeply shows what a great Mum you are

Original poster
Deers · 03/09/2018 23:52

He keeps saying he hates me. He cries so easily. He doesn't care that I keep telling him I love him. He says he doesn't believe me. I'm mean and that if I loved him I wouldn't tell him off. He's cried himself to sleep. I feel I'm ruining his mental health.

OP posts:
LanguidLobster · 03/09/2018 23:52

But why do you think that?

NellaBonella · 03/09/2018 23:52

OP are you okay? Do you want to explain a little bit more? Maybe someone can give you some advice

DolorestheNewt · 03/09/2018 23:53

I can listen for a while, OP, and I'm sure others will be along in a minute. Do you want to say more?

Original poster
Deers · 03/09/2018 23:54

Things have gone worse over the last 6 months or so. I can't seem to go through a day without him telling me he hates me. Noone loves him. Hes so sad. Hes not a happy boy. He gets so angry. Over anything.

OP posts:
NellaBonella · 03/09/2018 23:54

Do you feel like you are on his back all of the time or is what you're telling him off for reasonable?
Don't let him tell you you don't love him because you have rules a d consequences in place (within reason anyway). Most parents have rules because they love their children.
Does he have any SEN? You say he cries easily. Is he becoming overwhelmed at the world or is he upset at being pulled up on bad behaviour?

Howmanysleepstilchristmas · 03/09/2018 23:54

How old is he?

Original poster
Deers · 03/09/2018 23:54

His mental health is getting worse day by day. I feel like such a shit mum.

OP posts:
DolorestheNewt · 03/09/2018 23:55

How old is he, OP?

ineedaholidaynow · 03/09/2018 23:55

How old is he?

Original poster
Deers · 03/09/2018 23:56

He's 7. His low mood is affecting his brother too. He says he feels sad when hr sees his brother sad. He says he wants a happy family. Not this one.

OP posts:
Original poster
Deers · 03/09/2018 23:57

I don't want to set him up with poor mental health for life which I think I have done. It's breaking my heart.

OP posts:
MrsToddsShortcut · 03/09/2018 23:59

Has anything happened recently or in the past that makes you think this is your fault?

You sound lovely and not a shit parent at all btw.

Original poster
Deers · 03/09/2018 23:59

He has no Sen. He cries when I tell him off if he does something wrong. I feel that I can't say anything to him.

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 04/09/2018 00:01

Op I’m giving you a hand to hold.

You clearly care deeply for your son. People lash out most at the ones they know love them because they know they can do so safely. It sounds like that is what he is doing

Both of you need some support to deal with your health. Can you talk to your GP or your sons school? There is support there. Please reach out for it.

Flowers

Original poster
Deers · 04/09/2018 00:03

I feel like it's my fault because I have been a shit mum when they were very young. I was under a lot of pressure and i used to yell at then so much. I hardly ever do this now though. I'm so ashamed about it. I had alot of shit stuff going on at the same time. Money, marriage, house problems- the lot. My mental health was shot and I was under alot of stress. I don't look back at their early years fondly at all as it brings up such horrible memories for me.

OP posts:
user764329056 · 04/09/2018 00:04

Please get some support OP, sometimes we can’t see the wood for the trees, we’re too close to a situation that is very emotional to us. Do you have an understanding GP, a friend you can trust?

Original poster
Deers · 04/09/2018 00:06

I want him to grow up happy, feeling safe not sad thinking I'm mean. He looked at me with such sad eyes. He wouldn't smile. It broke my heart to pieces.

OP posts:
Original poster
Deers · 04/09/2018 00:08

What will the gp do? How can they help?

OP posts:
Thisimmortalcurl · 04/09/2018 00:11

And you can still give them a very happy childhood . You sound like you love your children a lot. Just keep telling him and the feeling of being safe will come .

Passingwords · 04/09/2018 00:14

Agree you need RL support but DS does need boundaries to feel completely safe and if he senses your guilt he’ll use it and milk it to get what he wants- can you start by drawing some rules up together and write out and pin up so he gets some control but also is agreeing to rules? Do you cuddle at bedtime, go through the nice bits of the day, bits to work on perhaps but in a positive way and tell him you love him

AnnieAnoniMoose · 04/09/2018 00:23

💐. It WILL be ok. He’s only little, there’s time to turn this around.

Ennirem · 04/09/2018 00:25

The very best thing you can do for him is heal yourself. Go to the GP and talk about you - your mental health, how you are feeling. Get any help you need to be a calm, centred, loving and proportionate parent. Don’t overwhelm him with your need for him to be happy and to love you. When you are in a good strong place you will be better able to give him what he needs - love, stability and boundaries.

Don’t make it about him, make it about you. Don’t try and fix his mental health, show him what a mentally healthy person looks like.

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