Grown women cannot walk into a bar/restaurant alone

[triwarrior]

I’m interested in the hive mind on this one...I’d arranged to meet a friend for dinner one Saturday night. I was held up (accident on the freeway) and got there about 15 minutes late, and texted her to let her know. By the time I arrived it had started raining and I was surprised to see her standing outside. She was very irritated that I was late and when I said to her, “Why didn’t you go inside?” she reacted with disbelief that I would have suggested such a thing.

In a very un-MN way we agreed to disagree and went on to have a great night, but I’ve been pondering this ever since. I’ll happily go into a bar alone, eat dinner out alone, go to the cinema by myself. My friend wouldn’t dream of going so because of “what she’d look like.” 🙄 Who’s the unusual one here?

Well I travel for business and have to all the time. As far as I know, no one bats an eyelid.

Although I do remember having to be the first one in the pub for nervous friends (because I didn't take any shit from dodgy blokes).

Under 25 I used to wait outside for friends. After that I never bothered and now I don’t care and if I’m first there I’ll go in and order wine... 🤷🏻‍♀️

In 1920 she would have been 100% normal.

Now i think she is unusual. But i have always found women's reluctance to do anything alone quite tedious. I guess i'm lucky never to have suffered bad consequences from doing stuff alone.

She’s being silly. Any normal person would go in, grab a table and wait. I’ve done it when my friend have been late and they’ve done it when I’d been late

Your friend is bonkers

annandale Me too! I had to resist the urge to roll my eyes and tell her to grow up, to be honest.

On the other hand, I also know as a working mother of three, I rarely get time to myself so I consider a meal out alone something to savor.

I'm with you on this one, I'd have gone it. Fifteen minutes in the rain? Nah.

I used to do this when if I wore heels, incase I tripped and fell. I always thought it’d be less embarrassing if I was with someone. When I gave up on heels, I’ve not been bothered about going in on my own.

Ridiculous! Nobody cares

15 minutes in the rain versus warm inside with a drink?! That’s an absolute no brainier, your friend’s attitude is very bizarre.

I used to wait outside. But like a pp, i just dont give a shit anymore. Chalk it down to lack of experience

I'm with you, OP. I have no problem going into a restaurant or a nice bar on my own.

I can see where your friend is coming from, even though I don't think it's right. I used to find that if you go into bars and pubs etc on your own and keep a seat, you get feckin' weirdos coming over to you within minutes, whereas that doesn't happen if you wait outside. That happens less as I get older though; funny that, innit?

Ps I am not a ride by any stretch of the imagination, so it must be even worse for pretty types.

The weirdos are somewhat put off by a book and headphones (attached to anything or not).

I am always on time - friend always very late. I would never dream of standing outside a bar or restaurant. I think most will permit an unchaperoned lady inside!!

I agree she needs to grow up. Who on earth would even notice!

I would have no problem at all going inside and having a drink by myself. I go for lunch, coffee etc all the time alone. I'd feel a bit funny going for dinner and asking for a 'table for one' or propping up the bar all night by myself, but if i was just waiting for someone, why the hell not 😂

Younger me would never have gone inside, I was far too self conscious. Older and wiser me no longer gives a shit.

She may not be "silly" or "bonkers" and may have an anxiety disorder. But I do think she is the unusual one.
I often take my kindle when meeting a certain friend for a meal because she is always late. I'm pretty happy to sit alone for a while.

Perhaps the culture is different where you are OP as you say "freeway". I guess American or Canadian.

In the UK I believe the majority of females would be happy enough going in on their own (I would)

Would I bollocks wait outside having received confirmation you were still coming just held up.

It’s not as though you were meeting at a night club.

Ive always gone into bars, restaurants, and night clubs alone. If I'm early meeting someone, I'm not waiting outside.

I think it depends on the venue, I would go into a restaurant or cafe alone, not just if waiting for someone but if I wanted to eat. I would struggle more with a pub/bar type place. I’m not sure why, I am very self conscious so that may be why. I would go to the cinema alone if I wanted to see something serious but not for a comedy, again due to being self conscious.

Strangely I would holiday alone if I was single and not worry about that at all, but it would need to be somewhere not long distance and where I know and feel comfortable. We have been to a certain area in Turkey a few times so as I know it I would go there on my own if my dh wasn’t around because I would feel I know the area.

I don’t get the women not going into places on their own as a default though.

If I didn't go into restaurants alone I'd starve on business trips. Have lived in the UK and US and going in alone would be the norm in both countries in my circles.

This may have bothered me up until about 15 years ago. But once I hit my 40s,I really didn't care if it looked 'odd'. I quite often go into restaurants by myself and occasionally go in pubs on my own too. No one ever looks askance at me! not that I'd give a shit if they did

Depends on different factors.

Where the bar/restaurant is, what type of establishment it is, is it busy.

Where I live (rural west Scotland) if it was one of the local 'old mens' (traditional) pubs on a tue or early sat eve I'll be honest I wouldn't feel comfy. Because it would attract negative even potentially dangerous attention.

Glasgow Wetherspoons at dinner time on a sat? No problem whatsoever.

It is outdated and unacceptable that in some places this is still an issue, but equally it takes time for change both on the part of the woman and the people inside the bar/restaurant, and people have different life experiences and have been raised with different socially acceptable behaviour.

How old is your friend? I'm 46 and I certainly found until this century it was still problematic in most pubs. And as I said even in this century in certain places I wouldn't risk it.

My mother and aunts (In their 50's, 60's and 70's) wouldn't feel comfortable doing this.

If she's young, especially if attractive too then as pps have said it can attract unwanted attention (not for a second saying it'd be her fault but it unfortunately can be the case).