Grown women cannot walk into a bar/restaurant alone

[triwarrior]

I’m interested in the hive mind on this one...I’d arranged to meet a friend for dinner one Saturday night. I was held up (accident on the freeway) and got there about 15 minutes late, and texted her to let her know. By the time I arrived it had started raining and I was surprised to see her standing outside. She was very irritated that I was late and when I said to her, “Why didn’t you go inside?” she reacted with disbelief that I would have suggested such a thing.

In a very un-MN way we agreed to disagree and went on to have a great night, but I’ve been pondering this ever since. I’ll happily go into a bar alone, eat dinner out alone, go to the cinema by myself. My friend wouldn’t dream of going so because of “what she’d look like.” 🙄 Who’s the unusual one here?

Your friend is bonkers or has some sort of anxiety or social problem

She’s nuts. I might feel a bit hesitant if I was actually going to spend the evening on my own (away on business or whatever), but I’d still do it.
But waiting for someone expected to turn up at any moment??

I would have no issue walking into a bar or restaurant by myself to meet someone.

My friend wouldn’t dream of going so because of “what she’d look like.” , what does she mean, like she's trying to pick someone up?

'Because of what she'd look like' means 'because she'd look like a prostitute', which is a very old-fashioned attitude - but one my mother's generation (baby-boomerish) would have recognised when younger.

The 'can't go anywhere by myself or people will think I have no friends' attitude, common amongst some younger people, strikes me as very immature, relying on an assumption that other people are far more interested in you than they actually are.

Then there's the hassle a lone woman mighe get. In a pub maybe but not in a restaurant - and surely not in the sort of place you'd have chosen to eat with a friend.

So, if you're both over 25, I am very surprised by her attitude, unless she suffers from anxiety in the medical sense.

My friend wouldn’t dream of going so because of “what she’d look like.”

And what did she think she'd look like?

I would be your friend. I am over 30 and I know it’s not logical, but I would be standing in the rain.

My reason is:
As a black woman walking into a pub where every single other person is white, and mostly male, and the whole pub swivelling to stare at me as I walk in, which is what happens where I live, is my worst nightmare.

So you’ll find me outside getting wet, quietly cursing my late friend.

This reminded me of when I stayed alone in a hotel in Cornwall after my first marriage broke up. The lovely foreign waiters in the hotel "adopted" me, I assume because they felt sorry for me. On the 2nd evening they showed me to a new table. "Special for you, Madam, because you on your own"...It was on a plinth, with a pink cloth, (all the others were white).

I used to be like this when I was younger and less confident. I’m fine now with restaurants etc. where I know the rules as it were.

If it’s something new and I’m feeling shy (e.g. joining a new hobby club where one of my friends is already a member, going ice skating the first time) then I would still prefer to wait and go in with someone else, if its an option. Once I know what to expect I’m fine though.

Having a husband and two children i would be quite happy to enter alone, order a drink and sit And enjoy whilst people watching from the bar 😀

Before I had a busy life of kids I would probably of been to embarrassed to be alone though. Now I'm greatful of the me time 😂

I hated doing this when I was younger. I've had anxiety though so new places in general set me off. Even now.
Now though, I'd probably go in and just have an internal panic and down a wine while waiting to calm my nerves

81Byerley - aww how sweet of them, and truly awful!

I go to pubs, restaurants and on holiday alone. Cinema and concerts as well. If I'm meeting friends whoever is there first goes in and waits.

I met a friend in a restaurant a while ago. I arrived first, so went in and got a table, then ordered a drink while I waited.

She arrived a few minutes later, but waited outside for me!

We each thought the other had stood us up, until the "where the hell are you?" texts were sent!

As a black woman walking into a pub where every single other person is white, and mostly male, and the whole pub swivelling to stare at me as I walk in, which is what happens where I live, is my worst nightmare.

That used to happen to me (white) in certain old mens' pubs. I don't know whether it still would, because I'm now confident enough to refuse to go into seedy pubs at all. Many habitués of those places seem to think that normal standards of civility don't apply once they are over the threshold. There are some great things about living in the UK, but the pub/drinking culture certainly isn't one of them IMO!