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Original poster

Would you think I was rude if...

70 replies

upsideup · 01/09/2018 21:58

.. you invited my child (5) for dinner and I asked to send him with either his own plate and cutlery to use or a packed lunch box.

Would this be rude/annoying/difficult or make no difference to you?

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 01/09/2018 22:10

Op it's fine and I'm shocked someone wouldn't wash it. I would. Without question.

Excitedbutconfused · 01/09/2018 22:11

If you didn’t tell me why I would think it was odd and wonder what was wrong with my stuff, but if you explained why I would have no problem at all.

Original poster
upsideup · 01/09/2018 22:13

He's absolutely fine on playdates otherwise, just dinner time he's difficult.
No extra needs or alergies.

OP posts:

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NoelHeadbands · 01/09/2018 22:13

It would be fine

TokyoSushi · 01/09/2018 22:16

Oh I see. He would bring it to my house? Totally fine, no issue at all.

llangennith · 01/09/2018 22:19

Fine so long as I was forewarned.

BeeFarseer · 01/09/2018 22:21

Absolutely fine, but I'd think it odd if you didn't explain why.

Lidlbutfierce · 01/09/2018 22:24

I would be fine and not offended but I would probably seceretly think that unless there are major sensory type issues then pandering to this would not be a great idea. I know some people would probably try and deliberately get around it too just to be able to say that he ate perfectly well off their willow pattern or whatever.

CustardOmlet · 01/09/2018 22:34

I would be fine, but if you tell me there is no reason other than to pander to his demands (no ASD) then I would judge your parenting.

OnTopOfSpaghetti · 01/09/2018 22:38

My DS would only eat 6 foods when he was little, I used to send him with his lunchbox on playdates. Most parents were understanding, he would have freaked out if they'd tried to feed him anything else. No formally diagnosed additional needs but has always had sensory issues and anxiety, and unknown foods were a real cause of distress for him.
Just explain he only feels comfortable with his own plate/cutlery, any understanding parent would be fine with it.

OnTopOfSpaghetti · 01/09/2018 22:39

Ouch CustardOmlet you'd have been judging me then.

RebelRogue · 01/09/2018 22:40

I wouldn't care at all. I wouldn't bat an eye lid at the lunch box ,maybe wonder why about the plate and cutlery.

I wouldn't think it's about my cleanliness standards as you're obviously happy for your kid to play here and eat food I cooked(just off his own plate).

CustardOmlet · 01/09/2018 22:46

@ontopofspaghetti food is a little bit different to what they are eating off, texture, flavour etc. But if your child won’t eat from a coloured plate and there is no reason behind this then I would wonder what else the child dictates and the mother just adheres to.

OnTopOfSpaghetti · 01/09/2018 22:48

@CustardOmlet Yes OK I do see where you're coming from. Hard to know without OP explaining the reason.

pallisers · 01/09/2018 22:52

No extra needs or alergies.

I presume by "extra needs" you mean diagnosis/special needs etc. Because your son does have extra needs - he needs to bring his own plates/cutlery to playdates so he will eat dinner. That is extra.

I wouldn't care if it was a child my kid was friends with. But I wouldn't think it "usual". I would probably think the child had possible anxiety or borderline ocd or sensory issues or something - not just a preference for white plates because a preference like that shouldn't extend to not eating in other people's houses unless it is on a white plate. But no skin off my nose to give him the plates and cutlery he wants so I would.

UnderMajorDomoMinor · 01/09/2018 22:53

Tbh if he has no underlying issue for this as his parent I wouldn’t send that and I would explain to him that in life plates and cutlery won’t be how he wants and he needs to practice. If he chooses not to eat that’d be his choice.

I wouldn’t do that if he might tantrum thouch.

PasteSandwiches · 01/09/2018 22:54

Has he eaten away from home before and was this an issue then? I only ask as some kids can be different around their friends houses and lose their quirks around certain things. If he's not eaten round a friends house before I'd be tempted to send him without the plate/cutlery and see how he gets on.

Bacere · 01/09/2018 23:02

Id love you to send him with his own lunch as it would save me the anxiety of how much and what to provide. Own plate etc would also be fine but I'd be curious but feel unable to ask. If you would want me to provide lunch on reciprocal play date I'd want to know in advance too.

AnalUnicorn · 01/09/2018 23:14

It wouldn’t bother me but I would wonder why.

sleepyhead · 01/09/2018 23:18

No problem. We've got plain white plates though so I'd just make sure we used them for everyone and you could send your ds's cutlery.

NoMudNoLotus · 01/09/2018 23:22

Unless he has ASD / intellectual disabilities i would think he is a very pandered to child.

GarlicBreadItsTheFuture · 01/09/2018 23:26

I wouldn’t judge but I suspect my kids would find it odd. They’d be too polite to say so to his face but I’d probably need to be able to answer their questions later.

Cleanerswinagain · 01/09/2018 23:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

C0untDucku1a · 01/09/2018 23:34

I wouldnt care. I would assume ASD.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 01/09/2018 23:35

Your child would be a guest in my home and I would want him to be comfortable and enjoy himself. If that meant eating from his own crockery/lunch box then fine.

My son's friend (an older teen) had lots of issues around food so when he came to visit I would give them money to go and get a pizza - he was happy to eat from the cardboard box but was stressed about eating meals off strange plates.

It was nothing to do with our standard of hygiene - he just had anxieties. It never offended or worried me at all.

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