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Original poster

DD (7) bullied for wearing a crop top vest

95 replies

OnlyYou09 · 28/08/2018 12:15

Gutted my little girl told me when they change for PE, particular boys slag her off for wearing a “bra”. It’s made her so self conscious.

Should she wear long vests? Have I fucked up? 🙈🙈🙈

OP posts:

Frusso · 28/08/2018 19:45

Putting it in writing formalises it and requires a response from the school, possibly that’s why pp are suggesting it?

Exactly why I suggested it yetalkshitehen means it can't be dismissed or ignored.

PorkFlute · 28/08/2018 20:32

If her friends are also wearing them then I assume it’s not just your dd who is receiving comments.
I’m going to go against the grain and say that the 7yo boys aren’t being perverts or bullies. They are just being silly 7yos and being childish about girls in their class wearing what looks like their mums bras. A heads up to the teacher so they can clarify class rules about such comments is likely all that is needed.

Montybabe · 28/08/2018 20:36

Am I missing something? Do you mean yr 7 children or 7 year old children? I really don’t see the issue with 7 year old getting changed together. This is pretty normal in most schools.

PorkFlute · 28/08/2018 20:42

I’m assuming it’s 7yo children. I doubt any year 7s would be willing to wear a long vest!
I also don’t see an issue with 7yos changing together.

Frusso · 28/08/2018 21:10

I didn't say the boys were bullying or perverts. And they may just be 7yo boys being silly.
But OPs dd shouldn't have to put up with it.
And imo if the boys at the age to be noticing and/or comparing crop tops to their mums bras, even in jest, they are too old to be changing together.

We spend our energies on telling our dcs pants are private and the underwear rule, to then tell them that it's okay to strip to their underwear albeit to get changed in a situation where someone else there makes them feel uncomfortable. Go figure cause that makes no sence to me.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 28/08/2018 21:14

I’d report they boys but why would a 7yo be wearing a cropped top like this? This is to cover breasts - does she have any? It’s not a layer of clothing for her trunk, just for breasts.

NerrSnerr · 28/08/2018 21:19

Some school shirts are see through and girls would like something underneath, some girls may want to have something on when they get changed and the weather is warm so a full vest is not required.

Maybe it's what she wants to wear. She shouldn't be shamed for wearing her choice of underwear. In the late 80s/ early 90s I wore a cropped top at a similar age.

Idontmeanto · 28/08/2018 21:34

I’m sure they are little boys being silly, but it is upsetting the op’s dd. If they are not robustly taught that this is not okay they will grow up thinking that commenting on females bodies/clothing choices is acceptable.

PorkFlute · 28/08/2018 21:42

Well kids are sometimes silly in maths so maybe that shouldn’t be happening either.
Nothing whatsoever wrong with 7yos changing together in class. The op just needs to speak to the teacher. Kids are sometimes silly and there’s no reason to believe that the school won’t sort it.

EwItsAHooman · 28/08/2018 21:47

why would a 7yo be wearing a cropped top like this? This is to cover breasts - does she have any? It’s not a layer of clothing for her trunk, just for breasts.

They are not to cover breasts and are entirely suitable for children. They're an undergarment for little girls - flat cotton, no cups, padding, or darts - and are the same cut/shape as a long vest except they have a shorter length. DD wears them and they come mid-way down her rib cage (front and back), well past the place where the band of a bra would sit. And they do actually help keep her warm in winter.

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 28/08/2018 23:11

why would a 7yo be wearing a cropped top like this? This is to cover breasts - does she have any? It’s not a layer of clothing for her trunk, just for breasts.

What a ridiculous statement. So do you think 7 year old girls shouldn’t wear swimming costumes either - should they wear trunks on the beach or at the pool like boys do?

I agree that bikinis on very little girls aren’t necessary as they don’t have anything there to cover, but by 7 years old girls are starting to grow and do look different to boys. If they want to wear clothes to cover their top half it’s entirely up to them.

Saying that, my DS would have been more self conscious getting changed at that age as he was a bit overweight and hated taking his top off for swimming etc.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 28/08/2018 23:17

It’s not a ridiculous statement just because you don’t agree with it, it’s a legitimate question. EwIts managed to give a possible explanation so it’s doable. Try that next time 👍🏻

Anita98 · 29/08/2018 00:22

Should they be getting changed together at that age?
Right until the end of primary school we all got changed together

MerryMarigold · 29/08/2018 11:25

I asked my ds who is nearly 10 whether they girls and boys get changed together and he said yes. I asked if some girls or all girls wear cropped vests or short vests. He had no idea. He is actually very observant and into pointing out breasts in adverts/ on the beach etc. and silly about bras (mine), but clearly he realises that 9yo girls don't have any boobs to speak of and therefore hadn't even noticed whether the girls have tops/ bare chest or whatever. I know he is just one kid, but he isn't like my ds1 (who is 12 and only just noticing those things). It's really not a concern to me that children that age get changed for P.E together, which is basically putting on some shorts and a T shirt. For swimming they get changed with their own sex.

Frusso · 29/08/2018 15:33

but clearly he realises that 9yo girls don't have any boobs to speak of
Bollocks. (Not that he hasn't noticed, I've give him that, you clearly have a lovely lad)
but bollocks if you think 9yos don't have boobs. I can give you an example of my just turned 10yo dd with bigger breasts than me. And they certainly didn't just appear overnight.

Girls pubertal development begins with breast development and 2-3years later periods start. Some Yr6 girls get periods, some before that. Which means they would have had breast development start at 7/8years old. 7 is the cut off for precocious puberty, which means 7 onwards is normal.

Fortunately for dd the respect her primary school has for their intake means boys and girls do not change for PE together at any age.

It might not be a concern for you with a 12yo boy who's only just noticing these things, but it is certainly a concern to me with a 10yo who has been well aware of them for the past 3 years.
And it's a concern to the OP, whose dd is being tease for her choice of underwear.

Well kids are sometimes silly in maths so maybe that shouldn’t be happening either. what a ridiculous statement. Consider this: add 10 years to the children's age. At 17 kids, well boys, because this is about "boys being silly" being silly in maths is still boys being silly in maths.
At 17 boys making any comment on a girls underwear is sexual harassment.

Which one should you really be concerned about?

At what point does it transfer from being "silly" to "sexual harassment"?
When the girl feels uncomfortable? (Because OPs 7yo does, even if she doesn't fully understand why.)
Or when girls puberty starts? (Because that can be 7, or in some cases younger.)
Or when schools fail to adapt to the fact that puberty happens earlier than it used to 10-20 years ago, and therefore fail to safeguard girls (and boys) from harassment.

Why should it not be taken seriously because the girl is 7? Why should changing together be "just the way it's done" because it's convenience and staffing? Because that's not safeguarding children.

PorkFlute · 30/08/2018 09:03

Well your statement is pretty ridiculous because the children aren’t 17 they are 7! No-one is suggesting that teens should change together.
It’s highly unlikely that an infant or year 3 child has breasts!

PorkFlute · 30/08/2018 09:05

And if the child had started puberty early and had breasts she would need an actual bra not a cut off vest - something I’m sure the op may have mentioned.

Original poster

OnlyYou09 · 30/08/2018 11:13

I never knew it could be such a debate!

I decided to have a word with the teacher first, and if my DD reported it happening again it would go in writing.

The teacher's response blew me away to be honest at first, she suggest my DD could go to the toilet to get changed.

Yeah... right. I told her that wasn't fair at all and not focusing on the issue.

She then nodded and seemed to agree, and then went on to say she isn't present at the PE lessons and the PE teacher is in charge, but she'll be there next time.

I do see another occurance and a letter in the pipeline we shall see what DD says.

OP posts:

CramptonHodnet · 30/08/2018 11:28

That teacher is being ridiculous suggesting your DD change in the toilets. Schools often leave it too late to separate children changing for PE. When DD was at primary, they all changed together until Year 5, then they were separated with boys changing in year 6's classroom and girls in year 5. DD said girls were already embarrassed by boys staring and making comments by year 4.

Original poster

OnlyYou09 · 30/08/2018 11:44

It was something that just t never occured to me (why it took this long I don't know)
We always had seperate changing rooms when I grew up so I just assumed all was good.
I mean she's only 7 so i had no issues with them sharing at the moment. Now I don't even know what to think.

OP posts:

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