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Original poster

DD (7) bullied for wearing a crop top vest

95 replies

OnlyYou09 · 28/08/2018 12:15

Gutted my little girl told me when they change for PE, particular boys slag her off for wearing a “bra”. It’s made her so self conscious.

Should she wear long vests? Have I fucked up? 🙈🙈🙈

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 28/08/2018 13:47

Oh come on, a cropped top is nothing to do with sex. They are just another kind of vest.

EwItsAHooman · 28/08/2018 13:47

I had crop top vests in primary school way back in the late 80s/early 90s, they're not a new thing.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplands · 28/08/2018 13:49

Agree there is nothing wrong or remotely sexual about those vests, pretty common for that age and above. Agree OP you should talk to school the problem is with those horrible boys.

Idontmeanto · 28/08/2018 13:51

Hyppolyta, I like your dd and her classmates!

Frusso · 28/08/2018 13:52

Report, in writing, to the school.

Munder · 28/08/2018 14:00

Definitely not fucked up.
My DD had been wearing them for awhile now and prefers them to full length vests.

I bought them as an alternative to full length vests due to the warmer weather.

Kids will say stupid things though.

YeTalkShiteHen · 28/08/2018 14:03

because it's attracting attention. Yes, they are wrong to bully her/ point out she's wearing something different, but if it's not a necessary item of clothing, why does she wear it? I assume the boys aren't teasing the girls who don't wear one

Well instead of telling girls to change what they wear, how about telling boys not to fucking look at girls getting changed and not to mock them for what they’re wearing?

Good grief that comment belong in the Stone Age.

Original poster
OnlyYou09 · 28/08/2018 14:04

Yeah that’s them Hooman!
Ah I never saw them back in the day!

I do plan to speak to the teacher today but is there a reason people suggest putting it in writing? I just want to nip this in the bud and not drag it out. I actually know one of the boys mums and she’s probably be mortified.

OP posts:
Original poster
OnlyYou09 · 28/08/2018 14:06

because it's attracting attention

My 7 year old daughter wants to attract attention to her underwear? Na you’ve lost me

OP posts:
Idontmeanto · 28/08/2018 14:09

Email is the most effective way of documenting an issue, as the default is to save anything sent and received, together with the dates. If it doesn’t improve you have it all there to forward to governors/OFSTED/MP... as needed.

YeTalkShiteHen · 28/08/2018 14:09

Putting it in writing formalises it and requires a response from the school, possibly that’s why pp are suggesting it?

I’d have a word with his Mum tbh, if she’d be mortified maybe that would inspire her to have a word with her son!

Original poster
OnlyYou09 · 28/08/2018 14:11

Okay so writing seems to be the way to go, I agree! Thank you YeTalkShiteHen (you don’t though lol)

OP posts:
Idontmeanto · 28/08/2018 14:12

Don’t worry about the boy’s mum. Any kid can put a foot wrong and one day it could well be you being asked if you’ve got time for “a word.” What matters is that the behaviour is stopped.

YeTalkShiteHen · 28/08/2018 14:12

Why thank you Grin I’m usually told the opposite Grin

FWIW I think it’s horrid that your DD is already experiencing comments like that at her age, bloody depressing too!

Original poster
OnlyYou09 · 28/08/2018 14:13

That is true Idontmeanto thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
OnlyYou09 · 28/08/2018 14:14

YeTalkShiteHen my professional job involves boosting women’s confidence so it killed me to see her cry about this

OP posts:
YeTalkShiteHen · 28/08/2018 14:16

Your job sounds ace! I can imagine how awful it was to see your DD cry, and so bloody unfair too!

DD had her first taste of spiteful bullying about appearance at nursery from another child whose mother was “the type” and my heart broke for DD being told she was ugly because of her chickenpox scars! She was 4 at the time ffs and had only just healed up.

TeaForTiger · 28/08/2018 15:15

I really don't think it's about 'boys shaming girls' they're just children.

Try being one of the last few boys still wearing pants when everyone else has boxers. Kids will always look for something different, it's just what they do.

I would just talk to the teacher. Emailing Governors/OFSTED/ local MP seems a tad ott at this point.

WhoWants2Know · 28/08/2018 15:47

My oldest had noticeably developed in the breast area at 7 and had a period by 8. Some kids need crop tops.

LemonysSnicket · 28/08/2018 18:33

I remember this happening to me 15 years ago. Thought the crop top fashion would've put and end to it by now

YeTalkShiteHen · 28/08/2018 18:35

Try being one of the last few boys still wearing pants when everyone else has boxers. Kids will always look for something different, it's just what they do

Irrespective of whether they’re boys or girls they should all be taught not to eyeball someone else in their undies and certainly not to mock them!

ErrolTheDragon · 28/08/2018 18:36

I really don't think it's about 'boys shaming girls' they're just children.

Maybe they're just being silly little boys, but that's the effect they're having on the soaps DD.

ErrolTheDragon · 28/08/2018 18:37

Soaps? OPs

SuburbanRhonda · 28/08/2018 18:42

Report it of course, but unless it’s been been happening persistently, over time, it’s probably not bullying (still unkind and should be dealt with though).

If she’s the only one wearing crop tops the boys have probably noticed she’s wearing something different and are commenting on it for that reason.

Our children change together up to the end of Year 2 and separately after that.

DemocracyDiesInDarkness · 28/08/2018 18:59

I don't think I'd make a formal complaint in writing my first step.

What I have done in similar situation:

  • Told DD that it's perfectly acceptable for her to tell the bullies to do one
  • Spoke to her teacher who had some chats with the whole class about body changes, everyone is different, teasing not acceptable, etc

I would have gone further it needed, but I think giving your daughter the tools to tell them to fuck off is step one, not compiling a formal complaint. I mean, I know how you feel, but they're 7 - they are still learning, and now they need to learn that teasing is unacceptable.