Family are all having a Bank Holiday day out and Roast today, we’re not invited because of DS

[FuckyDuzz]

Just that really

All of my family are spending the day together today and we’re not invited

I have noticed there’s been a few things going on lately that I haven’t found out about until afterwards but didn’t really think anything of it, never thought we were left out intentionally but today seemed such an obvious ‘family day’ that I asked why we weren’t invited
And I was told it was because one of my children and how his behaviour “ruins most things”

DS is 2
Yes I have struggled with him, since birth really, he’s always been a difficult child I’m not denying that
But fuck me this stings

Oh that's really sad to hear. What is it about your DS's behaviour that they find so difficult? Does he have SN?

Oh bless you

that must really hurt

Are you usually a close family? Do you do things with other members of the family individually or does it tend to be big group affairs?

Who is it that's decided your aren't invited?

Surely if they're that concerned over his behaviour someone should be talking to you, not trying to cut you off.
I'd be hurt and uoset

That's bad. We were left out of many things due to my child's additional needs but they'd never come right out and say it. I knew though and am still angry years later.

Awful.

We had this with DS who was very challenging at the same age. He was exhausting bit because I had no other children I just accepted it as normal "terrible twos". In fact he was autistic with ADHD and a host of other issues.

Like you we were excluded from lots of things because family and we didn't understand why DS was so challenging. It is hurtful.

Obviously I am not suggesting your child has the same issues as my DS but some children can be very challenging until maturity brings easier to manage behaviour.

Is your child badly behaved though. Think your family handled in completleyour the wrong way but maybe they didn't want a tantrum in the middle of dinner

Oh op that’s awful
My sister’s ( autistic) child was not invited to a family wedding
That was difficult

He's only 2? all 2yo's are pains at times are they not? Mine certainly was last night
What kind of behaviour are you talking about?

That is very hurtful. How bad is his behavior? Does he have a major impact on family gatherings? Try and talk to whoever made this decision when you are calm and work out how to manage the next gathering.

What does he do?

Well it isn’t great that they didn’t come and explain this before - but at least now you have an answer - painful 😖

Is there any support out there for you in this situation? A visit to your go to see if they think the behaviour is abnormal in a child of his age?
I had family member go through difficult time with 3 year old, eventually his naughtiness was diagnosed. There was a reason.

My daughter was just plain naughty when out, eventually we were able to manage the behaviour.

Unsupportive bar stewards, they could have had a word and worked out some strategies to help you.

I'd not darken their door again.

Unforgiveable.

I would say it depends on what he does to be disruptive and what you do to manage his behaviour. It is also relevant what type of restaurant they went to, as in how family friendly it is.

To the posters saying maybe the child's behaviour is bad, maybe he would have a tantrum-
Well this is the OP's family, the very people who should always be there for you.
I would be very hurt, OP. Could you speak to your mum (or other person involved who you are close to) and tell them how you feel?

Fuck them.... I’d go little to no contact with them.

Wow that is really bad.

Toddlers generally tend to be a handful, most people find it endearing, particularly family member who ought to love him and enjoy being with him. What kind of message is that giving to your child??? You are so absolutely awful that none of your own family will even want to be with you.

That message is incredibly damaging as well totally inaccurate.

All children of this age are lively etc and find meal times challenging, that does not mean you simply exclude them and their parents.

I would not easily be able to come back from this tbh op. They are not good people to have around your child, there a million things they could have done to accommodate ds had they wanted to.

Poor you. I am sorry what shitty behaviour

message are they giving your child.

That sounds very harsh, op. What kind of things are they talking about? Is it just the usual temper tantrums? Do you take him out of restaurants or away from the situation, hen he kicks off or do you stay and try to calm him?

Charming 🙄

Op

I must admit that I have given events a swerve I know a friends child will be at. It could be additional needs but it is pretty extreme.

What sort of things is your boy doing? He could be totally normal, or something else could be at play?

Oh, that's not nice. Sorry for you OP

That's shit. I'm a parent to an autistic child and aged 2 that's how everyone saw him-I just thought he was difficult. In fact he was struggling massively with the world as he couldn't explain how frightening it was for him. So called family, they sound utter bastards.

I can't imagine excluding a family member for the usual 2 year old tantrums as long as the family member dealt with it appropriately and tried to make the impact on others was miminised as much as practical, maybe by taking them off somewhere quiet until they calmed down. How else is the child going to learn?

What does your ds do?

That's awful, I'm sorry. They could have at least tried to talk to you about it, and I agree that they are sending a terrible message to your little boy as well.

So sorry OP. I've been there. I have 2 with SNs, and my ex's sister used to plan family events/parties/get togethers, then ring ex and say "It'll probably be tough for your dcs so maybe Gingerivy can stay home with them and you can come by yourself. Thankfully ex got so tired of it (we were married at the time) that we ended up going NC with his sister. Not an issue now.

I get left out of things a lot due to this, but some of it I'm not bothered - it'd just be nice to be asked, and then I can honestly say "oh, sorry, the dcs can't cope with that - but thank you so much for asking me." People just assume and don't ask - but then it feels like they don't want you there anyway.