Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Boyfriend spat on me

60 replies

needhelpandsupport · 27/08/2018 09:25

I've name changed, regular on Mumsnet but don't want this linked to other posts.

I just need some advice and support.

Been in dp 2 years, great relationship and been very happy. I do find him very intimidating at times, he was a minor celebrity in the 90s and gets a lot of female attention, I was flattered when we got together.

I have dcs from a previous relationship and he has been great and takes them off for days out and has been great as their dad isn't interested.

Dcs are teenagers and a bit mouthy at times, last night DD refused to tidy her room, it's like a pigsty. I got into an argument with her and I ended up helping her do it (I just wanted it done). dp then tells me I'm parenting wrong and shouldn't help her and I need to take her phone away and not give it back until it's done. We then got into an argument (he doesn't have children and doesn't live with us) and I said not to tell me how to parent my children. I accept he was right at this point and rather than helping I should have dealt with it another way. It got into an argument as I felt he was judging me as a parent and I told him to get out of my house. He then picked up a vase and threw it across the room, glass was everywhere and he left.

An hour later he came back to get his things (he left his wallet) and we talked and argued again. I said I cannot have someone in my house who breaks my things whilst the dcs are in the house. He apologised. I said I still want you to leave. He then got close to me and said "I'll smash your head through a wall" and spat on me and then walked out.

He text me lasted saying he was sorry and didn't mean it and begging forgiveness.

He's never done anything like this before but I know I can't be with someone who can do that to me. I know it was in the middle of an argument but that's no excuse.My dc were upstairs and heard. I can't forgive that behaviour as it's then like telling dds that behaviour like that from a partner is acceptable and I don't want them to think that it's ok. He said he will come over and talk to dcs and explain he was wrong and apologise to them.

I've ignored messages so far. I'm not even sure what I want on here, just reassurance I've done the right thing.

Sorry for waffling

OP posts:
Branleuse · 27/08/2018 09:27

Youve done the right thing. I would also log it with the police

BlueGenes · 27/08/2018 09:27

You've absolutely done the right thing. You need to set an example to your DC's that this is not acceptable behaviour in a relationship.

tectonicplates · 27/08/2018 09:27

Nobody should find their partner "intimidating". That in itself is ringing alarm bells for me.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
DisplayPurposesOnly · 27/08/2018 09:30

He's a twat. You definitely did the right thing. Don't take him back.

ADastardlyThing · 27/08/2018 09:30

Get rid.

NonaGrey · 27/08/2018 09:30

He smashed up your property.
He threatened you physically
He spat at you.

Yes you did the right thing to end it.

I’m a tiny bit worried that you even had to ask.

I wouldn’t let him within a million miles of my children let alone to talk to them.

I’d be changing the locks if there’s any chance he has a key. He’s violent - he needs to stay away.

Ps I don’t think you were necessarily wrong about how you handled the room tidying either.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 27/08/2018 09:31

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Do not let him back

Fishface77 · 27/08/2018 09:33

Get rid and don’t engage.
Isn’t spitting in someone actually assault? Tell him you will report him to the police. I’m sure being a minor celebrity it will do his reputation the world of good.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 27/08/2018 09:33

What a horrible man! Don’t let him come crawling back. You were right to tell him to leave. I’d be reporting his violence to the cops.

PenelopeFlintstone · 27/08/2018 09:33

My first - LTB.
There are lines and he's crossed them.
Sorry for your troubles Flowers

JackietheBackie · 27/08/2018 09:33

Oh good God yes, you have done the right thing. His behaviour was awful and I would seriously consider reporting him to the police. I don't think it would necessarily end in a prosecution but it should be on record for when he (inevitably) takes it further and physically assaults someone.

Frogpond · 27/08/2018 09:34

Sending love. You did the right thing.

WilburIsSomePig · 27/08/2018 09:34

Keep him the fuck away from your kids and yourself.

He wants to come an apologise to them so he can try to worm his way back with you - do NOT let him.

Returnofthesmileybar · 27/08/2018 09:36

Do not let him near you or the children and definitely do not let him speak to them!! Why would you? so he can manipulate them, gaslight them and fuck with their heads too? Nope, not a hope. You are well rid and deserve better, just be glad you found out now before he moved in

AnotherOriginalUsername · 27/08/2018 09:36

Spitting at someone is assault. Leave him and don't look back.

Original poster
needhelpandsupport · 27/08/2018 09:37

Thank you.

I know it was unacceptable and he really has done nothing like this before- I guess there's always a first time.

I do love him and I know he will try and work his way back in with me, I just need to be strong and say no. My dc will always come first and I can't have that behaviour in their home. Stupid as it sounds I'm not bothered about me, I'm bothered that they heard it and as I said I cannot have them think that behaviour in a Relationship is ok.

OP posts:
FermatsTheorem · 27/08/2018 09:37

100% the right thing. I'm afraid you can't take him back after an incident like that. And you are absolutely right about modelling good boundaries in relationships to your children.

Flowers OP, a painful decision for you, but absolutely the right one.

Maybugger · 27/08/2018 09:37

Do you really have to ask? The next time it will be you he hits Sad

anotherangel2 · 27/08/2018 09:39

I don’t think you can have a good relationship with someone who intimidates you.

Well done for getting rid of him.

I second contacting the police for advice.

YourMilkshakeIsBetterThanMine · 27/08/2018 09:40

*I do find him very intimidating

dp then tells me I'm parenting wrong

He then picked up a vase and threw it across the room, glass was everywhere

He then got close to me and said "I'll smash your head through a wall" and spat on me*

LTB

NonaGrey · 27/08/2018 09:41

Stupid as it sounds I'm not bothered about me

You do need to be bothered about you.

You are worth more than this.

I understand that you love him, but does this behaviour indicate that he loves you? At all?

And only once is too many.

FantastikRik · 27/08/2018 09:42

What a horrible man. I complete agree with Onlyfools.

Keep yourself and your DC safe OP. Flowers

flumpybear · 27/08/2018 09:42

Surely you mean ex boyfriend - totally unacceptable

MistyReturns · 27/08/2018 09:43

He’s “intimidating”... that’s your instincts tingling. He’s been keeping himself in check because you don’t live together. If you were to move in together this latest outburst would slowly become the norm. Sadly this is how they start. You’re lucky that his mask has slipped early. I can guarantee this won’t be a one off. Nice, normal men don’t behave like this - not even once.
Please dump him now. Take back keys. Change the locks regardless and block him from every phone in the household. It’s easier to do it now. Don’t get caught in the trap.
Your parenting skills are not in question.

If you feel strong enough I would also report to the police. He may have previous form, or you may be grateful for them having background.
Best of luck Flowers

TeaForTiger · 27/08/2018 09:44

I'm not even sure what I want on here, just reassurance I've done the right thing.

Who do you care about more, this man or your children? There is your answer!

Don't let him worm his way back in, stay strong. I'd delete and block from my life, no more conversation is needed. He sounds like an animal. Spitting at you? How fucking dare he Angry

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread