Boyfriend spat on me

[needhelpandsupport]

I've name changed, regular on Mumsnet but don't want this linked to other posts.

I just need some advice and support.

Been in dp 2 years, great relationship and been very happy. I do find him very intimidating at times, he was a minor celebrity in the 90s and gets a lot of female attention, I was flattered when we got together.

I have dcs from a previous relationship and he has been great and takes them off for days out and has been great as their dad isn't interested.

Dcs are teenagers and a bit mouthy at times, last night DD refused to tidy her room, it's like a pigsty. I got into an argument with her and I ended up helping her do it (I just wanted it done). dp then tells me I'm parenting wrong and shouldn't help her and I need to take her phone away and not give it back until it's done. We then got into an argument (he doesn't have children and doesn't live with us) and I said not to tell me how to parent my children. I accept he was right at this point and rather than helping I should have dealt with it another way. It got into an argument as I felt he was judging me as a parent and I told him to get out of my house. He then picked up a vase and threw it across the room, glass was everywhere and he left.

An hour later he came back to get his things (he left his wallet) and we talked and argued again. I said I cannot have someone in my house who breaks my things whilst the dcs are in the house. He apologised. I said I still want you to leave. He then got close to me and said "I'll smash your head through a wall" and spat on me and then walked out.

He text me lasted saying he was sorry and didn't mean it and begging forgiveness.

He's never done anything like this before but I know I can't be with someone who can do that to me. I know it was in the middle of an argument but that's no excuse.My dc were upstairs and heard. I can't forgive that behaviour as it's then like telling dds that behaviour like that from a partner is acceptable and I don't want them to think that it's ok. He said he will come over and talk to dcs and explain he was wrong and apologise to them.

I've ignored messages so far. I'm not even sure what I want on here, just reassurance I've done the right thing.

Sorry for waffling

Be ready for the begging and waterworks OP and promises of never doing it again.

Keep strong

I have no other words of wisdom, but I don’t think you can be told enough times that you have done absolutely the right thing. It is so important that you hear those words and know that there are lots of people out here agreeing that you were right.

Prepare for the 352 reasons why he did these things- ignore them all. He did them because he cannot control his temper, thought threatening and assaulting you was ok and because he thought it would get you to do things his way.

Make yourself a lovely cup of tea, have a biscuit and remind yourself that you are an amazing, strong woman who has done the right thing for herself and her children. Well done.

The dirty disgusting beast spitting like a bloody camel. You do realise that is classed as assault.

There are no second chances to be had here. Now you've got rid keep rid.
You and your children deserve better.
I agree with pp who said "You shouldn't feel intimidated by your partner".

Keep strong youve done the right thing to protect you and your children. What he did was assault and it will only escalate if you tolerate it. Even if he apologises and begs by forgiving him you will just reinforce that he can get away with it so the next time he is angry he will do it again.
I know this because I spent two years in an abusive relationship and the violence started off with things like you have described.... by the end of the two years he had knocked me unconcious twice and stabbed me in the throat with a fork and ripped skin off my arm by biting me....
He has shown you how he reacts to anger... dont let him continue to show you that. Get rid.

Stupid as it sounds I'm not bothered about me, I'm bothered that they heard it and as I said I cannot have them think that behaviour in a Relationship is ok.

It's not great that they witnessed it, but NOW they are also witnessing that you're not tolerating it. You're showing them both how to respond to an aggressive and abusive partner. Hopefully your DD will never need that example but if she does it's there for her.

Keep strong and keep showing them that you will keep them safe in their home by getting rid of an aggressive man.

You love him? Why? Is it the fact that he was a minor celebrity once upon a time? How can you even LIKE someone like that? What a loser he is.

Bad enough that he throws things and smashes them (fucking drama queen and thoughtless), but spitting on you? WHat kind of filthy pig does that? And the contempt it shows... Ugh, you've absolutely done the right thing, and please don't consider taking him back. He's shown exactly who he is - the emotional continence of a toddler, and the manners of gutter trash.

You're doing the right thing-just need to stand firm now

Huuuuuuge red flags.

The vase throwing was bad enough. That alone is such a violent, dangerous thing to do. Followed by the spitting and the violent threats? Never let that man into your house again.

3.5 billion other fish. He is history. raise your standards next time and well done on not giving this jerk a second chance

one threat of violence, plus an actual assault - goodbye forever. Change locks and keep safe.