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Put it a awkward position with food policing friend

84 replies

FoodPoliceIamNot · 26/08/2018 16:56

Me, DH and our 2 DC attend a sports activity club. Overly the last year we’ve all become really friendly with a couple who also have 2 DC around the same age as ours age 12 & 9.

For context we eat really healthy at home. When we go out for food we have it as a treat and order whatever we fancy, if we fancy a pudding we have it and bloody well enjoy it.

A while back the wife asked us all out for a evening meal at a pub chain. All the kids were sat together and it got a bit awkward as our DC wanted fish & chips and the other burger and chips off the adult menu. Both her DC also wanted burger and chips but she told them they weren’t allowed that to pick something more healthy. Her dc did kick off a bit and said how unfair it was.

Myself and the wife went over to order food and drinks on separate tabs. Me and the DCs all had Diet Coke and her dc were given tap water. The kids kicked off again saying how unfair it was and started arguing with the mum.

It got a bit awkward when the food arrived I had fish and chips but they had run out of the normal sized portion so I had no option but to upgrade to the larger sized “gigantic” portion. The wife didn’t order any food for herself. No explanation was given but she made a few comments re our meals along the lines of “omg your never going to eat all of that are you, I don’t know where you put it all”

We went out again with them last weekend for food, we were invited out by the wife and she chose the restaurant. We ran into the same issues again with their dc wanting wanting what ours were having and theirs not being allowed and being forced to have healthier choices. She also called her DH disgusting for finishing his XL mixed grill but again she sat there without ordering food but commenting on everyone else’s food.

After our food we went to the bar to order some more drinks and she asked me next time we come out could I have a word with my DC and ask them to order healthier food as she does not allow hers to eat what mine eat and it’s unfair. I was a bit taken back but said sorry no I don’t police my DCs food choices as it’s a treat and I don’t expect them to order a salad when I certainly won’t be.

Me and DH have spoken to each other and realised on several occasions now with the club bbq, Xmas meal out, family picnic we’ve never once seen the wife eat. I don’t know if she’s got food issues.

I assumed this would be a end to it all but she’s asked again if we want to go out for food again next month. I’ve suggested just going for a drink as it’s awkward that we both have very different views on what our kids are / aren’t allowed, but she’s come back and said our DHs we’re discussing a restaurant we all love that her DH is drying to try so we should go there.

WWYD?

OP posts:
SpuriouserAndSpuriouser · 26/08/2018 16:59

Only see her when there’s not going to be food involved? It sounds incredibly tiresome

SpuriouserAndSpuriouser · 26/08/2018 17:02

Oops, posted too soon! I was going to say it sounds tiresome and whatever issues around food she may or may not have, she shouldn’t push them onto you. If you are going to see her again at this restaurant your DHs want, just carry on with what you are doing, refusing to change your DCs food orders to suit her.

FuckyDuzz · 26/08/2018 17:03

Yeah no I wouldn’t be eating with them again

What does she do while you’re all eating? Just sit there and watch you? Confused

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OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 26/08/2018 17:04

I'd avoid. Not your job to police her DC or dh. And it does sound like she has some issues with food.

Fluffycloudland77 · 26/08/2018 17:05

Oh I'd say no to that straight away. I have a cows milk allergy and I don't expect dh to boycott it too.

Do you think she has anorexia? It must be such a miserable life to never have a treat.

ShovingLeopard · 26/08/2018 17:06

Yes, she has food issues.

Just carry on the way you are. You told her you would not be policing your DC's choices, and she has subsequently asked you out again, so you can assume she is happy about it. If she isn't, it's just tough shit for her, isn't it.

I bet once her DC are off the leash they have no restraint when it comes to food.

JennyOnAPlate · 26/08/2018 17:06

I wouldn't go. I don't think it's healthy for your dc to listen to her comments on their diet and portion size.

ShapelyBingoWing · 26/08/2018 17:06

If that's the only issue in the friendship, I'd probably go. But I'd make it very clear beforehand that your DC will again be allowed to choose what they like. And I might also ask if she'll actually be eating anything. In fact, if you do choose not to go, I'd be tempted to use that as part of the reason. It's very odd.

feesh · 26/08/2018 17:08

The food thing would really annoy me, but I can see her POV with regards to fizzy drinks as mine wouldn’t be allowed them in that situation and would probably have a whine about it. But my eldest is only 5, so I might be more relaxed if they’re older.

How old are your kids? And are any of you overweight? I’m wondering if she’s making passive aggressive bitchy digs at your weight in doing this. Or maybe she just has issues with food. If it’s the former, I would probably avoid them altogether, but if the latter I’d probably just avoid eating with them.

Heatherjayne1972 · 26/08/2018 17:09

It’s odd but her children complaining isn’t your problem
Go out with them and eat what you like - ignore the comments
I would.

HolyMountain · 26/08/2018 17:10

After the last two occasions ofceating with her eating nothing, their children getting annoyed at not being able to chose freely and her then asking you to interfere with your childrens’ choices , no way would I go with them again.

GinnyWreckin · 26/08/2018 17:10

Sounds like she has eating disorder and virtue signaling thrown in.

Meet her if you must somewhere other than food related things.

Drop her if she’s being weird to your kids about their food choices. As you say you eat healthily at home.

She has the problem not you.

FWIW I know several marathon and triathletes who order the most creamy food when out (and wine) as they have strict diets of protein, slow release carbs when training, and they certainly see going out and ordering, once in a month, pudding as a treat. They’re all amazingly fit and eating rich foods once in a while is good for them..

Your “friend” sounds more trouble than she worth, and to me she sounds like she’s anorexic or something. The danger is that your kids are being chastised.

I find food police the most boring people. They’re really fucked up!
Keep your kids away from her!

HemanOrSheRa · 26/08/2018 17:11

How odd. Do you have a good night out regardless of her attitude around food? Do the DC's? If so, then I would still go and carry on as you are - as a normal person eating out Grin. You've explained why you won't and don't police your dc's food choices.

MurunBuchstansagur · 26/08/2018 17:11

She’s a nutter. Her food issues aren’t your problem. Tell her thanks but no thanks.

HolyMountain · 26/08/2018 17:11

*meeting

itswinetime · 26/08/2018 17:11

You have told her you won't be changing what your dc eat so it depends if the rest of the evening is fun or not? If it is I'd go again but if she starts up commenting ect I would be clear and say we obviously have very different views re eating out so probably best we do another activity in the future.

FoodPoliceIamNot · 26/08/2018 17:12

What does she do while you’re all eating? Just sit there and watch you?

Yes, sits watches and passes comment.

Do I think she has anorexia?

I honestly hate judging people like this as I have been the big girl and have been criticised and I’ve lost a lot of weight and now get criticised for being smaller end of the scale. But it is possible she is pretty tiny.

OP posts:
AFistfulofDolores1 · 26/08/2018 17:12

She's got an eating disorder, and it's not your responsibility to manage her or her expectations of you.

Pippylou · 26/08/2018 17:13

Nothing is more miserable than eating with people commenting on your food. I'd avoid it personally. I don't eat out often but if I do, it's a treat and I don't want a mincy portion, etc.

stressedtiredbuthappy · 26/08/2018 17:14

No, we don't want to come out with you, you've seriously got food issues, fuck off and leave us to enjoy a treat in peace.
That's what I'd say.

SummerStrong · 26/08/2018 17:14

Nope, I'd not be eating with them again.

She's very rude.

LeftRightCentre · 26/08/2018 17:17

Wouldn't meet her for food again and I'd tell her straight. 'Sorry but we don't feel comfortable dining out with you. We see it as a treat and order accordingly. We don't appreciate comments about our food choices and it seems to upset your children as I won't police what mine order, don't want them hearing negative comments about their food choices so it's best we don't meet for food anymore.'

Just be honest! She's eating disordered.

And well done to you for telling her NO to her silly request.

feesh · 26/08/2018 17:17

Is it just me that thinks a burger is not particularly unhealthy anyway (as part of a balanced diet), especially for growing kids?

It’s sugary crap that’s bad for them!

FoodPoliceIamNot · 26/08/2018 17:17

My DC are 12 & 9, here are 13 & 9.

No, my dc are borderline underweight. DH is very active muscular but slim. I am short but have a lowish BMI that Rangers between 19-19.5 (previously I was bmi of 35+) but we didn’t know them back then. Hence why I can eat quite big portions when I’m out. I just eat less at home IYSWIM

OP posts:
LusaCole · 26/08/2018 17:21

Agree with everyone else - you're not in the wrong here. If you accept the latest invitation, be upfront and remind her of what you've already said (that you don't intend to police your DC's menu choices) and ask if she still wants to go. Then ignore her comments!

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