How much notice would your parents need for an overnight visit?

[papayasareyum]

my Mum is healthy, independent, early eighties. My siblings live around the corner and regularly pop in with their kids for the day, without notice (or very little)
I’ve tried to arrange a visit overnight this weekend (she lives 300 miles away) and asked if she was doing anything. She said no. My sister phoned me later to say mum was panicking about the short notice and we couldn’t come. I asked if she had other plans. Nope. She’s not doing anything. It’s just “short notice” (caused by waiting for eldest daughter’s new work shifts to be announced as she’s on zero hours contract summer job)
She’s always complaining about us living far away, unlike my other siblings in the same town who see her daily. Is 3 days notice really rude of me? She’s my Mum! And it’s only overnight and I always take her out for food when we go so it doesn’t incur any expense.

Mine too!

I think you just have to try and accept it and get on with it as best you can.

Bizarrely she is lovely to my kids, and also is kind and thoughtful towards my DH. It really is just me!

Mum doesn't like overnight visitors now, so wouldn't happen.
She also won't come to us even if a door to door lift is provided.
So we stay in a hotel and visit for an afternoon a few times a year.
DB lives nearby and pops in most days. She complains to me about that too.

op even though mine live local my DM would be the same and she is very fit 70yr old

she is so set in her ways,always supermarket on a tuesday morning with out fail and lots of similar things,she likes to portray a perfect live and always has (were not close)i often envy women that are close to their mum but accept thats not gonna happen

just do your family thing this weekend and if she mentions it tell her why

seems like their are a few of us with a mum relationship to those that feel a little sad about their mum relationship

For me alone, I could just turn up. For me, oh and dc, well, we wouldn't all fit but we could working something out and I'd expect to give her a couple of days notice and she'd be fine.

flopsy

Pretty much none for any of my family. If I lived closer we are a just pop in lot only a phone call if you wanted to check they were in but not necessary. In laws as long as possible. So much so we have stopped staying with PiL as MiL just can't cope

If be delighted if my adult DC just turned up!

Dp's mum gets very anxious when he visits but is fine with his sister, I guess it's just different relationships. She's got suspected dementia and has got more anxious about visits as she's got older and is only late 70s. Lots of people don't like unexpected interruptions to routine even if they are family I can see me being like this

My mum wouldn't need any notice at all TBH as long as she was free.

I'd make up the beds with her, and we would go out ot eat and pick up food for breakfast on the way home

My Dad - no notice at all
My Mum - is very anxious so she’d get a bit flustered but it would be fine if a day or two before. My mum does plan her days out in advance and isn’t great at flexing them. But 3 days would be plenty.

It sounds like she enjoys one kind of visit - the informal dropping round during the day - but doesn't like 2 or 3 days with someone staying over. In her 80s, she's possibly got quite a set routine and someone staying in her house puts her off-kilter in a way that a daytime visit doesn't

This

Agree with pp go and stay at a cheap hotel and see other family. Hope you still get on with your sisters?

None .My parents have always made it clear I am welcome at any time
I have the same policy for them and my siblings

I wouldn't need to give any notice. In fact I could turn up now and she'd say "why don't you stay over?"

It is how I grew up, with people always popping in, and my mum and dad could cater for anyone. In fact one Christmas Eve they made friends with some people in the pub and invited them back to ours for another drink, then when we did our traditional round of opening one small present each my mum actually HAD little presents ready and wrapped... for these people she'd not met until that evening!! She'd just prepared some in advance "just in case"

My parents require no notice and even if they had a houseful, they would squeeze me/us in. I would probably let them know however as they do have a busy working & social life and would stop everything to spend time with us.

Most people don’t require notice (my parents wouldn’t) however your mum does. Your siblings come round all the time so she comfortable with that dynamic. You live away so it requires more mental effort and preparation. I have a friend a bit like this, she has an anxiety disorder.

We could just turn up at the door and she wouldn't mind. And vice versa.

They would be fine with my just turning up - only a matter of making up a bed, really, which I could do myself. They're in their mid-70s; health not fantastic but they muddle along.

I hate anyone just turning up. I dislike spontaneity generally though (and no i don't have any MH problems). We do usually have things planned for most days and I dislike having to change them just because someone else has decided to visit on a whim. I also prefer to enjoy the anticipation of s visit and have plently of food in, make the house nice etc...

My mum and (step) Dad are 65 and 71, live in Norwich I’m In central Scotland. They like us to visit but I have 4 kids and step dad not really into kids. Used to go for 2 weeks but only go for a week now as I found they don’t cope with more than that. Both very set in their ways and a bit controlling. House also isn’t really set up for kids, although mine are getting older so not so much an issue now.

I can’t imagine what they’ll be like in ten years time, they’ve been looking st houses locally to my sister (40 mins from me) so not sure how that’ll work but will be nice to have them closer, just need to respect their space & privacy as they’re not used to us ‘popping’ over.

Maybe a weeks notice or more but I would be hurt if I were you, and your sister had to tell you she wasn’t happy. Can you afford to stay elsewhere? It’s hard when the rest of the family are there and she won’t even allow you to come with a few days notice but as my folks get older they are becoming much more stuck in their ways and stubborn, so I’m not sure how they’ll be as they get older.

That's so strange sorry op! I think you should go book à travelodge go see other family and if she then calls say its short notice. That's piss taking considering your other siblings go on a daily basis.

My mum is very local And I could turn up on the doorstep without announcing it and she would be fine to have me stay.
My in laws live further away and weekends stay needs more negotiation, but that’s because us arriving for the weekend feels like a big event and they like to stock up on posh food and plan stuff whereas at my mums I just get what’s in the fridge and it’s no big deal because I’m always there anyway.
She probably wants to make your stay special because it isn’t everyday and that’s why she’s fussing about not having enough time.

My mum, if I still spoke to her, wouldn't require any notice, my dad would worry about the house being clean enough.
Fil wouldn't need any notice, mil would need at least a month's notice and her whole family are not ones that you could pop round for a cuppa without at least a days notice.

My DC will be welcome whenever without any notice, I am their mother of course even if I didn't have room I'd make room.

My parents didn't need any notice, and sometimes took in people at the last minute who were stranded for some reason. The airing cupboard was always full of clean bedding and the freezer and larder could feed dozens of people without blinking.

I'm the same with my adult children. They usually give me notice of a day or two, but are welcome to turn up, alone or with friends, and we'll fit everyone in somehow.