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Original poster

Heartbroken. My child is suicidal, anyone have advice/experience?

58 replies

QueenArseClangers · 23/08/2018 19:38

DS is very ill. After a suicide attempt a few days ago it’s been decided he’d be better as an inpatient at a CAMHS unit.

Has anyone got any advice please? My poor, poor baby boy.

OP posts:
BrutusMcDogface · 23/08/2018 19:40

Oh Queen, I'm so, so sorry. Nothing useful to add I'm afraid but sending Flowers

I hope someone knowledgeable comes along soon. Sad

ShackUp · 23/08/2018 19:43

Handhold Thanks

SavageBeauty73 · 23/08/2018 19:44

No advice but sending love and strength. My DD (16) suffers chronic anxiety and been referred to CAHMS.

DorothyGarrod · 23/08/2018 19:44

I’m so sorry. How old is he? Hopefully the professionals can help him now.

LadyPenelope68 · 23/08/2018 19:45

I’ve no advice to offer I’m afraid, but didn’t want to read and run. Sending you 💐. How old is your son?

TheFaerieQueene · 23/08/2018 19:46

I’m so sorry. It is something that all parents dread. I hope he is getting all the support he needs and you are too.

BarryTheKestrel · 23/08/2018 19:49

I have been that child.

OP the best thing you can do is be there, be supportive and loving but don't try to fix it. When it's got to this stage, no matter how much you want to, nothing you can do can fix it. It needs time and professional help.

My DM really struggled that she couldn't fix the problem and I ended up making a lot of my issues in order to make her feel better, which screwed me up more.

13 years on I'm still here. I'm in a much much better place and although I have my poor mental health moments, I can cope. There is hope out there.

Just stick by him OP. He needs love and support now more than anything else. Flowers

HesterMacaulay · 23/08/2018 19:54

No advice Queen but sending virtual support through the ether.
My dd has extreme anxiety and so I may know some of the emotions you are experiencing. She self harms and the feeling of devastation, heartbreak, fear and helplessness I experience is overwhelming. But of course you can't show you are overwhelmed .

Do you trust the professionals working with your precious boy? Do you have support for you and your feelings? Flowers

Jammiebammie · 23/08/2018 19:57

Thinking of you and your boy Flowers

Can I ask how old he is? My middle dc is seeing cahms for suicidal intention and self harm, it really is heartbreaking.

If you need to chat feel free to pm me.

TAmum123 · 23/08/2018 20:02

Dd has been an in patient at an adolescent mental health unit 4 times - 2 of those admissions lasted 6 months each. She was also very ill - suicidal, serious self harm, borderline anorexic, extreme anxiety, violent towards us. It was very traumatic. She had to be admitted for her own safety and for ours - she had no intention of keeping herself safe and told them so quite openly. All the admissions happened via a&e and then assessment by the on duty camhs officer.

Do you have any idea what has lead to him feeling this way? Dd was diagnosed with adhd and ASD at age 14 and could not come to terms with it at all, causing her already poor mental health to massively deteriorate. She is 17 now and doing much better but the last 2/3 years have been unbelievably challenging.

Has he just been admitted? The first few days are very hard. After that, there should be a meeting with the consultant and other staff to work out a way forward. I found dd’s first time extremely difficult and felt we had failed her..... things got so much worse that her other admissions were accompanied by a sense of relief that she was in a safe place and we could draw breath and spend a little time with her neglected siblings. She came to view it as a safe place too - her last admission she knew she could not cope anymore and needed to be readmitted.

There are very few beds and camhs only admit patients when they think there is no other choice - your ds is in a safe place with people who can and will help him.

Sending hugs - I know how you are feeling and how hard it is. Dd has been in 3 different units, all in the south east. Feel free to pm me if it would help. Xxx

AtleastitsnotMonday · 23/08/2018 20:02

It’s horrible for both your son and family but take the help being offered. He will be in the hands of people who can help and will keep him safe. Use this time to allow yourself some time to breathe and gain strength and knowledge to help him once he is discharged. It will be a hugely difficult time for you both, but positives will come from it.
I spent time in an eating disorders unit and not only did it save my life but also taught me hugely valuable coping mechanisms and as a bonus I met one of my best friends there.

Original poster
QueenArseClangers · 23/08/2018 20:06

He’s 17. It’s so surreal.

OP posts:
AnnieKenney · 23/08/2018 20:07

One of my closest friends has been going through this for the past six years. Its awful and my heart goes out to you. Painful (apologies for the sheer inadequacy of that word) though it is, keeping open channels of commumication is key and encouraging actions that even though not solving the problem, at least dont make it wosre (eating, sleeping, fresh air, socialising if possible etc) Flowers

AnnieKenney · 23/08/2018 20:10

Oh yeah - dont neglect yourself. You need strength to deal with this so make sure you have outlets for your feelings. I hope I am that for my friend - if you dont have someone IRL get professional support - you need and deserve it.

Original poster
QueenArseClangers · 23/08/2018 20:12

He’s been depressed for a while and been seeing CAMHS as an outpatient for a couple of years on and off. He was prescribed antidepressants which, after using for only about 6 weeks, used to overdose on.
I’m aware of self harm risk with young people who are on sertraline but he said he’s been feeling this way for a long time.

He has been under the home visiting adult team with daily visits this week but he feels it’s not working hence the move toward being admitted tomorrow.

I wonder about adhd too as I’m being investigated as an adult into having it.

OP posts:
Original poster
QueenArseClangers · 23/08/2018 20:13

I just want to be able to pick him up in my arms like I could when he was tiny.

OP posts:
AtleastitsnotMonday · 23/08/2018 20:20

Do you know which unit he will go to.? Unfortunately if a bed is not available locally they can sometimes be admitted a long way from home.

yikesanotherbooboo · 23/08/2018 20:24

Poor you and poor DS.my experience ( acquaintances)would be that although these units appear to be rather daunting and scary; full of seriously ill teens who have got up to all sorts and have a variety of potentially serious illnesses they are staffed by highly motivated experts and can provide really therapeutic communities so don't despair.

HesterMacaulay · 23/08/2018 20:36

I don't know if you saw an incredible video on the BBC website from a mother of a young woman with complex mental health problems. It doesn't offer solutions but she expresses her feelings so clearly and she is ultimately optimistic. Her words resonated so strongly for me.
It sometimes really helps to see and hear from someone in similar circumstances. It can give you a sense of not being alone and of not being completely out of sync with the rest of the world which i often feel.
I realise that now might not be the right time for you Queen but it's here if you feel you might want to watch it. It made me sob my heart out. Partly for her and her daughter. Partly for my DD and what we're going through . But it was one of those times when you feel you have permission just to cry. And that was good.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/stories-45023283/they-deserve-life-to-be-happy-caring-for-a-child-with-mental-health-issues

Original poster
QueenArseClangers · 23/08/2018 20:39

You’re all so kind and it’s making me do proper ugly crying.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 23/08/2018 20:40

Marking place to watch that video later

All the best, op. I feel for you. Please seek support for your own self x

frustratedashell · 23/08/2018 20:48

My daughter tried to commit suicide when she was 15. It was hell. She did get referred to Camhs, but it was a long and rocky road. She's now 27 and was diagnosed last year with bipolar.

Just be there for her, and as anyfucker said, get support for yourself. Thinking of you

lola212121 · 23/08/2018 20:57

You guys are lovely people . Stay close to your children . Kiss them ,cuddle them , support them , tell them you love them every day .
I had nobody holding me up at the hospital when I tried to commit suicide apart from a lady who worked at my refuge at 16 .Becoming pregnant saved me from death but in my thirties I'm still fighting with no support from family /friends .
Support is so special and it will make a huge difference . The battle is her own but the support will help her overcome the battle . Hoping for you all xx

HesterMacaulay · 23/08/2018 21:04

Iola I can't bear thinking of you with no support.
I have absolutely no doubt that you are an amazing mum and will be able to give the support you should have received Flowers

Mrsr8 · 23/08/2018 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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