So embarrassed - too fat for Alton towers

[Anchovies12]

So we booked a couple of days at alton towers with our 3dcs and the first ride I tried to go on (galactica) the overhead restraint wouldn't lock into place and to my absolute horror I had to leave the ride in front of everyone.

Clearly got no one to blame other than myself but a combination of teaching full time, taking venlafaxine for depression and attempting to "stop dieting" has meant a horrendous diet, zero exercise and a weight gain of about 5 stone.

What do I do? I don't want to diet as I am convinced that the diet/binge cycle is not good for me - the minute I feel deprived in any way I feel sorry for myself and can only think about the scales and eating. Yet there is no way I can exercise enough to compensate for what i eat.

Am sat here on my own in alton towers feeling pretty hideous. Haven't let on to my dh/dcs how bad I feel, have just waved them onto every ride while inside I am dying of shame

I also second Rebelfit. It’s actually a very supportive place with lots of group encouragement.

But first of all, please do see about the meds. You have to ensure these are in place first and then look at what reasonable changes you can make.

you can’t view a diet as something that has a start and a finish date at which point you revert back to your previous eating habits. It is an ongoing

^^ This a million times. Don't diet. Make permanent changes to your eating habits.

just sending you can do this, try calorie counting using my fitness pal

I would have a look into RH fitness (they have a fb page and website) it’s 4.99 a month and I steadily lost 2lbs most weeks until I met my target (4st off in total). It’s the only plan I’ve ever stuck to, but I think that’s because you are eating so much on it, I started on 2000 calories a day and actually struggled to fill that with healthy food! Your calories reduce as you lose weight but even now I’m eating more calories a day than I ever was when I was doing my fitness pal/slimming world etc

And Mrs Pear - you're disgusting. You may be slim and think you're wonderful, but your smugness is far more unattractive than anyone's weight could be.

That's truth for you.

If you want to lose weight you have to diet. Diet is 80% of weight loss and exercise is 20%, so even if you start vigorously exercising, unless you change your eating habits you will not lose weight.

Try not to think of it as a diet but as others have said, a lifestyle change. My fitness pal is a very good resource. Also good for looking at your macros too to make sure you're eating enough protein and not just loading up on carbs. Or, if you don't fancy calorie counting (can be a ballache), try slimming world.

Good luck OP

Mrs Pear - to be clear I said I feel deprived. Obviously I know I'm not actually being deprived!

I think you need a better shrink to work out why you are so fat. And it is not being nasty and speaking the truth. I actually think this is being quite nasty. The "shrink" I am going back to see got me through some horrendous depression. I didn't see him about my weight and don't intend to. There's not much point, I'm not stupid - I know exactly why I'm this fat.

That sounds really tough, I have been in similar situations. I have had a lot of success reading the book Brain over binge and also listening to podcasts. Brilliant ones are half size me and losing 100 pounds, they are really about the mental side of losing weight. I have tried to stop "dieting". For my entire life I've lost and regained weight, I usually gain more than I lose each time. I'm like you as well, I don't eat junk food but I overate consistently and drank too much wine.

It is hard but maybe this the the motivation you need for that turning point.

Lots of great suggestions here. Mine is the No S diet. More of old fashioned eating habits rather than too much counting or restricting specific things.

Look at all the options, choose one and start. You will feel so much better about it this time next week when you see the scales move.

Oh OP, that must have been mortifying for you. You won’t be the only person it has happened to; it’s probably a daily event at theme parks.

Do speak to either your doctor or psychiatrist about changing your medication. I was on venlafaxine years ago and it had the opposite effect (I lose loads of weight and was classed as anorexic) so it definitely does alter the way we eat. It is awful to come off but it could be that trying something else would work better for you to work alongside your plans to lose weight. CBT is a really good suggestion and also asking your GP to do a full blood test check to make sure there isn’t anything underlying that is causing your weight.

Good luck.

Okay, so this is not for everyone but whenever I feel my cravings getting a bit out of control I put myself on a juice diet for 4-7 days. It really teaches me to discern between pure gluttony and genuine hunger. It also makes me realise that three square meals and munching on veggies is more than adequate.

There are some people on this thread who should be dying of shame but the op isn't one of them. for you Anchovies, no advice but at least weight is fixable whereas having a soul cold and twisted enough to write some of these replies is probably a lifelong affliction.

☹️ I really feel for you depression life kids weight gain just happens but yes this may be the lightbulb moment you needed xxx we go there this weekend and I haven’t stopped thinking omg what if I don’t fit in 😐 can I ask what you weigh so I’ve got a rough idea on whether I can avoid it if need be of course refuse to say if you don’t want to say

Thinking of you hun don’t be too hard on yourself it’s done now and you know you have to make a change onwards and downwards from today x

If you're seeing your psychiatrist about your AD's (which do make you hungry) ask for a referral to a Dietitian or your local weight management programme. Contrary to popular MN belief we don't do "diets" anymore. They can help with mindful eating/calorie deficit/reduced carbs/emotional eating/etc.

Oh wow op I just want to give you a hug!! I've been where you are, on a kid's ride with my ds. It's a horrible feeling. Not helped by the fact that the judgy pants are out in force letting you know that you deserve everything you get because how dare you gain weight.
Firstly, excessive weight gain is often a sign of unhappiness so the pp who said you don't need counselling is an idiot. You need to make time to work out how you can be kind to and nurture yourself and deal with your feelings without eating them.
Then sit down and decide what you are going to do about your diet, some good advice on here so I won't try to compete. Just go for slow and steady, real sustainable changes rather than quick fixes.
Whatever you choose to do good luck, make this day 1 of a new start.
Sending

Remember when looking at dietary changes you could make to also look at alcohol intake - as far as I can see nobody has mentioned this yet. The drinking culture in Britain is appalling and alcohol is essentially empty calories.

Wishing you the very best of luck.

You don't need to diet. You need a healthy lifestyle! If you can, join Slimming World to start you off. It works but you'll learn about the plan more along the way about what's good and what's not good for you.

Forgot to add, I'm on a 16:8 thread in weight loss chat which I'm enjoying. Maybe join this or one of the other chatty/accountability groups on here? It might help you to stay focussed.

Holy crap, someone posts about the very real effects of the binge/diet cycle, and the way it negatively affects their mental health, and the overwhelming response is just focus on food more, move more, just get over it, you aren't dieting hard enough! I'm surprised someone hasn't suggested the op should just 'man up'.

There have been several studies that show yo yo dieting to be very unhealthy and with each diet 'failure' most people actually end up getting fatter than they started at (it increases the set point weight).
Also to the poster who suggested WW or slimming world, they are some of the worst. Not feeling restricted on these plans my fat arse!

The chances of losing weight through dieting has something like a 5% success rate (of losing 10lbs or more) and at the 5 year mark that drops to 1%, if that. The only people I know who have successfully kept the weight off have done so by making food restriction and exercise their main focus in life. They become slimming group leaders or personal trainers or spend a good portion of their life at the gym and so on.

OP I would suggest you consider a completely different approach. Firstly your mental health is as important as your physical health, depression is a very real illness and you absolutely should focus on ways to help you deal with it. I personally found a course of CBT (through the NHS) and then daily mindfulness meditation has helped me into recovery from depression and anxiety after 14yrs of suffering.

Then for the eating and body side of things maybe you could consider reading the book Intuitive eating by Evelyn Tribole or Health at every size or Virgie Tovar's books or Jes Baker's books (love her). There are so many people writing and talking about this issue.

I know it's shit not being able to fit on the rides, I really do but maybe these suggestions to diet aren't the answer. I know for me my life was mostly dieting, I was bordering on an eating disorder. I had tried to just not eat for several days at a time, tried to throw up after binges and so many other disordered behaviours. I might still be fat but I am so much happier, food is not the sole focus of my life any more and it becomes less important every single day. I eat better than I ever did and it all comes from the right place. I only discovered all this 2 years ago but in that time I have healed so much and I haven't gained weight.

Fear and shame are not the way to make lasting changes that actually improve your life. I'm just sorry so much of this post is about my personal story but I felt your thread needed a different answer to the usual bullshit eat less, exercise more and just shame yourself thin. Good luck Anchovies12!

*There are some people on this thread who should be dying of shame but the op isn't one of them.  for you Anchovies, no advice but at least weight is fixable whereas having a soul cold and twisted enough to write some of these replies is probably a lifelong affliction.

@frogsoup*

Well said!!

It is good that you are resolved to do something about this as not only must it make you feel bad (and embarrassed) but you must struggle with being active and doing normal stuff with your kids depending on how overweight you are.

Firstly overeating and eating the wrong stuff goes hand in hand with depression sometimes so don't beat yourself up too much but obviously it is a vicious circle. You feel bad so you overeat or eat the wrong stuff then the feelings of guilt and health issues relating to the overeating get worse and you eat to combat those and make you feel better.

I would suggest three things. Firstly visit your doctor to get their support and see if the AD medication could be contributing to this. Secondly join slimming world, weight watchers or some other support group. It is difficult to do this alone. Thirdly make small lifestyle changes and recruit your family to support you. Cut back on buying unhealthy food. use a smaller plate to cut down on portion sizes and up your exercise.

Anchovies I’m big myself, and totally understand and sympathise.
For a few years now, I’ve avoided most theme park rides by claiming I’m scared. Truth is I’m too bloody fat.
I can top you when it comes to humiliating moments though. My fold up chair collapsed in school assembly in front of about 120 kids, plus staff and parents.
What size are you, if you don’t mind me asking? Not saying you’re not overweight, but could it be that it was big boobs preventing the harness fitting?

Thanks to all the lovely posters that have got the balance of sympathy and straight talking exactly right. It's what I need.

My GP wants me to come off the venlafaxine as my blood pressure is also borderline (although I suspect that my bp is related to my weight.) I have already got a referral to "choose to change", my first appointment is next Tuesday. To be honest I wasn't going to go (head in the sand and stupid fear of dieting) but I think that I now know it's not optional anymore. As horrible as this couple of days have been I know now how much something needs to change.

@Anchovies12 sometimes something does need to kick our backsides. Think of losing weight as a journey. There's no right way to do it. It's finding what works for you. If you need someone to chat to feel free to pm me x

It must have felt really embarrassing but please don't feel like it says anything about you as a person. While going through life you've taken in more energy than your body has used that's all. It's not some awful sin. It is difficult losing weight because your body is an efficient survival machine that clings onto it's energy stores for times of food shortage. I'm sure you know plenty of intelligent, kind, accomplished people that find weight loss difficult and that's because it is. People do get there though and I'm sure you can too.