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Original poster

“I’d have got less for life”

105 replies

Randomnumbers7483 · 22/08/2018 14:23

Can I ask you please, when you hear a couple, or more specifically the man in the couple, referring to their wedding anniversary and using this phrase “Been married 20 years now - I’d have got less for life!”, what do you interpret that as meaning?

Am having a “debate” with DH over this and we have very different understanding and interpretations of this saying. Am trying to understand which of us is correct.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 22/08/2018 15:08

Maybe just know your audiences better then? I don't see why people say this to other people. It isn't amusing and that's clear from the defensive posts. If it's so funny keep it between you and your spouse and don't drag other people into your nonsense.

Sense of humour is very subjective. Just because people don't think your (general) comment is joke-like doesn't mean they don't have one, just that they don't share yours.

Iwantaunicorn · 22/08/2018 15:14

It's an unfunny, light-heaarted quip. But next time I hear it, I'll be sure to immediately judge the person saying it as a smug, humorless, boring, unloveable fucker with no personality.

That’s me told then! I say it as a joke sometimes to my dh, generally when we’re having a giggle and he’s said something cheeky. Very happily married, not smug, probably boring, but very loveable to my dh.

Eliza9917 · 22/08/2018 15:17

Ohyesiam Wed 22-Aug-18 14:26:28
It means
If I’d have murdered someone instead of getting married, I’d have finished my custodial sentence and be free now. Instead I am still married with no freedom in sight. I want freedom.

That's what it means/implies, but IMO its meant as a joke.

slashlover · 22/08/2018 15:18

My mum and dad both say it, usually on their anniversary (42 years).

I just take it as another of their terrible jokes.

How long are you going to be?
5ft 10.

Are you alright?
No, I'm half left.

etc.

SirGawain · 22/08/2018 15:20

It’s an old joke which has got rather hackneyed. Not that funny really but not meant to be offensive . Lighten up, you are overthinking this.

HollyGibney · 22/08/2018 15:23

Without fail, every man I have heard utter this "joke" has been a complete twerp with a deeply Try Hard yet unfunny sense of humour. I've observed that in general their public interactions with their wife are dismissive, often piss taking and sneery and done loudly for the benefit of those around them.

I've never heard a woman say it.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 22/08/2018 15:24

It's not an issue if you say it to your spouse, is it? I'm talking about the people who say it to almost complete strangers, it makes me cringe. I don't want to be drawn in. That's what I mean - know your audience.

I don't talk about my marriage or what I say to my husband, it's private. I don't care what other people do or say to theirs - just don't involve me in it.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 22/08/2018 15:25

I think context does matter. Yes, it is generally used as a joke but sometimes, especially if you know the couple aren't particularly happy, there's an undercurrent of truth to it.

I don't like it, any more than I like being called "the ball and chain" (DH only tried that one once) - and I very boringly point out the stats that show married men tend to live longer than single men.

Sick of the ingrained cultural misogyny that makes it ok to mock the wife as somehow having "trapped" her husband into a lifetime of misery and non-freedom.

Bluesmartiesarebest · 22/08/2018 15:27

I know someone who says it about his ex because he’s still paying spousal maintenance twenty years after the divorce. I can’t say I blame him.

prettygreywalls · 22/08/2018 15:29

It's one of those jokes on par with the old sit coms in the 70s and 80s they trot out this type of one liner supposing it to be funny but it's so past it's sell by date it's pathetic

I personally wouldn't think anything was meant by it other than the person who said trying to be funny but they were sadly stuck in a time warp

Nodnol · 22/08/2018 15:42

My husband and I like to say “You’ve ruined me you have.” As a joke.

Saw this years ago on wife swap, the bloke was so dejected and comes out with that to the wife. He was no catch himself.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 22/08/2018 15:42

Tends to be humorously quoted on milestone wedding anniversaries, alternative version "If I'd committed murder I'd be out by now!" Signifies a solid and happy marriage that has known the usual trials and tribulations.

Seeingadistance · 22/08/2018 15:48

It's a tired old joke, which was never funny.

I wouldn't waste any time thinking about it, but as you do seem to be concerned about it - comparing married life to a prison sentence is not intended as a compliment to the spouse.

Original poster
Randomnumbers7483 · 22/08/2018 15:53

No, DH has never said it to me. We heard someone say it and I commented that it was rude and derogatory a thing to say about his wife and DH was completely confused and said he was “obviously” joking. We then had an argument as I asked rd how it is funny to liken your marriage to a prison sentence? Neither of us can see the other persons point of view and he is refusing to accept that I think it is a horrible thing for this man to have said.

OP posts:
GoneWishing · 22/08/2018 15:55

I'd take as a bad attempt at joke, and judge the person saying it unfunny and tiresome, and feel a bit sorry for their other half (whether there's any reason really, or not).

Reminds me of my late uncle, who always introduced his very long-suffering wife as his "first wife". Ha. Ha. Ha.

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 22/08/2018 15:56

When will people stop being so bloody easily offended? FFS.

Original poster
Randomnumbers7483 · 22/08/2018 15:58

I think Thumbwitchesabroad explains it very well - that is how I see it and why it has upset me so much. I was very upset and frustrated that DH couldn’t see my point as it made him part of this culture of casually accepting a woman being spoken of like this.

OP posts:
YeTalkShiteHen · 22/08/2018 15:59

Meh, I can’t get worked up about it tbh.

The day I got married to my XH, my godfather and godmother were chatting to me at the reception and he said “43 years happily married, she’s happy and I’m married! Marriage is based on trust and understanding, she doesn’t trust me and I don’t understand her!” Out of context it makes him sound like a bit of a dick, but actually they were deeply in love, one of those couples that gives the rest of us hope!

YeTalkShiteHen · 22/08/2018 16:00

Randomnumbers7483 but it’s not just women being spoken about like that, it’s a unisex joke?

Original poster
Randomnumbers7483 · 22/08/2018 16:01

Because Whatatimetobealive - your experiences through life are very different to mine. I may find things offensive because of my upbringing or my beliefs - it doesn’t make me wrong or easily offended - it just means I am offended by different things to you.

OP posts:
toomanychilder · 22/08/2018 16:02

Right - so would you take it as meaning he is happily married and having a joke or that he regrets getting married and sees it as a punishment and having ruined his life?

Depends on how its said, of course. I don't think its a misogynistic thing, I've said it about DH and I've heard other women say it about men more than the other way around. It's just a (lame) joke, it doesn't mean anything. Unless it does, and that should be easy enough to tell.

Original poster
Randomnumbers7483 · 22/08/2018 16:03

Yetalkshitehen - I do understand that now from peoples comments here - I have personally only ever heard it referring to a wife - hence my reaction to it.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 22/08/2018 16:03

I agree with you Randomnumbers. I think we might be called a 'brigade' in a minute too, being so 'easily offended' and all...

FullMetalRabbit · 22/08/2018 16:03

I asked for a medal on my silver wedding

I didn't get one though Grin

still married

bigbluebus · 22/08/2018 16:06

Maybe this is a generation thing. I've said it to others about me and DH in front of him and I've heard others say it too. We've been married 30 years next month! It's meant to be a joke.