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Original poster

“I’d have got less for life”

105 replies

Randomnumbers7483 · 22/08/2018 14:23

Can I ask you please, when you hear a couple, or more specifically the man in the couple, referring to their wedding anniversary and using this phrase “Been married 20 years now - I’d have got less for life!”, what do you interpret that as meaning?

Am having a “debate” with DH over this and we have very different understanding and interpretations of this saying. Am trying to understand which of us is correct.

OP posts:
PrefabSprouts · 22/08/2018 14:36

Right - so would you take it as meaning he is happily married and having a joke or that he regrets getting married and sees it as a punishment and having ruined his life?

It's always been said as a joke in my experience, I don't think anyone who says it actually feels stuck/trapped or see their marriage as a punishment. I would think they're happily married and can gently take the piss out of themselves/each other comfortably.

Omgineedanamechange · 22/08/2018 14:38

Its a joke, I say it, and I’m very happily married.

DemocracyDiesInDarkness · 22/08/2018 14:38

Well it depends on context.

People in a happy relationship will say it as a joke without even thinking. People who aren't happy won't be able to say it with quite such ease.

Astrid2 · 22/08/2018 14:40

Think it's just an old fashioned joke men would tell about marriage being like prison? Like the old ball and chain?

Don't think many would use it to mean it's actually like prison and be serious?

Clairetree1 · 22/08/2018 14:41

its a joke, it doesn't refer to being unhappy. If someone was referring to being genuinely unhappy it wouldn't be done in such a trivialising and flippant manner

Original poster
Randomnumbers7483 · 22/08/2018 14:43

Ok, thank you for your answers!

It is a phrase that I used to hear more years ago - probably more 1980’s (though have heard recently as well) when I was growing up - I always interpreted it to mean the person regretted the marriage. If they were happy they would say “Been married 20 years and couldn’t be happier!” or something like that. It never struck me as a funny joke as it wasn’t complimentary about their wife.

I suppose it sits in my head along with phrases such as “the old ball and chain” or “her indoors” - all of which I think are pretty rude and insulting about their wives too.

OP posts:
PrefabSprouts · 22/08/2018 14:44

It's one of those unfunny "jokes" that some people feel compelled to make - either insecure people who make jokes when they're nervous, or smarmy people who feel better about themselves if they put others down and if called out defend all their slightly nasty jibes by claiming they were jokes or banter and claiming anyone who doesn't find them highly amusing lacks a sense of humour.

I disagree. Everyone who I know who makes these sort of jokes are very happy together and don't put each other down. It's meant to be a bit of lighthearted, gentle ribbing.

I also think it's used to not look too smug. I've heard people say along the lines of, "Wow, so you've been married for 60 years, what's your secret?" and the person doesn't want to come across as a self satisfied arsehole so will make lighthearted jokes to soften the response.

Original poster
Randomnumbers7483 · 22/08/2018 14:46

Ok - maybe my understanding of the phrase has been affected by the people I heard say it then.

OP posts:
YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 22/08/2018 14:46

I said this to DH yesterday on our wedding anniversary. Suppose that makes me boring/insensitive/a horrible person

MiaowMix · 22/08/2018 14:50

Say this all the time and so does my husband. 🤷🏽‍♀️
We do it as a JOKE.

I can't fathom how it is in anyway ambiguous. But I can't understand why people overthink or take things so seriously either, so...

Original poster
Randomnumbers7483 · 22/08/2018 14:51

I agree with blueskies - I just don’t find it funny. I can’t really see the humour in it.

I do understand now that my interpretation of it as being very offensive may well be due to having heard it used by someone as a jibe and with a nasty nature to put their wife down and it isn’t always intended like that.

OP posts:
Iknowwhoyouare123 · 22/08/2018 14:51

An elderly woman I knew years ago used to say things like this all the time.

She was telling someone once that she'd been married for 60 years and the person replied that she looked too young to have been married for that long and she joked ' yes I was married at 10, it was him or work down the mines' 😂

SoupDragon · 22/08/2018 14:55

so would you take it as meaning he is happily married and having a joke

I would take it as this. It’s always said with affection when I’ve heard it, usually with a loving glance between the couple.

blueskiesandforests · 22/08/2018 14:55

Iknowwhoyouare at least that's actually vaguely original, not a cliched old line which was tired and overused even when Les Dawson was trotting it out...

SoupDragon · 22/08/2018 14:56

I wonder when the need to actually be funny was dropped from the definition of a joke.

About the same time a sense of humour vanished.

Willow2017 · 22/08/2018 14:57

If I’d have murdered someone instead of getting married, I’d have finished my custodial sentence and be free now. Instead I am still married with no freedom in sight.

As a joke. Thats how its said round here. Never meant as the person actually wants to leave his/her marraige. Its always people who have been happily married for donkeys years.

Branleuse · 22/08/2018 14:58

Its just a shit cliche joke.

MinecraftHolmes · 22/08/2018 14:58

Right - so would you take it as meaning he is happily married and having a joke or that he regrets getting married and sees it as a punishment and having ruined his life?

I've only ever heard it being used as a joke.

NonaGrey · 22/08/2018 15:02

I agree with PP I’ve never heard it from anyone who wasn’t happily married (and proud of their long marriages)

Context is all though. I wouldn’t considerate an affectionate joke if said by someone generally nasty to their spouse.

Kingkiller · 22/08/2018 15:02

There is only one possible meaning: marriage is the kind of long and unenjoyable slog that you'd only deserve if you'd committed a horrendous crime!

But the question of whether it is intended as a joke or not is impossible to answer unless you know the person well and were there when they said it! As a joke, it's ancient, very lame and unfunny (and basically sexist - I'm imagining it was almost always men who said it).

PrefabSprouts · 22/08/2018 15:02

Did your DH say it about you, OP?

Bugjune · 22/08/2018 15:02

Probably best to just abolish all jokes. Hmm

Tiredperson · 22/08/2018 15:04

I think they are probably happy. It’s a joke, even if it’s a bit old. But who knows?! One comment doesn’t give us an insight!

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 22/08/2018 15:06

It's an unfunny, light-heaarted quip. But next time I hear it, I'll be sure to immediately judge the person saying it as a smug, humorless, boring, unloveable fucker with no personality.

blueskiesandforests · 22/08/2018 15:08

Soupdragon is the definition of a sense of humour finding any old dross funny? When my kids snipe at each other then claim they were only joking I remind them jokes actually have to be funny.

Sometimes people say things to be cruel, to make themselves feel better, to cover their own embarrassment or nerves, or very, very often just to make noise and hear their own voice. The old, tired, trite line about getting less for murder is one of those things, which one depends who is saying it. A joke only in the very loosest sense.