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Original poster

Returning to work full time - impact on kids

59 replies

Whydoilikebroccoli · 21/08/2018 08:36

I've had a wonderful 7 years at home with my kids and now it's time to re-enter the workplace. I could get a part time position but we really could do with me earning a full time salary. My dd starts school in September so all kids in school. It's just a massive adjustment psychologically as I've always been able to take the kids to school and pick them up. I've always felt this was important. However, when I go back to work they will require after school care. It makes me feel guilty like I'm not putting their needs first. I worry as DD gets so tired, staying until 530-6 seems too long. I also remember my mum returning to full time work when I was at primary school and really hating having to go to a childminder.

I'm just being a bit precious about the children and also lacking confidence at the change. I'm not even sure what I'm asking for. Experiences maybe?

OP posts:

Henryville · 21/08/2018 08:42

Truthfully if you can survive on part time wages then I would do. It's harder than you appreciate on both the kids and yourself on working. I think going from 0-5 days would be a bit much. Can you start off on 3 days and see how that goes? If you can I would seriously stick to that.

Henryville · 21/08/2018 08:43

My children seriously struggled when I went from 1-3 days and so did I. It's getting better but still not ideal and tricky to let them have play dates and do clubs etc.

CherryPlum · 21/08/2018 08:46

Going straight into full-time would be incredibly hard. I would do everything I could to find part-time, if it were me.

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VimFuego101 · 21/08/2018 08:49

If you can find a PT time position I would absolutely do that. We both work FT and it is doable but hard, involves a lot of juggling and crossing our fingers, and a fair amount of my salary goes on things to make life easier - childcare, takeaways because we can't be bothered to cook dinner, a cleaner.

BrieAndChilli · 21/08/2018 08:50

I do 30 hours a week. Kids have to go to afterschool club on a Monday and Friday and I finish in time to pick them up the other days as a Work 10 minutes away.
I feel it’s a good compromise, I really really love my new job so don’t mind working more hours (used to work 15 hours in my old job) and the kids still get to do after school activities/have friends over on the days I pick them up.
It is a hard adjustment for everyone (DH has to do more now and sometimes has to miss a gym class if we have too much on!!!) I have to do more stuff like laundry and cleaning on the weekend whereas before it all got done in the week and I rely on amazon prime a lot!!

On the other hand I feel more fulfilled as I found a great job that’s really interesting and I work with really really great people, and we have more money.

NerdyBird · 21/08/2018 08:56

Agree that going straight into full-time will be challenging after 7 years out. I do 4 days a week including one working from and that's doable for me. I've done it since dd was 1 and she's just about to start school. I'll be able to do some drop off and pick ups and then she'll go to a childminder 3 days. I also commute and even only 3 days is tiring so think about that too. And depending on how you split things like housework your partner may have to make adjustments too.

Stompythedinosaur · 21/08/2018 09:12

Dp and I both work fulltime, but have flexible hours so one of us has been able to get th3 kids from school 3 days a week. The other two they go to a childminder, who they love and have a great time with.

I think kids are adaptable, and if you have to work, then you have to work, and no amount of worry will change that. I have spent time worrying over my work's impact on my dc, but me not working would mean not affording to pay the mortgage and put food on the table.

EvaHarknessRose · 21/08/2018 09:18

It works best for kids imo (and finances if paying for childcare) if one or both of you works part time or flexibly. I mean, she’ll be fine in breakfast and after school club a couple of days a week, but if used to having you at home, the long days will be a stretch.

Check what places you can get too, full time places are hard to come by sometimes. A childminder who picks up from the local school maybe?

Armi · 21/08/2018 09:33

I worked full time after maternity leave until DD was about 2 but I found it so hard (even being a one of those layabout teachers with all the holidays). I went down to 2.5 days a week, which was lovely (but I was skint) and now work 4 days. If we can manage it, I hope to never work full time again. If you can do it, I’d recommend 3 days a week - I found that gave me enough time for housework, play dates and extracurricular stuff.

Your children will be ok whatever you do because they are your priority and you will make sure they are ok, but you need to think about yourself as well. I know loads of people cheerfully work full time, love it and manage it all beautifully but some, like myself, struggle with the frantic relentlessness of it.

dungandbother · 21/08/2018 10:40

I work term time full time. Not teaching. But it's a killer. My partner has one day a week off which is a godsend for some household tasks getting done. But he works 4 x 15 hour days otherwise so he needs the downtime too.

I spend more on online shopping than I would if I went to Aldi, everything gets ordered from Amazon prime because the weekends are jammed with housework and swimming lessons etc.

I'm not superhuman and I can't run around in the evenings to clubs and play dates. Once I've cooked dinner, I collapse.

You need to be really organised and it's pretty exhausting.

So of course it can be done but we're all telling you it's no bed of roses.

Aim for part time and keep your house hold costs down.

Cornishclio · 21/08/2018 11:22

Going from no work to full time will be a struggle for them and you. I would opt for part time and then look to increase to full time when your DD is older. I think going for 3 days is a good start or if your employer allows I went for 9.30 to 2.30 5 days a week so I could still pick and drop my kids off from school. My DD does the same although hers are preschool at the moment.

ianbealesonwheels · 21/08/2018 12:33

I work 3 days and my dc find it really hard. Eldest y2

Dontgiveamonkeys1350 · 21/08/2018 12:41

I did. And I lasted a few months. My only teenage son went from being a good student to not doing his homework and getting detentions. I cut back from 39 hours a week to 24 and that was better. But in the end I cut it to 12. He got better. Also it was weekend work as well and we live in the middle of nowhere and I couldn’t take him anywhere.

I made the decision to stop work entirely as he is now doing his GCSEs and I want to make sure I am home for that. When he has finished them he will be at college. Then I’m going to loon for full time work.

I currently work as a cleaner which I only do when he is at school. So works well.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 21/08/2018 12:42

Can you try part time first? I'm in a similar position, 5 years at home and am about to start work. I'm doing two days, term time only. Even that will be a big change, especially for my eldest. I will increase hours as time goes on though.

I absolutely HATED being at the childminder when I was a child but I also think that she was shit, so make sure you have childcare you feel confident in.

Aceinthehole · 21/08/2018 12:44

I'm surprised at the responses on this thread. Of course, many, many children survive with their parents working. I'm guessing from the responses, Work is a choice for a lot, done saying "so I gave up" or cut back, this isn't always an option for people. You say you "need the full time wage" but have obviously survived not working, why the need for such a jump?

DemocracyDiesInDarkness · 21/08/2018 12:46

I work three full days, and two short days; on the short days I drop the kids at school and collect them.

It's still bloody hard. I feel like any minute I'm not working I'm on duty. TBH I massively regret going from 4 days to 5, but I kept having to answer emails on my day off, so thought I may as well get paid for it.

My role has expanded so I really should work proper FT hours, but the kids love the days I'm around, I won't change things until they're 11-ish, I'd say, and can let themselves in.

BlueChampagne · 21/08/2018 12:55

Going straight back to FT will be hard on everyone, but my kids love their after school club. They get the chance to play with their friends for longer, plus ability to go to other clubs (that operate on school premises but are privately run), such as drama, archery and football.

topsyanddim · 21/08/2018 13:21

I went to a childminder 5 days a week. Most of my friends children go to childminder's or after school clubs 5 days a week. Surely if you have a career with a full time job no-one can pick up at 3pm each day?!

And of course they'd be fine

Underparmummy · 21/08/2018 14:26

Wow. This is joyful. I am genuinely shocked at the responses.

I would bet that post a few hectic weeks everything will be fine.

Tipsylizard · 21/08/2018 14:34

Apart from maternity leave i have always worked full time. I tried to do 4 days a week for a while but I just couldn't manage my role on 4 days. My kids are just 3.5 and 2 so not at school yet. They go to nursery 2 days a week and we have a nanny 3 days a week.i work from home 1 day a week so drop them off and pick them up earlish on Fridays. Our plan is to keep the nanny until they are both at school and then have an after school nanny with some.after school activities. My kids seem very happy with the arrangement so far and we are home every night in time for some playtime/baths and stories.

Thats said I sometimes feel guilty - my husband does not!! I like my job. I am good at it. I can provide a good life for my kids and myself.

windygallows · 21/08/2018 16:44

Wow - this thread is merely exacerbating the myth that it's impossible for women to work FT and cope and makes it sound like women are on the edge and if they do more than 2 days at work.

Many mothers do work FT and cope and their DCs are doing fine even if they're in aftercare until 5.30/6. Quite frankly, if you have to do it you just get on with it. I'm a single parent with 3 and work FT and you 'just do it.'

Women (and children) are tougher and more resilient than this. Please stop with these 'I'll need smelling salts and my children won't cope' threads about working.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 21/08/2018 17:06

Or perhaps people are posting with thoughts based on their own experiences?

I don't think anyone here is denigrating working full time.

Loveyourself · 21/08/2018 17:23

I don't think anyone is saying it's impossible but some of us have to be realistic. I would love to work FT again but the costs of putting 3 kids into breakfast and afterschool would be almost as much as I take home.

DemocracyDiesInDarkness · 21/08/2018 17:31

Get a grip @windygallows!

Why is it ok for you to say it's easy but others to say their experience is different?

windygallows · 21/08/2018 17:53

This isn't about thinking someone is denigrating working FT and I never said it was easy but 'easy' and 'difficult' are absolutely subjective - some people find working one day/week difficult, others cope FT. That doesn't in any way help the OP.

The question should be whether it's possible and practical - for some not because of childcare, but for many it will be. I have no idea what the OP's resilience or ability to cope is - only she knows.

However I get the sense that the OP is searching for anecdotes about how it is 'too difficult' so she can build a case against working.

I'm getting really tired of the narrative that exists and is shared between some women that working even part-time is soooo hard and that a mother working has a hugely negative effect on children. If we all collectively agree it's super hard is that enough ammunition to tell our DPs that we just cannot work outside the home?

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