Opinions on ds friend. Rude or normal 12 year old?

[losenotloose]

I can't quite decide. I know it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things but I'd like to know if I'm being too harsh.

So, as an example I had my hair cut very short recently. Ds and friend came home and understandably were surprised. Friends reaction was yeah, it looks weird. I obviously wasn't offended by a 12 year old but was surprised at him saying it to an adult. I'd like to think ds wouldn't say that. Also, when I've had to pull ds up on rudeness, friend will chip in with yeah, you're being rude, but in a sarcastic way.

Is this normal 12 year old behaviour? I don't have much experience so maybe I'm being uptight.

Sounds like he’s been poorly parented to me. My DC would know never to say that/backchat like that as they don’t get away with it at home, but it’s shocking what some parents let their children get away with then complain that they “don’t know what to do with them, they can be so rude/agressive/disrespectful”. So no, not typical 12 year old behaviour.

Ds can be rude and back chat unfortunately, it's something we're having problems with at the moment. But I don't think he'd behave like that with other adults. I end up feeling like I'm stuck in the stone ages but I don't want my dc to think this attitude is ok.

How is that back chatting or whatever?
He thought it looked weird and said so. Surely he's allowed an opinion?

“He thought it looked weird and said so. Surely he's allowed an opinion?”

Blimey. You think it’s OK for people to tell someone their new haircut looks weird?

Sometimes opinions should be kept to yourself.

Some kids dont hace a great filter. Some adults dont either.

My son doesn't get that if someone says something self deprecating you're not supposed to agree.

It's the way he said it as well. He is entitled to an opinion but I think 12 is old enough to be polite. Would you be happy if your dc walked in and told another adult their hair cut was weird?

He thought it looked weird and said so. Surely he's allowed an opinion?

No. Expressing your unvarnished opinions about someone else’s appearance isn’t socially acceptable between adults let alone from a child to adult.

Twelve is old enough to know better.

He was rude and I would have pulled him up on it.

Would you be happy if your dc walked in and told another adult their hair cut was weird?

I would be appalled.

And they wouldn’t.

I wasn't being self deprecating and he wasn't asked for an opinion! I just used that as an example.

Alright, he's very loud, doesn't seem to have boundaries about things like that. I suppose I'm worried that ds sees how he behaves and gets away with and I look Victorian in comparison. I know it shouldn't matter, but I'm not very self assured unfortunately.

A NT 12 year old is perfectly capable of a bit of tact. I would be furious if I heard one of mine do this,

God, how boring. If he'd said something like 'What the fuck have you done to your hair?' I could see your point ! Move on and leave the kid alone. Poor parenting my arse !

Nona me too. Just rude, no need for it.

OP have you talked to your DS about it? I would also say something to his friend.

Then I must also be rude or whatever. If a friend has a haircut and it looks weird I tell them. Same with if I looked weird with hair/clothes/whatever I appreciate being told.

Friend is here now but I'm going to have a chat with ds when he's gone.

A NT 12 year old is perfectly capable of a bit of tact. I would be furious if I heard one of mine do this,

I would be furious if I heard my six year old do this, to be honest.

I can remember being about 12 and being told off by my mum for answering questions truthfully and not telling white lies. The neighbour had decorated her living room and asked our opinion. I said “it’s not really my taste”. I recall being confused when my mum told me off because the neighbour had asked what I thought so she must want my opinion? And literally the week before I’d got in trouble for lying but now I’m supposed to lie? My mum had to explain that lying is bad unless you’re lying to save someone’s feelings, then it’s bad if you don’t lie. It was all very confusing and I really didn’t get the hang of it until I was older.

My 12 year old son can be surly at times but I feel pretty confident he would never say that to anyone outside our immediate family or back chat. So I would also vote for poor parenting.

Don't think it would have been meant in a 'mean to be hurtful' kind of way and that's what matters. Kids just say stuff. You are making a massive issue out of nothing.

Kids say what comes into their heads, later on they learn tact. I don't think it was rude of him to say your hair looked weird, it shows he is relaxed with you.

See, if I'd said to him what do you think and he said it looks weird I wouldn't have minded, I do get he's only 12 so maybe tact isn't his strong point. But I didn't ask!

Hmm, I wouldn't assume that weird was an insult. A lot of people use it to mean 'strange/different' and your hair was obviously different if it had just been cut very short. I could see my DSIS telling someone their hair looked weird meaning it was different from what she'd been expecting.

Then I must also be rude or whatever. If a friend has a haircut and it looks weird I tell them.

Yes Nibbling it does sound like you are rude I’m afraid. Most people would be hurt by that kind of comment from a friend.

later on they learn tact

Yes but 12 yo is way later on. As a pp said I would have been mortified if mine had said this at 6 yo to be honest.

It is showing off to your ds and thinks you won’t pull him up on his behaviour. He sounds rude and unpleasant. Ask him if he mimics the teacher or his own mother? I bet he would look embarrassed.