Opinions on ds friend. Rude or normal 12 year old?

[losenotloose]

I can't quite decide. I know it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things but I'd like to know if I'm being too harsh.

So, as an example I had my hair cut very short recently. Ds and friend came home and understandably were surprised. Friends reaction was yeah, it looks weird. I obviously wasn't offended by a 12 year old but was surprised at him saying it to an adult. I'd like to think ds wouldn't say that. Also, when I've had to pull ds up on rudeness, friend will chip in with yeah, you're being rude, but in a sarcastic way.

Is this normal 12 year old behaviour? I don't have much experience so maybe I'm being uptight.

People are focusing only in the hair comment, what about the fact this boy was also mimicking OP in a sarky voice? Is that something you would want your 12 year old doing to their friend’s mums? I would be downright ashamed if a child of mine was so rude.

@missyB1 yes I agree. The hair comment alone as a one off I could let go.. but the mimicking am adult in sarcastic tones is it of order and very very rude. I'd have to pull them up on it personally, totally unacceptable.

*out of order

If he’s 12 he’ll already have been at secondary school for a year. I’ve come across thousands of year 7s/8s as a teacher and I would not expect this sort of comment from a child of his age. If he said this to a classmate I’d tell him off for being unkind and if he said it to me, as an adult, I’d think he was rude and disrespectful. I’d probably phone home. I’d have a chat first to gauge whether he knew his comment was rude however.

At my eldest ds' secondary school, speaking like that to an adult would earn him detention. I would pull up any child that speaks to me rudely, it's not acceptable and I don't want my children to think it's ok.

He obviously is unsure of how to act. Perhaps he’s not used to being asked his opinion if he’s from a busy household etc? Or maybe he’s just an awkward preteen and couldn’t find the right word. I doubt your son listens that carefully to what he says - they all talk at the same time at this age anyway!

I honestly think you’re being over sensitive.

I agree as a former teacher, there's no way a NT 12 year old doesn't know know to be polite, and that what he said was rude and cheeky. He might be showing off, but I personally wouldn't want that behaviour directed at me in my own home.

When my kids were 12 there is no way they would've said that to friends mum ! How rude .. what a brat !

If you hold children to adult standards then what is childhood?

Expecting a 12 yo to be kind and respectful to a friend’s mother isn’t holding them to “adult” standards.

It’s holding them to appropriate 12 yo standards.

It sounds very much like this boy possibly has aspergers or traits of aspergers in which case it is nothing to do with bad parenting it will just take him longer to learn that saying these things is not what one says in social situations than other children.
He just needs to be told each time in a kind manner that what he said upsets you and that it is not the done thing to say.