DH no longer fancies me due to 50 pound weight gain

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I’ve recently come off antidepressants for PND after 6 years. During that time I’ve gained 50 pounds. It sounds weird but it’s only now that I’m off the ADs that I realise just how bad I look.
A frank discussion with DH has revealed that he really doesn’t fancy me anymore. Can’t say i blame him, I look absolutely dreadful. It’s like I’ve woken up from a dream, I literally didn’t realise before. I thought I looked ok . Even though we’ve not had sex for a year.
I’m obviously going to sort myself out, but I’m worried it’s too late. DH has basically sort of mentally checked out of the relationship I realise. What can I do? Does anyone have any advice of how I can turn things around? Has anyone ever lost so much weight and saved their marriage?

The weight might drop off now youve come off them, and getting to the gym and doing an exercise routine is great for mental health too x

Your DH’s physical attraction to you may have been affected by your weight gain but it shouldn’t have made him ‘check out’ of the relationship because of it, surely? Isn’t your marriage based on more than that? Did your DH actually say he wanted to end things?

There's a huge difference between love and fancy. If he still loves you then there's hope. Start taking care of yourself, as well as losing the weight but focus on quality time in the relationship.

Op as hard as it is to hear, losing weight won’t fix your marriage. Have you discussed therapy as an option? Have you discussed if your husband actually wants to stay in your marriage and make it work? You need to consider this before you start throwing your energy into fixing something that can’t be fixed, or you might just end up back where you started.

OP, I need to lose 3st (minimum). I currently weigh 5st more than I did before kids.

I have Arthritis, but I've been comfort eating and obviously not able to exercise much. I won't pretend my DP is happy about it... mainly because he knows how miserable I am, but yeah who fancies a partner who gains 5 stone????

You could lose the weight, but would it be easier to just LTB?

If nothing else try to focus on your own well being for the moment, focus on losing some of your weight by reducing your food intake (smaller healthier meals) and some more activity? this should result in some good results for you and may give your mood and outlook a boost and help you to cope with whatever direction your relationship may take? If your husband reacts well, you may be able to rebuild your relationship, if not you will still feel better about yourself and hopefully feel more positive in working your way forward, good luck and I hope you feel better soon x

I completely get you. I have a systemic joint disease. Some moron of a doctor though all my physical symptoms were in my head and whacked me on anti-depressants - cue 10 kg weight gain.
I have an actual diagnosis now, and the medication I have been on has piled on about 15 kg , curretnly coming off that and trying to find an alternative that will help with chronic pain.. I can't do any high impact exercise, can't swim as my joints hyper extend - all of them- all fun when you need to loose weight for said medical condition. I do Pilates 4 times a week so I am neither unfit or weak.
I am not a woman who will happily calorie count. Everyone in the house would die horribly if I spent alot of time juicing and eating salad, though I have considerably shrunk my portion sizes.
But my DH doesn't mind shag wise. He has said it would be awesome for me if I could loose some weight but not in a "you are gross to me fashion".
He also likes the D-cup boobs that come with it.

I do not try to jam myself into fashionable clothing. It's guaranteed to send you to the nearest bar of chocolate.
I have my own style that is distinction and alternative. I stand out, not because I am bigger (92kg), but because I dress well, have an awesome hairdresser, etc.. PM me if you want a website of clothes that are excellent for larger women yet don't make you look like a fat dowager and aren't mumus.

So you have a DH problem, more than a weight problem. Weight can be lost and you can do that , shallow dickheads can be harder to retrain.

apologies for typos - its early here.

Hi all, thanks for the replies. Feeling better this morning, DH is concerned I’m so upset, he says he still lives and cares for me.

I’m just so shocked that I didn’t notice that I’d got so big, but also that no one said anything to me about it. Talked to my DM who said ‘yes you have stopped following your good wats haven’t you’, DH said it’s like walking a tightrope talking to me about weight. I just wish someone had said something about my weight gain and made me realise 30 pounds ago.
In my head I’m still the same size I’ve always been. I feel like such a fool for walking around imagining I was my usual slim self, and being baffled why DH wasn’t still fancying me.
God I’ve got to get this weight off. I feel dreadful. I hope it will shift with diet and exercise, and that I haven’t done any permanent damage to my metabolism or anything.
Off to sign up for a gym!

I find groups are very helpful when losing a lot of weight - weight watchers and slimming world both v supportive.

We all think we look better than we do. I put on 4 stone due to steroids and didn't really notice until I weighed myself. The only real way is Essex to know is getting on the scales regularly. And using Slimming World.

I’ve just signed up for a gym online.
I used WW before my wedding and it worked, but now I’m trying to keep carbs down as I’ve also discovered I’m pre-diabetic which is what prompted the weighing and coming off of ADs to stop any further weight gain.
Are WW and slimming world compatible with a low carb way of eating? I’m also on my own a lot as DH doesn’t spend much time at home due to work, I think I may struggle with getting to meetings as I have to look after my DC.
I guess I’ll try to find an online LCHF group or something.

I would go to the group exercise classes at the gym. You then have a set time and reason to go. Otherwise it might be hard to motivate yourself.

The exact same thing happened to me on ADs. I put on a ton of weight. In my head it was all grand. I knew I'd put on a bit but it somehow didn't register or matter.... can't quite get my head around how the thought process worked, in retrospect.

My relationship did end and my ex told me that my weight gain made the break up much easier for him. He was an utter abusive prick though.

Oh and I dropped the bulk of the weight really quickly after stopping the ADs and my set point weight has gone back to what it was. I do have some extra stretch marks though.

I don't think I would want to be with a man who suddenly didn't want to be anywhere near me coz I gained 3.5 stone!

Sorry you are going through this OP, but lose the weight for YOU, not him!

I just wanted to say, go easy on yourself OP. You've been dealing with a mental illness and raising a family, please don't beat yourself up for gaining some weight. It sounds like you're ready to tackle the weight and that's great and really positive but don't fall into the trap of using it as some kind of punishment by starving or depriving yourself. Chip away at the weight slowly and steadily and find some exercise you enjoy and that makes you feel good. There is a lot more to you than the number on a scale, treat yourself with kindness.

My mum has just lost 3st on WW. Their new flex plan encourages low carb and low sugar. You get a range of zero points food; fruit and veg, chicken and fish, low fat plain yogurts and a few other things. Then you get your points to spend on other food but the points are weighted toward low carb and sugar. Mum said it took a bit of getting used to after having followed the old points system which was more calories based but she now likes it.

WW Points very comparable with low carb.

Usual WW principles of portion control, emphasis on fresh non-processed foods, avoiding satfats & empty calories, with room to manoeuvre for treats.

Oh that WW flex system sounds great! I didn’t know it had changed. I liked WW but I didn’t think I could exist on muller lites and Freddos like I did before

Slimming world is not low carb from what I remember.
Your DH should love YOU and I suspect that maybe your sexual connection generally has diminished whilst you have been depressed and that if you started trying to reinitiate that, he would respond because he loves YOU.
I am married to a very slim tall man. I was overweight when we married and subsequently had 5 pregnancies in 3.5 years gaining half a stone in weight after each of them. I have really struggled to shift this but he still loves me. He would love me to ose weight but more to be more healthy and less at risk of MI/CVA/IDDM etc.

Ditto the Flex plan. Still a points based system but far far easier to thrive on.

0% fat Greek yoghurt & pomegranate seeds is a zero point revelation (scoff scoff).

Auntie has shifted 20lb with ease on WW Flex.

Oh keep away from sw or ww. The weight will just go back on.
Eat sensibly and do the couch to 5k app. Running helps with mood too.

0% fat Greek yoghurt, banana & careful tsp honey is one WW Flex point - plentiful & filling breakfast or snack.