DH no longer fancies me due to 50 pound weight gain

[ProgressPenguin]

I’ve recently come off antidepressants for PND after 6 years. During that time I’ve gained 50 pounds. It sounds weird but it’s only now that I’m off the ADs that I realise just how bad I look.
A frank discussion with DH has revealed that he really doesn’t fancy me anymore. Can’t say i blame him, I look absolutely dreadful. It’s like I’ve woken up from a dream, I literally didn’t realise before. I thought I looked ok . Even though we’ve not had sex for a year.
I’m obviously going to sort myself out, but I’m worried it’s too late. DH has basically sort of mentally checked out of the relationship I realise. What can I do? Does anyone have any advice of how I can turn things around? Has anyone ever lost so much weight and saved their marriage?

meant to say when it's a struggle just getting out of bed nothing else seems to matter either. you don't feel anything and you don't care about yourself let alone others around you.

Hi, I’m answer to how I didn’t notice. Into be honest it’s been one of the strangest things about coming off the anti depressants. I sort of feel I’ve woken up and am now noticing a lot of things which are now blindingly obvious but when I was on ADs, they were sort of a minor background hum of annoyance.
Eg, my house. It’s cluttered and quite frankly and could do with a good clean. At the time, just existing and moving from room to room, keeping on top of laundry and food shopping and giving things a quick wipe over was enough, given I was quite frankly exhausted. And things seemed fine.
Now I’m off the ADs and OMG it looks a state! I’ve been decluttering madly, and cleaning so much. Like ‘eek the bannisters are filthy, HOW DID I NOT NOTICE!’
Also, the weight. I’ve had to buy a large rather than a medium, but it didn’t really bother me. I was still fine, I looked ok right? I’d just had a baby FGS and I still knew how to make healthy choices. I wasn’t gorging on cake every night or anything.
Came off ADs and OMG! I weigh 13.5 stone and I have a spare tyre that belongs to a long haul truck!
IME, ADs tone down my reaction to things.

Ditto my finances, garden, social life..so much I need to sort out.

It’s v hard to put into words but there was a kind of disconnect between the reality of the situation and what the actual implications of it were to me. Like the ADs put a sort of buffer in between to stop the full impact get through. Very hard to explain sorry!
Also, I had v v little energy, and was v sleepy a lot of the time. Thankfully that’s changing.

I have arthritis too and some days it is so hard to get out of bed with the pain. I have given up with exercise beyond gentle walks for now and am concentrating on diet. I am doing Keto at the moment because carbs have always made me balloon due to PCOS and have lost 12lbs in the first week. Nothing else worked for me and have tried them all over the years. Just find an eating plan that works for you and don’t beat yourself up. Stop concentrating on how you got here and focus on how you can get to a place where you feel happier. For me it is about making a lifestyle change now, not temporarily changing and sliding back after I lose some.

He still loves you. It can be so hard to hear that someone doesn’t fancy you. You are meant to be in it for sickness and health but it can be difficult to control what we are attracted to. Do it for you, with the happy side effect that it helps with the attraction thing

You deserve HUGE credit, ProgressPenguin. Having that much going on in your life was bound to takes its toll and now you're out the other side. Bloody well done to you.

Chip away, as you're doing, nobody's keeping score. Get help from wherever you can and keep on going, it's not a race. Being well is the most important thing.

Thanks for explaining and I see where you're coming from now. I honestly didn't really want to ask for fear of appearing totally obtuse - especially about depression which is something I have intermittently suffered from in my life.

And I second LyingWitch just above - it's not a race. You are where you are and you can only work from there.

IMO a lot of weight issues are routed in low self-esteem, large people hate the way the look, they loathe themselves for letting themselves get to that state, for having no willpower, no self respect letting themselves be so disgusting and fat. So, there, fatty, have that packet of biscuits, you are disgusting, getting fatter is all you deserve.

Until that attitude is broken, there will be no lasting progress, it will always be binge and purge cycle, ad infinitum.

Love yourself, respect yourself and this will come through in your food choices and general behaviours. The sabotaging will stop, the self- destruction will stop. Women often need extra help with realising they are not bottom of the pile, they are important and deserve utmost respect.

I have been there and I know how it feels, but there is nothing to say it has to go on like this. You can change it. But love for yourself is at the heart of it.

Gillian Riley’s book Eating Less, Say Goodbye to Overeating is excellent for changing your mindset and getting yourself out of self-loathing hole. She never once touches diet or foods you should be eating. She only deals with perceptions, attitudes and thought processes around overeating. Don’t underestimate the power of your thoughts.

This book helped me massively.

Don't be too hard on your husband or other family members, OP. You said: "but also that no one said anything to me about it."

Weight gain is an incredibly trick topic to raise at any time, just look at the reactions to threads on here about weight, plus you were on AD's, which you clearly needed to be, people would have been extremely reluctant to say anything for fear of the effect mentioning it would have on your already fragile mental state.

From your posts you are now in a far more positive mindset and capable of seeing and addressing your weight and other things which the AD's dulled your mind to.

I wish you the very best of luck.

OP, are you saying that anyone who is 50lb overweight looks "dreadful"? What a nasty premise to your post, I suggest you try and reframe your perception not only of yourself but of others who are the same weight as you too.

"In sickness and in health". What happens if you lose all the weight? You get along fine until the next imperfection rears its ugly head. Perhaps you age badly and are genetically predisposed to more wrinkles. Perhaps you need a dodgy mole removing and have a scar on your face. Perhaps you develop eczema and look red and flaky all the time.

Bodies change. A flame should still burn even when life changes our outer casings. Love isn't skin deep.

Think about the reverse situation. Are you going to find him repulsive when he loses his hair or his pubes go grey?

He sounds like a dick and you sound like you need to work on yourself before you work on your body.

@Nowhyshouldi why have you resurrected a 5 year old thread to give op that gem of advice?

This thread is 5 years old. Stop resurrecting old threads to be a dick.