Struggling being home without DH. Does anyone else get scared being the only adult at home?

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I posted last night when someone rang my doorbell at around 9pm. They rang twice and I live in an area where I don't know many people. The people I do know, know that I have young kids in bed. I felt very uneasy after that last night and now I'm lying awake in bed and all I can hear is lots of strange noises and my mind is getting carried away worrying about intruders etc.

I used to struggle really badly when DH & I moved in together because he works away a lot but I've been much better in recent years. The door going last night seems to have massively set me back though.

Does anyone else find it hard being the only adult at home? Has anyone found any good coping strategies for this? I'm sure there must be others out there who have this issue? Thanks

I hate it too! This is what I do: Double check all the doors / windows etc are locked. Leave lights on. Put on Radio 4, make a hot milky drink & get into bed. Have a phone within reach. I usually stay up reading / watching someting (very gentle definitely not scary!) until I fall asleep.

I have good locks, an outside light, a chain and a spyhole. I don't answer the door at 9pm if I don't feel like it. It'll only be the neighbours moaning about their bins or the Dogs Trust chuggers. But at least I can have a look-see and check.

Get a Ring doorbell, it is a video doorbell and you can see who is ringing it.

I don’t get scared often when DP is away but I have definitely experienced my mind running away with me. It probably sounds stupid but an episode of Friends (or whatever seen it a million times comedy you like) is enough to snap me out of that train of thought without keeping me up for hours. I also listen to podcasts and radio 4 sounds like a great option. Happy music on quietly would probably work too.

I'm always the only adult at home, even when DH is here.

I find our dog trying a lot of the time but he is good at helping dc and I feel secure in our home.

I hate being by myself indoors, in fact I have been known to go to a hotel! If I am in by myself and the doorbell goes late at night I don't answer - but I will open an upstairs window over the door so I know who was there and say "What's up?" So that way I know who it is... if explanations are needed I just say "I was putting the ironing away!" (or similar).

I don't like being alone in the house during the night. This house creaks such a lot too.

Goodness me. Try being a single parent!

My whole married life I’ve spent a good deal of time being home alone. The only time it bothered me was when I foolishly had a wee Criminal Minds marathon. The house was especially noisy and creaky that night!!

Put music or the radio on, then you don't hear all the weird creaks.

This is so weird and strange. I live completely alone - no husband or kids of pets. It never crossed my mind to be scared!

TakemedowntoPotatoCity I hear you on the single parent front! But I think op could still be scared! I am too as a single parent! I do what other pp have said. Check the doors, windows etc. And focus on a book or TV to fall asleep!

Thanks for all the advice

Goodness me. Try being a single parent!

I'm on my own for 6 month stints and have spent the best part of a year on my own before because of DH's work commitments so I would most definitely be the same if I was a single parent.

I'm always shocked by how many adult women can't seem to cope with this.

I live alone so no. But I've never been scared of being alone even when I was married. I live in a dodgy area so I never answer the door at night if I'm not expecting anyone. During the day if anyone knocks on the door I check who it is before I answer. Always keep doors locked when in house. Don't have windows open unless you're in that room. All the above was advice from local police. I always wonder when I hear of married women who hate being alone in the house, what on earth will you do if your OH has to go into hospital for a long period of time or worse.

Giving the level of domestic violence, a women is safer alone than with her partner/husband.

I make sure I have the radio or tv on while I fall asleep to drown out any creams or whatever. DC are old enough to come & get me if they need anything so I don't need to worry about not being able to hear them.

And if something noisy happens outside, I can check our cctv. It's generally a fox that we didn't know came to the house until we got the cctv. He's quite cute.

Creaks!

If there are custard creams then I'm eating them!

I'm a single parent too and I'm used to being the only adult, it doesn't bother me at all.
I'm quite shocked that a pp would go to a hotel to avoid being alone, but everyone is different.
What I will say OP is that your anxiety of being on your own in the house will rub off on your dc if you don't calm down. A door knock at nine o'clock is hardly 'late at night'

I was completely alone in our house for a few days this month as dh and dc’s were away. I wouldn’t say I was frightened but it felt so weird. I lived on my own for well over 10 years before dh moved in but being on my own for the first time in 18 years was very odd

I've lived alone for most of my adult liver so am used to it. I find it more weird when there's someone else here!

Trouble is, for some women a knock on the door at night is intrusive and unexpected.

I had a bloke once say his car had broken down and could he sleep on my sofa. Complete stranger. Err, no.

Anyone who knows me would text or ring first.

I live in a nice part of London and love being home alone! But I do have a big bright front door light that I leave on all night and two strong bolts inside my front door.

If anyone rings the bell late I check through the spy hole before answering.

SEcure all windows and back/side doors before it gets dark. make sure bins etc are out before then. Chain lock the front door and switch on the porch light.
Put on enough lights inside that the house has a cosy feel to it.
Do not watch creepy movies/true crime or detectives shows alone at night. Watch nature programmes, comedies and stuff that makes you feel good.
If the doorbell rings, open the door on a chain. Don't ignore it. Ignoring it gets your imagination working overtime. Chances are it's a neighbour asking you to move your bin or feed their cat. If it's some weird bloke tleling you he's doing soem work in the neighbourhood, h=just say'not interested' (no 'sorry' or other apologetic female word) and close the door.
You toughen up over time.