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Original poster

Struggling being home without DH. Does anyone else get scared being the only adult at home?

61 replies

shotgun1 · 17/08/2018 00:43

I posted last night when someone rang my doorbell at around 9pm. They rang twice and I live in an area where I don't know many people. The people I do know, know that I have young kids in bed. I felt very uneasy after that last night and now I'm lying awake in bed and all I can hear is lots of strange noises and my mind is getting carried away worrying about intruders etc.

I used to struggle really badly when DH & I moved in together because he works away a lot but I've been much better in recent years. The door going last night seems to have massively set me back though.

Does anyone else find it hard being the only adult at home? Has anyone found any good coping strategies for this? I'm sure there must be others out there who have this issue? Thanks Smile

OP posts:
rightknockered · 17/08/2018 17:45

I live alone in a high crime area. In my area you're more likely to get robbed in the early hours of the morning. Keep doors locked, get cctv, and a spy hole in your door. Never open the door if you don't know the person. Do not open a window to ask them what they want. Most burglars will only pick houses that are easy to rob. Do you have a house alarm? It really does work as a deterrent.

Witchend · 17/08/2018 18:30

I hate being at home alone once I'm in bed. My mind definitely runs off on its own thoughts. Grin

dippyeggsandsoldiers · 17/08/2018 18:37

Me! My partner used to work late shifts and I used to hate being home alone. The slightest noise I was adamant I was under attack Blush
We bought a dog and it was the best decision, not only is he best cuddler, he's also pretty scary if you don't know him (he's the softest, silliest dog ever, but his appearance makes him a little scary!)
We now have a baby and I'm much more at ease knowing I have our furry bodyguard.

didyouseetheflaresinthesky · 17/08/2018 19:00

I fucking love it. Peace, quiet and what I want on the telly.

flopsyrabbit1 · 17/08/2018 19:11

single parent here and does not bother me in the slightest

i love having the patio door open 9-10pm and my friend is horrified that i do that,but she is more cautious,when her DP goes away once a year for a night to visit his dad she locks all doors etc and goes to bed at 8pm

i do find it a bit strange if there are no kids here though,but i dont change anything about my behaviour if not here

SilverySurfer · 17/08/2018 19:23

No, I think it's bizarre than an adult would not be capable of being in a house by themselves.

alltoomuchrightnow · 17/08/2018 19:30

It's great. I've just had ten weeks alone when DP was abroad (and 6 weeks before that), and we live v rurally too (not a village or hamlet just a few houses) and I don't have kids so really am alone.
Agree with Silvery.

alltoomuchrightnow · 17/08/2018 19:31

It's the only time I can ever watch what I want... and stretch out in bed... I'm a total fidget so don't have to worry about waking him...

sonlypuppyfat · 17/08/2018 19:32

Honestly, get a dog

Chalady · 17/08/2018 19:33

It was probably a take away delivery at the wrong address.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 17/08/2018 19:38

Hate it OP. I’m in my 50’s now and have slept overnight on my own about 3 times. The last time was about two years ago and I slept on the sofa. And I have dogs so not completely alone,

NextInLine · 17/08/2018 19:40

I used to feel like this, until I moved to a lovely area with great neighbours. This house is the safest I’ve ever felt.
If I didn’t live here I would have probably got a dog.

MrsChollySawcutt · 17/08/2018 19:43

Surely coping alone is part and parcel of being a grown up? My DH is often away as am I as we both travel alone extensively with our separate careers. Neither of us I could do the jobs we do if I was anxious about being alone.

What is it you think your DH would do that you feel you cannot do alone?

spugzbunny · 17/08/2018 19:56

Could it have been an amazon delivery? I've just had one come round at nearly 8pm!

alltoomuchrightnow · 17/08/2018 20:02

Yes it's part of being an adult. How do all the people that permanently live alone manage?

mustangcountry · 17/08/2018 20:06

I'm the same, OP. I hate being alone at night.

Unfortunately on MN this thread always attracts the 'GROW UP!' type comments (along with those who empathise, obviously).

My fear is mainly irrationally. I live in a VERY low crime area, in a safe and secure house. We have an expensive car on the drive and the keys are left near the front door - intentionally. However, my DF was the victim of an aggravated burglary last year which has had a huge impact on all our family. I'll never forget the phone call and the details of how the burglar accessed the house.

People do get broken into at night. Sometimes being afraid is ok and just because you're an 'adult' or a 'grown woman', it's ok to be a bit wary sometimes.

DH is away infrequently but when he is I follow a lot of the advice given on this thread; doors and windows locked before dark, porch light on, tv/radio on etc. Some people are ok alone at night. Other aren't.

SoyDora · 17/08/2018 20:07

No, but then I’ve been alone at night regularly from the age of 16 (parents split, mum moved our, dad worked away most of the week).

mustangcountry · 17/08/2018 20:07

Sorry for the spelling errors in my previous post 🙄

Ooforfoxsakeridesagain · 17/08/2018 20:13

Make your house secure, so you feel secure. Outside motion lights, window locks, bolts on the doors.
One of those doorbells you can answer from your phone.

One thing I do is put my lights on timers which go off after I’ve gone to bed.

I don’t like anyone ringing the doorbell. Here everyone comes to the back door. Only st

Ooforfoxsakeridesagain · 17/08/2018 20:14

Only strangers ring the doorbell.

nicebitofquiche · 17/08/2018 21:21

No oofor everyone rings my doorbell if they want to get in. The door is always locked with key in lock so they can't get in.

pointythings · 17/08/2018 21:43

Honestly? I'd be looking to get some help overcoming the anxiety.

Single parent here too.

formerbabe · 17/08/2018 21:45

I don't mind being home alone. Many years ago, I did get a huge fright though. My oh was out, I was home alone with my two young dc. It was nearly 11pm and I was about to go to bed when someone knocked very loudly on the door. I nearly jumped out of my skin. It was a man who was going round with a bull shit story about his electricity meter running out of credit...basically he was begging door to door. Luckily we had a spy hole and an intercom so I didn't even open the door and I told him I had no money though the intercom. Thank God he just went on his merry way. I can say though it took me about an hour for my heart rate to get back to normal.

PenelopeShitStop · 17/08/2018 21:53

No, I wouldn't be nervous. I enjoy having the house to myself to be honest. I think adult women who are scared to be home alone are frankly a bit pitiful.

BossWitch · 17/08/2018 21:54

I also find this very weird. Have those people who struggle with being home alone had a bad experience in the past? Or is it generalised anxiety?

I probably wouldn't answer the door after 9ish unless I'd looked out of the window and recognised a neighbour or something, but I can't imagine being freaked out by it either.

Is it only at night? During the day, are all your doors and windows locked?

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