Struggling being home without DH. Does anyone else get scared being the only adult at home?

[shotgun1]

I posted last night when someone rang my doorbell at around 9pm. They rang twice and I live in an area where I don't know many people. The people I do know, know that I have young kids in bed. I felt very uneasy after that last night and now I'm lying awake in bed and all I can hear is lots of strange noises and my mind is getting carried away worrying about intruders etc.

I used to struggle really badly when DH & I moved in together because he works away a lot but I've been much better in recent years. The door going last night seems to have massively set me back though.

Does anyone else find it hard being the only adult at home? Has anyone found any good coping strategies for this? I'm sure there must be others out there who have this issue? Thanks

For me Boss:-

I don’t suffer from anxiety generally. Never had a bad experience.
It’s only at night.
During the day windows and doors are open. Don’t give being in my own a second thought.

Through - do you see it as a rational fear, as in, you feel scared at night because you think there's a higher chance of a break in during night hours, or is it more of an irrational fear, as in, you know the chances of anything happening are low, but the fear you have is disproportionately high?

Thanks for replying, am genuinely interested.

@nicebitofquiche
Sorry, I pressed ‘post’ by accident and was continuing my post that only strangers ring the doorbell at my house. It’s quite common where I live to wander round and call out, rather then use the front door.

So when the doorbell does ring I know to ignore it 😄

I get it op. DH has been needing to travel for work for about 15 years ISH. The first few times I hated it. I think it was learnt behaviour from dmum, she had a very large bereavement just before my dad started working nights and couldn't settle on her own - me and 2 db's were having to reassure her and I was only 7.
Funnily enough this will be the first year that I will be completed on my own in the house ( youngest off to uni in a few weeks) and I will be fine. I just secure the house then don't give it another thought.

Bosswitch during the day my doors are locked because round here burglars just walk into your house even with people at home. Windows closed unless in the room. Local police advice to do all this.

Ooforfox I wondered if you lived in a lovely place where you could leave your doors unlocked and people could just walk in. Like in the olden days

Never used to at all...even used to enjoy scary films etc in dead of night! But recently I have turned into a real wuss. If my book is a thriller etc I won't read it if on my own. Also I worry myself sick if on own during autumn in case big spider appears!
I do feel since being menopausal I have changed personality massively though. So that is part of it. Also because DH being away overnight is really rare these days. The other factor is due to DD getting older and therefore she comes home later from nights out so I can't properly get locked up Fort Knox style until she gets home (11ish) - not late for a lot of people but again due to menopause, I have become an early bedder and riser. I used to be a night owl type.

I think adult women who are scared to be home alone are frankly a bit pitiful.

I think people who think like this are cunts.

^This.

About 30 years ago I had a conversation with my female boss, who was a small delicate woman, on why women are always cautious when they're alone. For men, violence is always an option. For women, it's always a threat. In her case, work wouldn't pay the extra for an earlier train, which meant she'd have to hang around the station, being bothered by over friendly twats. Even behind closed and locked doors, a stranger knocking would be unwelcome. Men are dangerous. I should know, I've been one for long enough.

Totally agree that men = danger to women. But I don't feel afraid in my house at night as a general rule. If there was the sound of someone prowling round outside after dark etc I'd be shit scared but if there's nothing going on then there's nothing going on? The odds of anything happening don't increase when dh is away, so why would I be scared?

Did anyone who has this feeling ever live alone or in a single sex group? I never lived alone but had a female only house in year 2 of uni in a typically crime ridden student area, house next door burgled (all boys btw!) ours tried but couldn't get in. Never felt scares there, even when alone. Also had a flat with 1 other female flatmate - neither of us would have been able to use violence to overpower a male intruder.

Get a cat! I used to be unnerved by noises in the night (usually it's only our neighbours, but still...) until I got a cat. Then I just automatically found myself assuming every noise was the cat, and slept easy after that. Problem solved! ;-)