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Original poster

It's my birthday tomorrow...

82 replies

Coolaschmoola · 14/08/2018 08:58

...and it appears my DH has forgotten.

He just offered to switch his fishing day from Thursday to tomorrow as I'm taking our niece and nephew out for the day on Thursday. He offered twice - no inkling as to why I said no.

I guess that's no card or present from him tomorrow, no restaurant booked. I will get a present from DD who is six, because I picked and ordered it myself.

To add insult to injury - I'm forty tomorrow. So a 'big' birthday. When he turned forty I took him abroad for four days. I am having a party later this month - that I've organised myself.

I'm genuinely gutted. Is it irrational to feel this will damage our marriage?

OP posts:
DinosApple · 14/08/2018 09:05

Are you sure he hasn't arranged a surprise?

I'd be doing the 'I hope you haven't forgotten what day it is tomorrow?' with a tinkly laugh.

Pringlemunchers · 14/08/2018 09:06

Happy birthday for tomorrow X . people will come on here and say don't be a baby , birthdays are for kids. Come on !! If he has forgotten that is shit and I would feel hurt. One day ,one day , you ask to for him to show his appreciation and love and make you feel spoilt ( not taking about lavish gifts ) , just a moment of his thoughts and time. I am sorry if he had forgotten. Maybe he will surprise you ?

MaryPoppinsUmberellaHandle · 14/08/2018 09:08

Completely agree with Dino. Could he not just be throwing you off the scent? Or does he usually forget things?

Original poster
Coolaschmoola · 14/08/2018 09:23

It's highly unlikely he's arranged a surprise, and equally likely he's forgotten. He does forget things, but not often important stuff. Which makes me think that my birthday possibly isn't important to him.

OP posts:
HilaryBriss · 14/08/2018 09:23

Just flippin remind him! My DP would never forget my birthday because I remind him at every available opportunity for about a month before hand Grin

Original poster
Coolaschmoola · 14/08/2018 10:28

It's on the kitchen calendar, by the door, at eye level in BIG letters.

Part of me wants to remind him, but part of me wants to know if he has actually forgotten.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 14/08/2018 10:30

Oh come on, just remind him and at least you can have a good day.

Original poster
Coolaschmoola · 14/08/2018 10:31

I've got party stuff everywhere. My themed dress is hung where he sees it first thing in the morning and last thing at night.

I have been talking about my birthday. I'm going to get my hair done for it this morning... I just don't think he's paying attention.

OP posts:
Original poster
Coolaschmoola · 14/08/2018 10:36

I think this is symptomatic of a wider issue. If he does forget it will be 'proof' of some niggling doubts I've had for a while.

I suppose turning 40 is causing me to evaluate my life, and part of that is my relationship. If I pre-empt him potentially forgetting I won't know for certain.

Gah. My brain is doing my head in!

OP posts:
TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 14/08/2018 10:39

I’m with those who say: be blunt about it. When he mentioned fishing, I would have just said outright: Yeah, right, nice try - as if I’d believe you were going to go fishing on my FORTIETH BIRTHDAY. What have you really got planned? And then left him to sort it out.

I have no interest in testing my family to see whether they remember or not: I have always made a big fuss about birthdays, DH and DS know that they are important to me, and I get excited about mine for about a month beforehand. That way, I know I won’t be disappointed. Grin

NarcolepticOuchMouse · 14/08/2018 10:44

I wonder if he's assumed your end of month celebration is when you want to celebrate rather than your actual birthday? Personally (I'm quite blunt) would ask him why he's going fishing on my birthday and what do I need to wear for where he's taking me out 😂

Original poster
Coolaschmoola · 14/08/2018 10:46

That's the thing though... I HAVE been excited and talking about it for months. There is 'evidence' all over the house. He sat at my desk with party stuff next to him for two hours yesterday...

I bought him new trousers for the party yesterday and reminded him to try them on.

Today is the first day I haven't mentioned something to do with my birthday.

If he can forget with all that going on around him, then he's clearly not interested. And if that is the case, I need to know.

OP posts:
Original poster
Coolaschmoola · 14/08/2018 10:47

He knows me well enough to know I would expect something on my birthday...

OP posts:
FromNowOn · 14/08/2018 10:47

I would say something. Bluntly.

SilverHairedCat · 14/08/2018 10:49

Remind him. Don't be a martyr.

HollowTalk · 14/08/2018 10:51

Has he got other things on his mind, do you think?

MrsMozart · 14/08/2018 10:51

I get where you're coming from OP.

I hope he has remembered and that life changes for the better for you.

FlappyFeet · 14/08/2018 10:51

If you're doing all that and he's not just pretending that he's forgotten then he's a cunt.

TomHardysNextWife · 14/08/2018 10:51

I'd want to know if he's forgotten or not so I wouldn't remind him.

Do you think he's got so focused on the date for your party that he's forgotten the actual day?

If not, don't depend on him for your birthday. Arrange something nice for yourself as back up. Hope you have a lovely day Flowers

Original poster
Coolaschmoola · 14/08/2018 10:57

"Martyr"? How so?

For wanting to know if my husband forgot my birthday? That's hardly being a martyr!

I'm not pretending to suffer for sympathy. I'm not about to die for Jeebus, or even suffer greatly for my beliefs. I just want to know if hd forgot, so I can consider what that means in terms of a wider picture.

If I remind him and he had forgotten he'll most likely pretend he knew - and I would find it harder to live with him potentially lying to me than forgetting my birthday.

OP posts:
MadeForThis · 14/08/2018 10:57

It sounds like you have done plenty to remind him that it's happening.

If he chooses to ignore your birthday or just can't be bothered then it's your choice how to deal with it.

My DH is useless at birthdays/Mother's Day. I remind him in the run up to it.

One Father's Day I cracked and he got a card and nothing else. Think he realised then what a shitty feeling it was. Still remind him though.

When he does bother he is amazing at picking gifts. He genuinely just leaves it to the last minute or can't think of something. I am a nightmare to buy for.

40 is a big deal. I've already talked about going away for mine and it's 2 years away.

Hopefully he's bluffing.

Happy Birthday 🍰

DayKay · 14/08/2018 10:59

Just mention it again.
It is possible that he’s forgotten. You’ll think he’s failed his test and then have a miserable day. Surely it’s better to remind him, have a lovely day and deal with your relationship issues later.

SilverHairedCat · 14/08/2018 11:03

You can take action, but don't want to. That too me is playing the martyr. Remind him or don't, it's up to you.

SilverHairedCat · 14/08/2018 11:03

Or more politely, what @DayKay said.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 14/08/2018 11:04

Maybe he thinks as you are making such a big deal about your party later in the month that that is when you are planning on celebrating your birthday.

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