Who's the weirdo here? Him or me?

[HelpfulHermione]

I greet my family, friends and acquaintances with varying degrees of hugs and kisses. Real kisses and big squeezes for family and BFFs; genuine hugs and air kisses for other friends, hand on shoulder and air cheek kiss for acquaintances.

I say this is NORMAL

Friend says it's WEIRD and is because I'm posh (I'm not) or because I live in an inbred sort of county (I do, but I'm not!).

Friend doesn't kiss or hug anyone ever for any type of greeting. Which I think is really really odd.

Can MN please settle this?

I thought it was a cultural thing, like Spain/Italy/France etc. Never seen this in the UK myself, so maybe it’s location dependent, or done behind closed doors!

I think I must have a very tactile circle of friends and work colleagues! Lots of us hug each other even when we’re handing over to the next shift. I was raised by a lovely but not very cuddly mother so initially I was a bit at hugs from friends etc. Now I love it. But I absolute think you need to think about it as it is very much a personal thing.

I'm a prolific hugger. Luckily so are all of my friends and family. I think it's lovely. Sharing the love and all that.

DH grew up in care. When we met (he was 28) he'd not had a hug in 13 years. Not one single hug from anyone.

DH grew up in care. When we met (he was 28) he'd not had a hug in 13 years. Not one single hug from anyone

I’m not a hugger but the thought of that is absolutely heartbreaking.

Crush oh your poor DH, that’s sad. If you don’t mind me asking is he a “hugger” now or have all those years with a hug made him less tactile?

I hate being hugged and if I know I'm with a group of people who are huggers I make sure I say hello and goodbye to them from a safe distance so that they can't reach me to hug me.

I hug and kiss friends and my kids. My family are not very tactile and we very awkwardly embrace! Don't hug or kiss acquaintances.

I didn't know there were rules on hugging and kissing? I hug and kiss my partner and the children in my family and greet family members with a hug as more of a formality, then if it seems appropriate, anyone else that I feel some sort of affection towards by reading the moment that we are in...isn't that whats normal? But then who knows what normal is anyway?! There are people that I just feel more drawn to so I'm naturally more tactile towards them, if I don't feel a connection to someone I'm not going to waste my hugs and kisses!

The rule is: if someone doesn't like being hugged, then don't hug them.

The rule is: if someone doesn't like being hugged, then don't hug them

Yup. Unwanted physical contact makes my skin crawl. It really does induce feelings of panic and revulsion.

Wtf is an inbred county? Hasn't that been outlawed for decades?

Anyway I hug and kiss on cheek close friends and family.

Otherwise shake hands or pay on shoulder a not close friend or a friend of a friend.

I think that's fairly standard. I do tend to let people hug me if they want to, within reason of course (no hugs from Doctor for example but may accept one from my friends friend or my old hairdresser).

I'm not good with physical contact. There's probably a handful of people I'll hug wilingly, but otherwise I don't initiate hugs, etc.

I've recently had a lot of people suggest I may have undiagnosed autism, including DBro, who has two autistic DCs.

OTOH, if someone else initiates the hug, I'll be ok in responding.

Hugs and kisses with friends is a modern practice and not something that was done in working class circles 30 years or more ago. That is why I hug and kiss new friends but don’t do the same with old childhood friends, it would just feel wrong.

Guess it depends where you lie and what your circle is. In my multicultural circle and family it's a minefield. Cheek kiss, hug, handshake, bag slap, one, two or three cheek kisses? Get it wo king all the time. I normally try to hang back a bit and watch what other people go for, if not sure I go for smile and nod as introduction to new people unless it's professionally in which case I do handshake, and do one air kiss without cheeks touching as a standard greeting w everyone in familiar with, expect family and BFF's who get a real hug.

*meant to say I get it wrong all the time

NotAnotherNoughtiesTune so to call my county “inbred” would be a tongue in cheek exaggeration. However marrying first cousins is still legal and when you have whole communities staying put generation after generation, you know, dna recycling is gonna happen. 🤷🏻‍♀️

On introduction to a friend's child, they shake your hand and offer a polite peck on the cheek. And the same on parting, unless you have made friends personally, in which case, it's a warm peck on both cheeks at farewell. Hugging is for family and close friends.

Some people are just more reserved and not touchy feely people, that doesn't make them odd.

We have family hugs, me DH and two adult children. Without this my DH and DS would never hug.

Our daughter's boyfriend got it just right when he came and shook my hand this evening, saying "thank you for having me", after a weekend when he has stayed from Friday night to Sunday evening and eaten with us, clearly enjoying the company of our family.

Apparently his own family do not eat together around the table, but have TV dinners. They are perfectly nice people, but the weekend gathering for family meals is a novelty for him.

Huggers can sod off. I have severe arthritis and other joint issues, a lovely friendly squeeze to some would be days of pain to me. Handshaking is a nightmare for me, so painful. I spend my life in pain and putting myself through pain just to be polite is so frustrating. My brother's ex got a little weird with me when I stepped back from a hug even though he had explained, you'd think the walking stick and compression gloves would give a hint this was an unusual situation but no.

In my previous neighbourhood (the opposite of posh) we just raised our eyebrows while saying hi and looked a bit suspicious if someone tried to get any closer. grin

I'm from quite a MC background, and I def. grew up like that with friends. A raised eyebrow, half a nod an "alright?" were the signs of true friendship.

Families made you give cheek-kisses as if you actually cared for one another.

Yes, I do and so does most of my social circle. The only awkwardness is when one of us (me usually) tries to do two kisses on a one kisser. I find that with new friends and l friends’ partners I tend towards a more formal two kiss greeting but with good friends a proper hug and one kiss feels more natural as we’ve become better friends over the years.

My friends and I all hug goodbye. My best friend and I kiss each other on the cheek goodbye, we link arms when we're walking round town... I'm 36 and she's 50. We've done it for years. Family all hug hello/goodbye.

I really hate cheek/air kissing and find it really awkward. Hugs are ok for famiy/close friends. I'd find it weird if someone I didn't know very well acted as you do. I don't think your friend is weird at all.

I like hugging and being hugged by DH and DC but that's it. Anyone else I just find creepy. I was brought up like that and don't feel comfortable with close body contact for social greeting.

I used to make excuses such as 'I have sunburn' or something but now I just step back and I think they get the message. Getting the body language right too a while but I've cracked it now

It is totally the other person's problem if they think it's weird, I'm not common property! Although people like to make me feel bad about it they are not going to change me. It comes across to me as a form of coercion