Who's the weirdo here? Him or me?

[HelpfulHermione]

I greet my family, friends and acquaintances with varying degrees of hugs and kisses. Real kisses and big squeezes for family and BFFs; genuine hugs and air kisses for other friends, hand on shoulder and air cheek kiss for acquaintances.

I say this is NORMAL

Friend says it's WEIRD and is because I'm posh (I'm not) or because I live in an inbred sort of county (I do, but I'm not!).

Friend doesn't kiss or hug anyone ever for any type of greeting. Which I think is really really odd.

Can MN please settle this?

I hug people I like all the time.

I’m a hugger. Kissing not so much.

I won’t hug you if you don’t like being hugged, but youll have to tell me or make it beyond obvious.

I am not hugely touchy feely, (only with my 2 kids!) and I don't know many who are like this. But when someone DOES give me a big squishy hug, I actually really like it. A couple of ladies at Church are really tactile and squeeze me really hard, and I actually love it tbh, coz it goes along with them being really chuffed to see me.

Same with a couple of old family friends I know who I only see two or 3 times a year.

I went to a Christening last week, and the baby's mom, and nana, and the aunt, all gave me and DH huge squishy hugs.

Maybe I am weird LOL, but I actually rather like it.

Each to their own though!

I too am autistic and not keen on people touching me, though it's mainly my face/head that's the issue.

I am fine with close friends or family hugging me briefly. But I don't like being kissed by anyone other than close family (partner, child, siblings, parents).

Which is difficult because I have a friend who kisses by default, and I don't feel able to tell her to stop, partly cos I've let her do it for so long already now, and partly cos it might be a cultural thing (she's from a different country). Even though we are both aware of consent issues and clear about it to our children.

I hate you people that call it a cheek kiss, but dont ever kiss! I have issuee being intimate/ touching people and i Looked after a housemates friend overnight after a party, drove them to a station next day, they leaned in for a cheek "kiss" which was just a touch. I did an actual cheek on lips kiss, it was just awkward.

If I have hope of even one good thing coming out of Brexit maybe it will be end of one kiss or two or air kiss or three kisses or a hug or some embarrassing combination of them all. Return to the gold standard, return to the good old British handshake.

I might start a petition.

Family get a hug and a kiss hello/goodbye, friends I haven't seen for a while get quick hug, everybody else gets an "hiya!" and a smile.

I'm a massive hugger. Probably at times inappropriate. But I don't care.

Well this is part of the problem right here. You should care, because it’s an invasion of personal space to people who aren’t massive huggers.

Gerroffmyland!

Gosh this reminds me of an acquaintance hugging me. I automatically recoiled. It was awful. It felt like that Mr Bean meme!

I'm not a hugger and would get pissed off if someone insisted on touching me when they know I don't like it.

I’m Italian, so I default to squeezy hugs and cheek kisses (cheeks touch, lips not). I’ve realised people expect it of me. Some do it to me and no one else. Some leave me no choice.

I have ended evenings with slightly more body contact from male friends than I wanted. If you’re not used to doing it, you can get it wrong quite quickly! Don’t assume ‘huggers’ are up for more than a hug. It’s a custom, not us opening the gate for ‘a bit of what you fancy’!

Above all, it should make the huggee/kissee feel welcomed and appreciated. If it’s making the other person uncomfortable then cease and desist. You still need to be able to read people, whatever your customs or intentions.

As an aside, I was picked up and hugged by a strapping South American friend recently. He conveyed soooo much with that hug- I missed you, sorry your team didn’t make the World Cup, you look great, I’ve had a bad day but now you’re here let’s have fun. It was full-on and a bit scary/thrilling. I guess I do that to people with some of my own (scaled back, with no throaty growl) hugs!

Never kiss or hug. Hate that ILs do this. My BIL hates this too but SIL insisted in the past. He once patted me on the head as an alternative, not only did I feel like a pet but my head and neck hurt after.

I've become pretty good at getting in positions to avoid the hugs and k8sses over the years but sometimes they just can't be avoided.

I don't mind if others what to do it among themselves but I'd rather be let out.

Also. We don't do it in my family so it's u comfortable for me to kiss/hug in laws when I don't do this with my own family.

Seems normal to me but I'm posh and my parents live in Norfolk so...

I live in Dubai and it is totally the norm here, everyone does it, sometimes even when meeting for the first time. I FUCKING HATE IT!!!! I'm very much a personal space type of person and the only people I like to hug or kiss are my kids & DH. I don't even hug my DP's unless we are saying good bye at the airport. I've never kissed them to my knowledge.

It's the worst, the absolute worst.

I hug/kiss friends/family who do it to me, but I don't initiate it myself and never have. Each to their own id say! A couple we are good friends with hug/kiss everyone - so will always do so to my father in law, I'm pretty sure I haven't hugged/kisses my father in law in the several years I've known him and the idea seems alien!

BTW literally every single person I know does what I do.

Does it back to you? Or they do it with each other as well? If the former, they may well just be responding politely but not particularly like it or consider it "normal". If the latter they probably do think of it as normal, but that's just for them.

I don't like being touched and with rare exceptions really hate being hugged. I was forced into it as a child and now that as an adult I have more say in it, I will back off and expect this to be respected. (Whereas, as a child of the 1970s/80s, backing off was just ignored.) I'm not autistic but don't think I'm entirely neurotypical either. And I know it's lighthearted but the "weirdo" label doesn't help - although it does go along with enthusiastically getting into other people's space and not caring overly much how they feel about this.

So neither you nor you friend is a "weirdo" but you just have different standards and expectations. I do wish touchy feely people had a bit more respect though. IME they're not as good at reading body language as they think they are. I don't want to be touched, so get off.

ugh I can't stand this!
I only want to hug my baby and my husband everyone else can get orf!

Urgh. I hate it when people try to hug or kiss me. I go along with it because I'm (too) polite but really, why would I this?
Everyone you meet won't like it. Maybe half and half just go along because you've sprung it on them.

But which cheek? I always panic and get it wrong. Then there’s a few awkward seconds of looking like your going to snog. I think it’s best we just declare a blanket ban.

I think it depends on the culture of where you live. When in France men shake hands and sometimes kiss on each cheek and the amount of times differs even there. Women are always expected to accept kisses - which I don't particularly like. I'd much rather shake hands, especially if I don't know them very well.

In Britain it's traditionally less tactile. I'm only expected to hug at special occasions or if I'm meeting someone I see rarely - not on an everyday basis. I find it a bit awkward sometimes (especially between a hugger and a non-hugger) and I'll bet I'm not alone in that.

I also really do not want to be hugged or touched by friends/acquaintances. Not even when I'm upset. I bloody hate it. Makes me tense up immediately. I do feel like I'm weird - although not so much after reading this thread so thank you non-huggers!

And the air kiss cheek thing always feels fake and forced and weird to me. I feel like it's just as daft as Bill and Ted's air guitar greeting. Although I would probably prefer that.

Just be you. If you’re a hugger - hug! I’m a squeezer too. I’m friendly and affectionate. Usually I’m very well received and a bear hug is usually reciprocated. If I sense someone is awkward then I hang back but not many of my family/social circle are so there’s always lots of hugging. In my circle not liking the hugs is weird.

Just be you. If you’re a hugger - hug!

Nooooo! Hug fellow huggers by all means, but leave the rest of us alone.

Nooooo! Hug fellow huggers by all means, but leave the rest of us alone

This! If that makes me a weirdo so be it.