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Original poster

WWYD In a bit of a quandary with SIL

70 replies

blahnikandlouboutins · 31/07/2018 18:36

Long story short. SIL1, single mum to 4 children, housing association house on “drug estate”. SIL2, house in countryside area where many people go for holidays. Us (I’m married to DH the SIL’s brother) flat in London.

As SIL1 doesn’t get a decent holiday, SIL2 and I offered her our homes while we were away to give her boys a break. SIL2 has just been away, we are visiting my family in August.

SIL2 has just got back and her house is “wrecked” apparently. 😩 Beds wet and not changed, broken light fitting, cans everywhere, plates of half eaten meals around, rubbish in every room...

I don’t want her to stay in my flat now.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Iloveacurry · 31/07/2018 18:39

Not let them stay and tell her why.

Original poster
blahnikandlouboutins · 31/07/2018 18:41

Iloveacurry Do you think that is ok? That’s what I want to do. I feel bad for the boys though and I think their disappointment will be thrown in my face.

OP posts:
GlitteryFluff · 31/07/2018 18:41

Yep agree with curry.

tangoed2 · 31/07/2018 18:42

Oh what a nightmare! Has SIL 2 said anything to SIL 1 yet? Maybe if she kicks off she'll think twice about doing it to your flat!

Do either you or tour DH have the relationship with her where you can be straight and tell her no way can she leave your flat in the same state and if she's planning on it then they're not welcome?

jelliebelly · 31/07/2018 18:42

Withdraw your offer and tell her why - 4 kids in a London flat probably a recipe for disaster in any event

HollowTalk · 31/07/2018 18:42

Yes but it was the boys (presumably) who caused the problem, wasn't it? Why should they be rewarded with another holiday when they've destroyed a house?

Theknacktoflying · 31/07/2018 18:43

Their disappointment is not your problem .... equate it to how SIL2 felt coming to find her house trashed.
Just say no

HollowTalk · 31/07/2018 18:43

There's just no excuse for what they've done to that house. Leaving food around and cans etc is really disrespectful. Who did they think would be cleaning it up?

How old are the children involved?

ThreeIsACharm · 31/07/2018 18:43

I would be honest and say
" I spoke with sil and she has told me the condition you left her house in. I am no longer willing to let you use my home as I cannot take the risk it will be trashed"

HollowTalk · 31/07/2018 18:44

By refusing you're siding with your SIL who was affected. That's what you need to do, with both of you standing firm.

Original poster
blahnikandlouboutins · 31/07/2018 18:46

Thank you all! I’ve been panicking so much about his. Tangoed Yes DH is a straight talker and would tell her outright but I’d be worried the whole time I was away if she stayed now.

OP posts:
MissVanjie · 31/07/2018 18:47

So sil 1 and sil 2 are sisters? I would let them have whatever barney they need to about the state the house was left in, then depending on the outcome of that i would let your dh either tell her it’s off or stipulate conditions about leaving it how she finds it. All i can tell you fo sho is that if you get in thhe middle of something with two sisters, they’ll both turn on you.

Original poster
blahnikandlouboutins · 31/07/2018 18:47

How old are the children involved?

7, 10, 15 and 17 I think.

One has left school definitely.

OP posts:
Original poster
blahnikandlouboutins · 31/07/2018 18:48

All i can tell you fo sho is that if you get in thhe middle of something with two sisters, they’ll both turn on you.

That hadn’t even occurred to me 😩

OP posts:
Seniorschoolmum · 31/07/2018 18:49

Be honest. The boys have to realise if they treat other peole’s property badly, there are consequences. In this case they miss out on a holiday.

Seniorschoolmum · 31/07/2018 18:51

Especially at those ages. I thought you were going to say four boys under seven.

BlueLegume · 31/07/2018 18:51

Do you rent or own your London flat? If you rent you might not be able to sub let as part of your contract and equally if it is in a building there may also be stipulations about subletting - even if you own it. Might ease the reason why you rescind your offer. Alongside explaining you do not want you’re home spoilt.

NaomiNagata · 31/07/2018 18:51

With kids that age, i'd be the horrible aunt calling them and telling them to come over and clean up their mess. I'd also be telling my sister the same. They've treated her home with no respect... do they live in a state all the time in their own house?

Original poster
blahnikandlouboutins · 31/07/2018 18:52

Yes, you’re right. I know I’m biased. But yes they need to learn.

Feel sick about it though.

OP posts:
AveABanana · 31/07/2018 18:55

I'd leave it to SIL2 to start the argument tbh. Let DH tend the fire and only then say my piece if required.

Original poster
blahnikandlouboutins · 31/07/2018 18:59

Seniorschoolmum SIL had her first very young, still at school, so she’s had it hard.

BlueLegume Own it. Definitely not allowed to short term let it anyway but ok for people to stay of course.

Naomi we have never been to her place. Never been invited. MIL goes occasionally to “sort it out” so I suppose it doesn’t sound very tidy.

OP posts:
absoluteclassic · 31/07/2018 19:01

I would talk to SIL 2 first and tell her that your going to refuse on the basis that they trashed her house. See if she is ok with it first. But either way you should refuse.

absoluteclassic · 31/07/2018 19:01

*you're

Clairetree1 · 31/07/2018 19:03

get your DH to speak to her, not you, because he is brother to both of them, not someone that they are going to turn on together!

Clairetree1 · 31/07/2018 19:04

absolutly not do they stay in your home

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