WWYD In a bit of a quandary with SIL

[blahnikandlouboutins]

Long story short. SIL1, single mum to 4 children, housing association house on “drug estate”. SIL2, house in countryside area where many people go for holidays. Us (I’m married to DH the SIL’s brother) flat in London.

As SIL1 doesn’t get a decent holiday, SIL2 and I offered her our homes while we were away to give her boys a break. SIL2 has just been away, we are visiting my family in August.

SIL2 has just got back and her house is “wrecked” apparently. 😩 Beds wet and not changed, broken light fitting, cans everywhere, plates of half eaten meals around, rubbish in every room...

I don’t want her to stay in my flat now.

What would you do?

Tangoed missed your question earlier. I don’t know what has been said if anything.

Yes, will get DH to do the talking.

Thank you all. Feel better now. ❤️

DH told his sister that we weren’t happy with letting her stay. I didn’t ask how she took it because I don’t want the guilt. MIL has waded in this morning wanting to know what’s going on. Why she’s asking me instead of her own children I have no idea, I told her to speak to them. She told me to get DH to ring her 🙄. He won’t, so that’ll be my fault!

Just tell her, surely if she has to ho and 'sort it out' she will know how they live.

I don’t want to say anything to MIL because, as a pp said about getting between 2 sisters, if I get in between MIL and SIL/s it may end up being my fault. (MIL is a “blame everyone except family” person and “married ins” aren’t family!)

MIL has told me what SIL1’s house is like but I bet she’d deny it if I said anything. I’m just keeping out of it.

I would be checking fb for signs of a house party!!

OK shit will hit the fan.

MIL, determined to rope me in, has been ringing and ringing (I’m not picking up to her) then sent a text telling me to ring her. I forwarded it to DH telling him to tell his “bloody mother that I don’t want anything to do with her family rows”...

...and sent it back to MIL instead of DH.

Fucking fuck fuck.

Might be a good thing to get that out there!

Actually, I think that’s a lucky accident. The shit was going to hit the fan, eventually. There was no way the mil was going to let you stay out of this. Maybe it’s best to get it over and done with now, rather than trying to fend her off.

Fuuuuuucccckkkkkkk

No advice OP, but I’m right here cringing with you.

I don't think you could have made your feelings clearer and maybe she needed to know. It's done now so own it.

Oh no!
I wouldn't have let them stay either.

I agree that you should stay out of it. Get your DH to tell his sister she can’t stay because she trashed his other sisters house. And it sounds like that was just a holiday home whereas yours is your actual home! Disgusting behaviour on the part of your SIL btw. She sounds scummy, I’d avoid her as much as possible and avoid your kids mixing with hers!

DH thinks it’s funny. I’m trying to own it. Do I write and tell MIL it wasn’t for her? What’s the etiquette?

I’m trying to do loads today and have been interrupted with all this. It’s the last time I try and do a favour for anyone on the ILs family.

Freudian slip, I think, OP! Your subconscious wanted the mil to know how you feel.
I’m puzzled by the huge difference between the two sisters, given that they were raised by the same mother with the same hygiene standards. Is the dirty sil depressed, or just failing to cope with her large brood? Would she accept help, if you and the other sister went round and helped her to blitz clean her own house and draw up a chores rota for the kids to go on with?
Did she perhaps deliberately trash her more successful wealthy sister’s house in a jealous rage at the unfairness of their lives? I’m always fascinated by what’s going on under the surface of these family things, and what motivates them.
Do keep us updated!

Babdoc

Basically, family comes from a hard background but had a stroke of luck when DH was small and FIL got an overseas contract which catapulted them into a more privileged position. SIL2 and DH thrived. SIL1, quite a lot older, didn’t. She resented being taken away from everything she knew.

Contract over, family returned to the U.K. with a money pile and better standard of living. SIL1 didn’t want to return! No one (except MIL) did really but SIL2 and DH young enough to resettle yet old enough to have learned if they worked hard they could improve their situation, thus uni and good jobs.

SIL1 unfortunately went off the rails, pregnant quickly and basically in with a bad lot.

Sad.

Maybe just say that you obviously sent it by accident and didn't mean to upset her, but that as per the text, you don't want any further involvement and would appreciate it if she didn't try and involve you.

bastardkitty

Thanks, will do that now.

Don't do anything else. Just pretend as if the MIL text never happened and keep ignoring the lot of them. Trust me!!! Any sort of acknowledging it will turn the whole situation into what You The Mean Incomer has done.

Own the mistake graciously but reiterate that you don't feel comfortable getting involved.

Tell her you have RATS. The place is infested and nobody can stay, you have to move out.

Do NOT get involved in a disagreement between sisters. You will lose.

Have they stayed in your/SIL houses before for holidays? If so, I presume the house hasn’t been trashed before? If not, why have both of you suddenly started to offer this year?

I wouldn't acknowledge your mistake.
Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.
You will already be the bad guy for "not letting/ not telling dh to call mil"
It's dh's family problem let him deal with it.
They already see you as an outsider. You will be the bad guy no matter what

Holidayshopping No, never stayed before with us, we haven’t had our flat long. We just thought it would be nice for them because accommodation is so expensive in London. They’ve stayed with SIL before I think.